There's my story, I am a guy/gay 39yo living in London for 9 years, I become gay in this city, when I was in my country I was straight, I have been always trying to dating girls but in all my life I have been just refused from them so I have had sex until I got this country at age of 30yo, here I have joined to the church prayers, I've been for 2 years still looking for my girl but when I was 33 and still virgin I get disappointed with the church and the girls so I decided to be attracted by guys at age or 33yo since that I don't fancy any more girls unless they are very sincere and talkactive but still I want to have a normal family with kids.
1.- Any girl would be interested in dating a guy/gay?
2.-anyone knows any institution to help gays become straight?
I don't want to live lonely in my life I want to have kids and someone to love. When you gay boyfriends comes and go so for me now is the time that I need to make this move.
Why life is unfair? There's no God? Help me please ( I love guys but I want to be with girls and have kids)

I think you need to seek guidance from a support group and counseling to figure out who you are and to be comfortable with that person.

Until you are happy with who you are, you won't find a life partner whether it is male or female.

If you are attracted to men, those feelings will not go away just because you want a relationship with a female and children. It would be very unfair to anyone you get involved with if you weren't emotionally, mentally, and physically invested in the relationship. Bisexuals are capable of being in a monogamous relationship, but just like everyone else they have to find the person who is right for them.

I don't think you are comfortable enough with yourself to be ready to 'settle down' with anyone. Try counseling and become who you are supposed to be not who you think you want to be. I think given the proper tools and guidance you can learn how to be happy and share that happiness with other people.

Good luck.

You don't choose to be gay or choose to be straight, you either are or you are not, you would be born one way or the other ( that is the claim) So you don't just change when you move somewhere.

If I read this correctly, you were 33 and still a virgin, so you decided to be gay so you wouldn't be a virgin anymore.

Now, you're 39 and have decided that you want to be straight because you want kids and a family.

Somewhere in there, I also get the impression that you think becoming gay was an easy choice, buy becoming straight will require special treatment.

Now, I'm going to ignore the fact that you see sexuality as something you can choose.

I am also not to ignore the fact that you clearly don't believe gays can have families. It's simply not true. If you want a family, you CAN have a family with another man. No, neither of you can give birth, but there are other options. You can adopt a child, or children, that needs a loving home and love them just as much as you would a child that shares your DNA. If you want a child that DOES share your DNA, then you can look into getting a surrogate and use either your sperm, or your partner's.

England legalized same-sex marriage quite some time ago, you can get married to a man and raise children that will be legally both of yours. You would have the family and children you want, in love and in law.

Your problem seems to be that your not finding someone to settle down with and start that family, NOT that you're dating men. Dating women will not suddenly make you fall in love and find someone to spend forever with. That will only happen when you meet the right person.

If you aren't attracted to women then you won't fall in love with one.

Were you ever attracted to women? If not, then you were always gay. If so, then (since you are also attracted to men) you are bisexual.

You need to focus more on who you are dating, and only date people you can honestly see a future with. Dating for the sake of dating is a waste of time and effort if you really do want to settle down and have a family.

Date people you can talk to for hours without running out of topics. Someone you can relate to and connect with. Someone you can see yourself sitting next to in a nursing home and still think, 'wow, I still love love them more everyday.' someone you can fight with, and for, but will always be willing to sit down and talk to work through whatever caused the fight. Someone you just like to be WITH, even if it's just to sit in a room together while you each do your own thing.

In order for a relationship to last, the emotional bond has to be stronger than the physical one, but the physical one still has to be there. Without a strong emotional bond, there's nothing keeping either of you from leaving at any point. Without a physical bond, you're just two very good friends that spend a lot of time together.



Now, to answer your questions, even though I don't think they're the questions, or answers, you need:

Yes, there are women who will date a gay guy. Some of them will do so for no other reason than to say they had, or to take credit for 'fixing' them. These are not the type of women you will be able to settle down and start a family with, however.

Yes, there are groups who claim to be able to turn someone straight. They are viewed with very strong distaste in the gay community. Some practice extreme, and questionable, methods, such as shock therapy, over the course of their treatment plans. NONE can actually change who you are attracted to. ALL they can do is teach you suppress any same-sex attractions and mimic a heterosexual lifestyle. All your same-sex attractions will still be there, and you will not suddenly be attracted to women.


