I don't understand. So often, an OP on one of the "touchy-feely" boards includes the information that trust has been lost because a cell phone's call history has been checked or the S/O's Facebook password was used to get into an account.

My husband and I promised each other early on (and many years ago) that we would trust each other and respect each other's privacy, including that we wouldn't open and read each other's mail, listen in secretly on each other's phone calls, or more recently, snoop in each other email, computer search history, or cell phone call history.

Is this what dating partners, S/Os and lovers do now -- trade passwords and cell phones? Why? As proof of trust? It seems to backfire more often than not.

My son is the only one who has my passwords and that's just for emergencies.

Most smartphones either have a swipe password (connect the dots gesture) or an actual typed-in password (such as the older Blackberrys). Once that screen is passed it's usually a free-for-all since the apps to access email or social networking are already configured to access their accounts with no password challenge required. The gesture lock is the easiest to shoulder-surf and get. Also once they get to the home screen often there is a widget that display the current texts, tweets, emails, Facebook postings, etc...

As for what is standard today for kids I couldn't tell you in a generalized fashion. It may be a case that we see the subset of those that do share and it turns out badly... or they say they share but the passowrd has been stolen.

I'm teaching my kids that accounts and their passwords are your private property and I school them on what could happen when someone posts as you.

I have all of my passwords in a book in my safe. My wife could get it anytime she wanted, I will assume she does not ever. But will need it if something happened to me. ** if for no other reasons than to let you know here.

I may have known hers at one point but no idea now. Nor do I care.

If in a relationship it has gotten to the point where you are doing this, the relationship is gone already.

As for as phones, we don't even answer each others phones, if they ring,

I hide nothing from my husband.

All my passwords on the computer are instant. I don't even have to type them in. So, all he has to do is go to AMHD, type my username Altenweg, and the password automatically logs in. If he wanted to (which he doesn't), he could read everything I write here, under my account. I don't hide it from him. He just doesn't want to read it.

Same with Facebook.

We share an email, so all emails are read by both of us. If an email is for me, he doesn't read it, and I don't read his, but there are emails that come in that aren't clearly addressed to one or the other. We'll read them, and then alert each other, or mark the email unread so the person it's for sees it.

Neither one of us has anything to hide. We share a computer. All sites we visit we have instant access. Also, he knows my password of choice, and it's the same for all the sites I visit.

If he ever said "I started a gmail account for my stuff, please don't read it or access it", I'd respect that, and I know he'd respect me if I asked the same of him.

Personally, my feeling is, I have nothing to hide, nor does my husband, so why should we limit access to anything?

If you can't share access with your SO, then what are you hiding?

Just my opinion. :)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

If you can't share access with your SO, then what are you hiding?

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So if one doesn't give the S/O access (as agreed from the get-go), the assumption is both will want to hide or are hiding something?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So if one doesn't give the S/O access (as agreed from the get-go), the assumption is both will want to hide or are hiding something?

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I guess my post does sound that way.

No, I don't think that not giving your SO access to your accounts means you're hiding something. I know many couples that just want to keep separate accounts for their emails, phones, etc. etc. There's no reason for your SO to read your emails if they're from your friends and family, and don't concern him/her.

The fact is, R and don't have separate accounts, and we can access each others different sites, accounts etc. but we don't. I may on occasion accidentally open an email that's for R, but that's only when it isn't addressed to either one of us, so there's no way to know who it's for. R has done the same.

All mail that comes to our home, no matter who it's addressed to, is opened by whomever get's the mail from the mailbox.

R has never gone on my Facebook account (actually, that's not true, he did once. He was playing frontierville, needed a brick or something, so he went on my account to send himself a brick :p). He's never gone onto AMHD to read what I write, but he has read over my shoulder at time, if there's something he's interested in. The thing is, I tell him everything. He even knows who all of you are, by name. Don't worry, I say only good things. :)

This works for us, and I guess I do have to say that if he suddenly did get an account somewhere, or became a member of a site, and prevented my access, I would have to wonder if he was hiding something, because that's not the norm for us.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

He even knows who all of you are, by name.

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So I can openly flirt with him on FB? Or should I just send him bricks?

I don't know my husband's passwords, and he doesn't know mine. They are written down for each other in case of an emergency, but that's MY account.

Sometimes I DO have conversations I don't want him to see. That doesn't mean I don't love him or trust him, but it does mean that I am a separate person from him, and have friends and conversations that are private from him. Of course, most of the time I don't care, but sometimes I say something I know he'd be hurt to see (but it felt good to vent about!) or sometimes (*gasp!*) I plan surprises for him through my email or phone that I don't want him to know about. I assume he has the same thing going on his computer and phone, and stay out of it.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So I can openly flirt with him on FB? Or should I just send him bricks?

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LOL! Flirt, don't worry about the bricks, he doesn't play frontierville, or any of the games, anymore. Not enough time. ;)

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Originally Posted by Synnen

I don't know my husband's passwords, and he doesn't know mine. They are written down for each other in case of an emergency, but that's MY account.

Sometimes I DO have conversations I don't want him to see. That doesn't mean I don't love him or trust him, but it does mean that I am a separate person from him, and have friends and conversations that are private from him. Of course, most of the time I don't care, but sometimes I say something I know he'd be hurt to see (but it felt good to vent about!) or sometimes (*gasp!*) I plan surprises for him through my email or phone that I don't want him to know about. I assume he has the exact same thing going on his computer and phone, and stay out of it.

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I see your point Synn.

I have to say, we do know each others passwords, but we don't use them. He never comes to AMHD to see what I'm chatting about. He doesn't go to my skype to see what I'm talking about. The only times he's read any of my emails is when the email wasn't clearly addressed to me, and as soon as either of us reads the email and realizes it's not for us, we stop reading. He doesn't access my fb account, he only did it the one time, to send himself something he needs on frontierville. :rolleyes:

I do vent sometimes, and I know he'd be hurt to see it, but the thing is, I don't ever say anything to anyone that I wouldn't say to him directly. I'm a bit of a meanie. ;)

If I died tomorrow and he read through all of my stuff, there's nothing that I'd be upset about him seeing. I always think about that when I post anywhere.

As for the phone, well, neither one of us has a cell phone, so that's not a concern. :)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

All my passwords on the computer are instant.

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If this is true your putting yourself at great risk from a hacker seeing everything. You should think about what you have at risk and remove those with high priority from your automatic password list. You could be in danger of losing all of your online identities. Please protect yourself.

None of my communications are interesting enough for anyone to want to read them except me.

Oh look, a face book post about recipes, an e-mail about meeting up with a friend to do a wholesale shop, some eBay searches for gardening products, and some texts from the kids arranging their next trip home.

Whatever that says about me it wouldn't say much for anyone taking the time to snoop into them lol.