My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. Now don't get me wrong, when I'm with him, he makes me smile non-stop. But, when he Instant Messages me later on that day or the following day, my feelings for him seem like they change. It seems like everything he's too embarrassed to say to my face, he reveals to me over the internet. For instance, he spoke to me earlier last week about moving [ a lot ] further in our relationship; I told him I wasn't comfortable with the idea. He brought it up again this week [ as if my mind would change ] and basically mocked me about being uncomfortable like saying "You can't handle it." It threw me off the edge. It felt like he was testing me. When I start to see him in person again, he goes back into his "charming mode." It gets me so confused and it really irritates me sometimes. I can't question enough if he honestly respects me anymore. I've spoken with my close friend about it; I recently told her that he was really getting me upset and she responded, "Again?" Hearing that response really struck me as though I should say something. She told me to just avoid speaking to him over the internet, but I don't really believe that will solve anything. I'm unsure of what to do about the situation because I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't feel I need to be treated like this.

What to do.. :confused:

How much communicating rapport do you have with him? The three faces of him may be intriguing however the measure of maturity and integrity is to be who you are wherever you are. Its how trust is built too. And it hits me as a bit cowardly to do the daring stuff via the net or txt messages, ugh. Back up a little, take a breath and give this guy a good looking over in your mind's eye and if he really still holds your interest, take your close friend's suggestion and don't communicate on the internet with him. Be sure to explain to him exactly why too. I frankly see enough red flags to consider passing him up all together. Good luck!

I think you should hit the nail on the head. Address the situation directly when you see him in person. He obviously does not have the nerve to say things that he wants to say when he is with you. If not dealt with, issues will bubble to the surface and then there are clearly going to be problems. I say if you can deal with things before they become a real big problem that would be better for your relationship.

Wow- I see a lot of red flags here! He sounds manipulative to me. "charming" in person and aggressive online. Take it from someone who didn't listen to the red flags (me) and ended up with a controlling, cheating and abusive man- confront him and listen to your gut! Women have the best instincts. LISTEN TO YOURS. You've already said he's making you uncomfortable. That's enough. ASk yourself... would you treat one of your friends that way? Then why take it from him? You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect. We all do. Please be careful... Best of luck!

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Originally Posted by Karly

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. Now don't get me wrong, when I'm with him, he makes me smile non-stop. But, when he Instant Messages me later on that day or the following day, my feelings for him seem like they change. It seems like everything he's too embarassed to say to my face, he reveals to me over the internet. For instance, he spoke to me earlier last week about moving [ a lot ] further in our relationship; I told him I wasn't comfortable with the idea. He brought it up again this week [ as if my mind would change ] and basically mocked me about being uncomfortable like saying "You can't handle it." It threw me off the edge. It felt like he was testing me. When I start to see him in person again, he goes back into his "charming mode." It gets me so confused and it really irritates me sometimes. I can't question enough if he honestly respects me anymore. I've spoken with my close friend about it; I recently told her that he was really getting me upset and she responded, "Again?" Hearing that response really struck me as though I should say something. She told me to just avoid speaking to him over the internet, but I don't really believe that will solve anything. I'm unsure of what to do about the situation because I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't feel I need to be treated like this.

What to do.. :confused:

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You mentioned that your boyfriend has stated that he would like to move further in your relationship ( a lot ). By this I am assuming that you think he wants to become sexual, and me not knowing how far, if at all, you two have gone sexualy I am thinking that he is thinking of intercourse. Since I don't know if you have become sexual, I will just tell you that to guys the sexual part of a relationship is progressive, I am sure you have heard of getting to first base. Second base. Third base, and then hitting the homerun. Some guys though after hitting the homerun then go and find new players, so be careful.

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Originally Posted by Karly

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. Now don't get me wrong, when I'm with him, he makes me smile non-stop. But, when he Instant Messages me later on that day or the following day, my feelings for him seem like they change. It seems like everything he's too embarassed to say to my face, he reveals to me over the internet. For instance, he spoke to me earlier last week about moving [ a lot ] further in our relationship; I told him I wasn't comfortable with the idea. He brought it up again this week [ as if my mind would change ] and basically mocked me about being uncomfortable like saying "You can't handle it." It threw me off the edge. It felt like he was testing me. When I start to see him in person again, he goes back into his "charming mode." It gets me so confused and it really irritates me sometimes. I can't question enough if he honestly respects me anymore. I've spoken with my close friend about it; I recently told her that he was really getting me upset and she responded, "Again?" Hearing that response really struck me as though I should say something. She told me to just avoid speaking to him over the internet, but I don't really believe that will solve anything. I'm unsure of what to do about the situation because I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't feel I need to be treated like this.

What to do.. :confused:

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You mentioned that your boyfriend has stated that he would like to move further in your relationship ( a lot ). By this I am assuming that you think he wants to become sexual, and me not knowing how far, if at all, you two have gone sexualy I am thinking that he is thinking of intercourse. Since I don't know if you have become sexual, I will just tell you that to guys the sexual part of a relationship is progressive, I am sure you have heard of getting to first base. Second base. Third base, and then hitting the homerun. Some guys though after hitting the homerun then go and find new players, so be careful.

His behavior is not only manipulative but a little abusive. You're feeling conflicted because you know its not right. He IMs you to give you something to think about with the hope you had enough time to see he's right. Then he leashes out at you when you don't. Pours on the charm so you will agree with him. He's behavior shows no sign of respect but of control. He's telling you that he thinks the two of you should move allot further in your rlationship. Nowhere in you post did I see he's asked you what you thought. It's a classic control tactic. What you should be asking him is what's his hurry and why the rush. But I'm guessing mr charmless won't be convincing.
Your close friend has an ideabut I'll go one better. Stop communicating with him after you've told him goodbye. You do deserve better and to be respected, not manipulated or being bent to someone else's will except your own.

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Originally Posted by Karly

I'm unsure of what to do about the situation because I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't feel I need to be treated like this.

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You're absolutely right--you don't need to be treated like this. So why don't you want to end it? He's a controller and a manipulator. Get away from him as far and as fast as you can. Guys like this are poison.

Listen to the voice of bitter experience:

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Originally Posted by march357

Wow- I see a lot of red flags here! He sounds manipulative to me. "charming" in person and aggressive online. Take it from someone who didn't listen to the red flags (me) and ended up with a controlling, cheating and abusive man- confront him and listen to your gut! Women have the best instincts. LISTEN TO YOURS. You've already said he's making you uncomfortable. That's enough.

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It is you who set the boundaries for this relationship so what are you letting him be a jerk on line and acceting his charm in person? Cuss both these jokers out. (Online and in person) Accept bad treatment and thats what you will get.

I think IM and Texting and e-mails - RUIN relationship. NOTHING SERIOUS SHOULD EVER BE DISCUSSED THAT WAY - EVER. (Cowards way)

It should be done face to face.

That is a lot of contact though. WHy al lthe contact??

I would tell him under no cirtin circumstances - no more seriosus stuff unless face to face.

All this electronic crap is so bad for relationships - people hide behind it.

I will admit I have dumped a gal my text once or twice - just because I don't care.