I met a girl in November and we fell for each other thoroughly. We spent a month together before she had to go interstate for 10 months due to her work. Since then we've had a strong long distance relationship, seeing each other once or twice every month until she returns in August.

However, I haven't seen her since 1 June. My work, sport and college finals took their toll on my time and energy. Here is a brief outline of what's happened since:

- She met a new friend down the road. A guy named Dominic. They've been hanging out 2-3 times a week but Dominic has a girlfriend and she only sees him as a brother. They've known each other for maybe 6 weeks.

- Our contact has dwindled. We went from fairly constant texts and emails to a text every second day. I didn't notice this for almost all of June since I was so busy.

- She went to a party with dominic on Friday. She made costumes for herself and dominic (but not dominic's girlfriend). Not a big deal, but it made me question where dominic's girlfriend was during this.

- I found out through a mutual friend they left the party and drove to the beach at night.

- I asked her about this on the phone. Girlfriend tells me Dominic was upset and she needed to comfort him. Apparently, he doesn't love his girlfriend anymore.

- She just told me that she no longer plans to move back in August as planned. Instead she will stay in her current city for an extra 4-6 months.

- Here's the main issue: she will probably be moving in with dominic when they return. (I am locked in a 12 month lease on my apartment with my housemate).

Despite all of these things, she insists that he is only her brother. When I expressed surprise that she was moving in with dominic, her reply was yuck. He's like my brother. But things don't add up.

This weekend we'll be going away together for 4 days. It was a trip we planned months ago. Having no properly seen her for 6 weeks, I'm not sure if I should even bring this up. I'd appreciate any opinions or experiences.

You DO bring it up.

There seems to be something going on and you should find out-sooner rather than later.

Your girl needs a serious talking to, as moving in with a "brother" is a very serious step, and your fears need to be put to rest.

Don't assume but get the facts. Maybe you need to be talking to this fellow and seeing where his head is at.

Before jumping to any conclusions, does your girl tell you everything about dominic even before you would ask?

I'd say that the relationship was dwindling before Dominic came into the picture. You were down to a text every other day for the entire month of June without even realizing it. That tells me that she was not much of a priority in your life.

In the meanwhile, she finds someone else. She parties with him, he dumps his girlfriend, they are moving in together. You are pretty much out of the picture with a year to go on a lease as you said. She could have moved home I gather, but has chosen to stay where she is for 4-6 months.

I think both of you could probably have tried harder to be in more contact the time you were to be apart, but that is a moot point now. She too could have made a better effort to connect regularly with you in a meaningfull way. In this day and age, text, computers, phones, skype, etc. really there wasn't much of an excuse for both of you to let the relationship slide so far out of reach.

If you are saying that you want to get the relationship back on track, take the trip that you'd planned- at least see if she is willing to go.

I wouldn't get my hopes up, sorry to say.

I guess the one thing stopping me from breaking up with her was the fact that she told me everything first, even though she could have easily hidden it. Also, this week, she confided to a mutual friend of ours that she 'really misses me and really does plan on coming back to sydney'. This mutual friend is someone I've known for years- she is a good judge of character and went to high school with my girlfriend.

I can't break up with her on circumstantial evidence. However, I recently found a bunch of poems in her blog about her 'brother' Dominic.

In particular one with the line "My brother's hands pressed in love against my tired back"

I should add that as of today, she made those blogs private, even though she used to tell me to read them.

Also, we will be going away this weekend. I booked this trip months ago. It will be 4 days in the wilderness alone and it will be awkward. I don't want this to turn out like some dam Paul Bowles novel.

BK201: In reply, yes, she told me about him before I even asked.

It really seems you are fighting yourself here guy, trying to find clues as to what's going on in your absence, and got to tell you, depending on friends for info and insights instead of direct communications may be your down fall as, friends can be fed info, and make mistakes in what they relay to you, about their own opinion.

No we would have to have facts, and the glaring fact that's been left out, is WHY she would be moving in with this so called brother figure, instead of coming home.

Even more disturbing is WHY you have not asked, or shared that info here. That would be the fact I would have needed, and the first question I would have asked of her upon finding out her plans. She seems to have talked to him at least before making that decision, but she still made the choice without consulting you.

I see to many red flags here to be comfortable without a lots and lots of talking about it with her. I think you are to distracted by to many things to deal with this directly, and honestly, and seem to be content to fret in silence here, because had I been in your shoes, and finding things out as you have, I would be changing plans very quickly to not include her, or care one way or another whether what her motives, excuses, or future actions are.

In short, I smell a rat, and don't believe her, or your friends opinions of her.

Suspicious activities. Though she tells you everything, now she has made her blog private and even if you ask her about this I think you would get only excuses. Tell her blunty, she has to stop this brother nonsense because its creating a void in your relationship. Don't keep it within you. After all, we have no idea what that 'brother' has running in his mind.

You two have been drifting apart. You can either work to change this or wait the 12 months like she is barely there. Decide for yourself which is more beneficial and move on from there.

To be honest, it looks to me like dominic is filling that void in her life that you used to fill. I know you think so too, or you wouldn't be so worked up about this. Why did dominic break up with his girlfriend? It could be because he was having feelings for yours. The party and the beach are innocent enough, but taken in context could mean more. The blog thing is a little sketchy, but it could be innocent as well. The one loose end is why is she not following the plan to move back? That's something you need to know. Ask her in a non accusatory manner why she isn't following the plan. Is she doing it to figure out how things will go with dominic? Maybe yes, maybe no. You two need to do some talking.

Of course, all of that was theoretical, but I'm sure you've considered the facts a dozen times before. I mean the title of your post is "I think my girlfriend is blatantly cheating without attempting to hide it."


What you need to do is stop considering, and just find out. But do it in a nonchalant manner like: "I missed you. You were supposed to move back this august."

Enjoy your trip. Face to face, you'll know how she really feels rather than just conjecturing wildly. You'll see it in her expressions. You'll use the time to figure out what's going on.