Life is unfair because that's the way life is. No one gets everything they want from life. If they did, there would be nothing else to work toward and nothing to live for. It's not about life becoming fair, it's about learning to live with the way your life is, and working to make it better.

God, and religion, have nothing to do with sexuality. There are people of all sexualities in all religions. You learn to either reconcile your religion and sexuality with each other, or you find a religion that can do so with. Religion is a LOT easier to change than sexuality.

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Originally Posted by super771

1.- Any girl would be interested in dating a guy/gay?
2.-anyone knows any institution to help gays become straight?
I don't want to live lonely in my life I want to have kids and someone to love. When you gay boyfriends comes and go so for me now is the time that I need to make this move.
Why life is unfair? there's no God? help me please ( I love guys but I want to be with girls and have kids)

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1 - No one can speak for everyone BUT if (for whatever reason) you couldn't find/meet a woman when you were straight I doubt very much you can find one who is interested in you now.

2 - Counselling, church, a number of things "help" gays ACT and/or behave "straight." Whether people actually change their sexual preference is always up for debate.

I will add that not all gay people "come and go" in relationships. Many are in long-term, committed relationships. Not everyone in straight relationships, for that matter, goes from partner to partner. It depends on the two people involved.

How do you figure life is unfair and there is no God? It appears to me that it was your choice to date the same sex. What does that have to do with God?

I'm not sure you know what you want - you love guys BUT you only started "being" with guys because you couldn't find any women who were interested. Which is it?

Do NOT get involved in a relationship with a woman until you know what you want. It would be unfair to her and VERY unfair to any children you might have. I see you going back to dating men the first time there's a glitch in your marriage - you seem to blame circumstances for your "change" to gay and I believe you will blame circumstances if/when you switch back to being gay.

Is it possible you are bisexual? If men in your life come and go, I trust you will/are being tested regularly for STDs, including AIDS, before you become interested in a woman?

I think you are confused and uncertain - you really should get professional help, decide what it is that you need/want and then go from there.

I have no answers for you, but I want you to know that I am someone who loves the God of the Bible and I care about you. I am seeking to understand homosexuality. I know you are in a difficult place and I believe there are answers. Keep seeking the truth. I have found that when you come across the truth, you find peace as well. God loves everyone in the world and this is evidenced by Jesus Christ's sacrifice and resurrection. Not many love him in return, which means they want him to leave them alone. He does honor this request, but if you decide to honor Him as God, he will bring you into a world beyond your imagination. He cares about you! I hope you and I both find the answers to your struggles. There are many people who are struggling in the same way, with the same questions. I encourage you to put God first in your life to the best of your ability and see what happens. The secret is that we cannot "do" that by our own strength. The key is to acknowledge that we need him more than anything, and to ask for him to put us on the right path in life. The Bible is a treasure hidden from all but those to whom he chooses to reveal it, but when you tell him you know you need this treasure, then he will give you answers from it. I am praying for you!

Well I have to say that I feel the same way, since I feel I'm gay but want to be straight or live by myself with no one else. I wish there was a place for guys trying to change... I mean... if gay people want understanding and freedom why the hell they fight with other gays or lesbians trying to change back? It's our damn decision.

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Originally Posted by SorrowHeart

Well I have to say that I feel the same way, since I feel I'm gay but want to be straight or live by myself with no one else. I wish there was a place for guys trying to change... I mean... if gay people want understanding and freedom why the hell they fight with other gays or lesbians trying to change back? It's our damn decision.

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If you would like advice, please start your own thread. We will be very happy to give you advice based on your needs.

Thank you

That said, since your question touches on what the op asked I will say this here: You can't change who you are. You can pretend and you can try to live behind a mask. But that person you create will not be you. You will be playing a part. In effect you would be lying to yourself and anyone you became involved with about who you are.

You would be on constant guard to keep yourself from betraying who you really are. Is that how you want to live your life? Would you want to live with the fear that you might become 'gay' again?

If you were bisexual and had a natural attraction to the opposite sex as well the same sex, it would be different. However, if that basic attraction is not there then you cannot force yourself to fake it without hurting everyone involved including yourself.