Wife's daughter 23 is an acoholic/drug user/partier. Hangs w/ the wrong crowd but loves it and doesn't seem to want to stop or change her behavior. Binge drinks, disappears for two to three days at a time, comes home staggering drunk and then goes sober for three to four days afterward and then the cycle repeats itself. Spoke w/ wife about enforcing house rules that if you want to live here you will not behave this way. Wife lost here 24 year old son to drugs. She feels guilty because she moved him out and he died within six months, now because she lost her son @ 24 to drugs she is not wiling to kick her daughter out because she is afraid she will end up the same way. I want to enforce house rules that you stop or leave and I also say if that is where she is headed she'll get there wethere she is living here or not. Wife will not do it, says she will take her howewver she can have her. I say she is enabling her. How do I get wife to educate herself about this and show some tough love?

In a very short sentence - you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. That includes enforcing rules, throwing kids out of houses and the like.

You also can't stop the daughter's behavior unless/until she WANTS to stop.

Is your wife financing this venture? If so I would change your financial arrangement. I would guess she can't hold down a job with these hours and habits.

If you can't live with things the way they are I would suggest any one or two (or all) of you consult with a counselor.

Have you thought about or considered an intervention? I know that having these people in your life is not only effecting you but your marriage as well, and I would not want to have a grown adult in my home and have them using drugs and binge drinking. In any other case I would have told you to tell the daughter to get going. But with your wife's son having passed away due to the same illness, it is more of a touchy subject. That's why my advice would be to enlist in some professional help. Whether it be marriage counseling or some sort of intervention for the daughter.

I would also be adamant about the if the daughter needs to stay with you guys that the daughter enroll her self in some sort of addictions counseling and or rehab/detox and then making sure she is working to not only fill up her time but help contribute to the bills of the home. Have you talked to the daughter about her problem and how it effects you and your wife? Is she willing to give up the party life style? Is she still coping with the loss of her brother?