I am now into 10 months of a long distance relationship. He lives three hours away. I had a gut instinct at one point when we were disagreeing much on where we stand that something else was going on. I was correct. I found a girls number on his phone and it was a married woman who said she planned never to leave her husband. I confronted both. His reason was he thought we were ending and now realized that was stupid. He cried, drove to see me and explained how one night drinking lead to this 2 week fling. Well he lied to me which I should have left fter that. We never said we were exclusive but I told him early if he needs to date others he needs to tell me so I am not in the middle of all that. He thinks this is difficult, though I am fine being with my kids during my time and we both see each other when we both do not have our children. We can spend 4 days together and its amazing everything perfect, then he goes home and reverts back to not as much contact. He used to always call. One day he said he just gets busy and has to focus. Well he lied once, now we have had two trips and 6 more planned together, but when we both get back home usually he will not call that next day... Why would he go out of his way to save us, plan these incredible trips, plan the next 4 months but blow me off? Im pretty easy going... but maybe one phone call would be nice rather than 5 emails saying he's sorry he's tired and beat. His theory is we were just together relax. But it makes me feel maybe someone else is involved. I need to drop it if I choose to carry on. He says he wants the rest of his life with me, loves me, needs me... I just do not know how to rebuild trust or just move on. Any advice would be great.

All those big plans mean nothing and I think you are settling for less than you deserve with an LDR with a fellow who proves he can lie.

The problem I have is that you are not building a life that you enjoy, where you are and taking advantage of the opportunities, and options that may be available much closer to home.

A future with him that you hope will happen is not very objective, seeing as the trust and distance are growing obstacles to you being happy.

He ain't meeting your needs so please tell me the point of all this except the excitement of some nice vacations. And please refrain from the promises he has made about the future, because if his words, and actions don't match, it's a lie, and there is no hope in lies. That's false hope, and you build nothing on false hope.

Sorry, I see no real future here, and feel you can do much better.

Yes I agree and thank you very much for your advice. He is someone whom I opened up to and let my guards down for the first time. I have lived around the world and along with travels, he is so intelligent and very eccentric, as well as we have much in common. The one thing we do not is I am very close with my family. He was physically abused and therefore has never from his past has a relationship with accountability. He's been hurt as well as he's hurt others. I'm not scared of asking or stating my opinion which he also likes, but when I ask for accountability of his actions in the relationship he has a hard time. He has a hard time I believe getting close in a relationship. He said I scare him and intimidate him for the first time and he has slways messed up relationships and decided when he lied and had a fling, he had in his mind I would leave him anyway. Now I'm not sure if he means all that because he is messed up from the horrible background of being abused everyday, or if it sounds good. I have a huge heart, usually can pick up very quickly on the ones who are players and run. He took me by surprise and after almost a year it's hard to let go. I look at the things we have shared, yet I would never hurt anyone as he did me. Perhaps I let his excuses be a reason because I try to find the good in everyone no matter what. All of a sudden he wants to spend every available time together though can't call some days? That is mind boggling to me. A couple nice daily phone calls sure mean more than any vacation. I've traveled when I was young, I am not needing vacations. It's letting go of someone my heart has been into. It's hard to turn off. I guess I need better tools, understandings of this and go the right thing of letting go. I will miss him but maybe not the constant worries of if he is getting bored what will happen. Thank you for again your honesty, I'm strong but I guess weak at the moment for some reason.

For whatever reason he has flaws, as do we all, he is responsible for fixing them, not you.

Yeah reality does suck sometimes, especially when it comes to our hearts, but we deal with it as responsibly as we can. I am confident you will too. Just takes time.