My mom has been depressed for quite a few years. She has told me before that she is depressed and sometimes has even said things about wanting to die. We confide in each other about a lot of things, and we have been doing so for years (I am now 18 years old), but lately she has been talking to me a lot about how unhappy she is with her life, how she is frustrated with my dad and how she never feels loved. I tried to tell her once that I think she should talk to a professional about these things because it's really taking a toll on me, and I don't know how to help her. She claims that she has been to a psychologist before and it did nothing for her, but I'm just so worried about her so I think she really needs to get professional help. She says that there is no point in living anymore and that we would all be better off without her, and I can't stand to hear those words come out of her mouth. She doesn't seem to see all the things that we do that show that we love her, she only sees the bad stuff. I don't know what to do to help her.

Would you be willing, with her agreement, to make an appointment with a counselor and go with her? It doesn't have to be a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I used to go to a psychologist and I recently made an appointment to start seeing her again, so I was planning to ask her for her input on this situation. I have asked my mom to see a psychologist but she never follows through in making an appointment. I will offer to go with her to her appointments if she wants me to, or maybe I should talk to my dad about them going to marriage counseling? Whatever it takes to get her help.

I think the ball is in your court to get this moving in the right direction for her.

Keep me (us) posted as to how things are going.

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Originally Posted by ;

She doesn't seem to see all the things that we do that show that we love her, she only sees the bad stuff. I don't know what to do to help her.

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Depression feeds on itself. It becomes a form of tunnel vision where the individual simply focuses completely on the negative to the exclusion of other factors. The longer it continues the more restricted the focus.

The long standing nature of her complaints and increased recent expressions are further indicators of a worsening condition.

The fact that your mother has had unrewarding past experience with a psychologist isn't helpful in getting her to a mental health specialist. How about convincing her to see a regular physician initially? Just for a checkup. Depression often has physical correlates and perhaps she would be amenable to a checkup to see if it might be tied to diet, hormones, etc.

I agree with Wondergirl, that ultimately she should see someone specifically trained in depression, but overcoming her negativity toward that end poses a significant obstacle. Maybe exposure to a GP would be acceptable and it might very well help.

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Originally Posted by DrBill100

The fact that your mother has had unrewarding past experience with a psychologist isn't helpful in getting her to a mental health specialist.

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That's why I suggested she and her mom coordinate to make the appointment with a counselor (master's level) who would assess the situation, do some basic work and goal-setting, and not press meds on the mom, which might be part of her reluctance. But yes, the family doctor would also be a good choice.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's why I suggested she and her mom coordinate to make the appointment with a counselor (master's level) who would assess the situation, do some basic work and goal-setting, and not press meds on the mom, which might be part of her reluctance. But yes, the family doctor would also be a good choice.

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Mine was a second alternative. I agree with you... avoid the meds... but patients often find the GP less intimidating than us sykolojists or psychiatrists. Sometimes a good physical can provide some beneficial results.

My mom has her annual physical scheduled in about 2 weeks, I'm just afraid she won't really tell the doctor what all is really going on. She is going to go to the same doctor I see this time (she had a different doctor before and did not like her, so I recommended mine), so should I mention any of the issues my mom is dealing with to my doctor so maybe she can ask my mom more targeted questions, or would that be a bad idea? I do believe part of her depression is due to hormones, so hopefully her doctor can at least address that.

Would your mom allow you to go in with her when she sees the doctor?

I will ask her. I think she may be reluctant, but I am the one she comes to with her problems, so I may be able to help her express herself to the doctor because she doesn't tend to open up to people very often.

I'd go to the doctor with my depressed uncle -- convinced him by telling him I would be his second set of ears. We'd make a list of questions beforehand and then talk about the answers afterwards.

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Originally Posted by ;

should I mention any of the issues my mom is dealing with to my doctor so maybe she can ask my mom more targeted questions, or would that be a bad idea? I do believe part of her depression is due to hormones, so hopefully her doctor can at least address that.

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Wondergirl has the best idea... to go along. If that's not possible then I would have no reluctance to approach the doctor about it. I was also thinking of hormones as contributing (based on your age). Has your mom gained or lost weight in the last year?

It sounds like the doctor's visit might be an ideal point for subtle intervention.

I am still waiting for a better time to ask my mom if she would mind if I went along with her to her doctor's appointment, so I don't have an update on her response to that yet. We've been travelling during the holiday weekend, so we haven't had much alone time. I did get a chance to talk to my brother a little about all of this, and hopefully he will step up and help me out a little when it comes to persuading my mom to get help. My mom is going through menopause and has hot flashes a lot. She has gained some weight in the past year, but I am not sure if that is due to her inactivity or if it's hormones (or both).

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Originally Posted by ellamae

I am still waiting for a better time

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Thanks for the update. I was wondering, but realize it's a holiday. I hope your brother will be a big help for you and that your mom is amenable to your going with.

Thank you guys for your support. My mom kind of rejected the idea of me going with her to her doctor's appointment. I'm still going to try to bring it up a few more times and see if maybe she'll warm up to the idea, though. I also asked my psychologist if she could recommend someone for my mom to see, and she gave me a card for one of the other psychologists who works with her. I gave my mom the card and she initially got kind of mad because she doesn't like the idea that I spoke with my psychologist about her problems, but I told her it was just a resource for if she ever did decide to see someone. She did take the card though, so at least she's holding on to it.