I've been seeing this man since March 2011, we met in my country and things went well. In April (for my birthday) I went to visit him in his country for 3 weeks and it was great! A month later (June) he is here visiting again and we've been fighting a lot.He is 42 and I 40. Granted we didn't have a lot of time getting to know each other, we've been doing so along the way as we are both adults and know what we want.
Things really have been moving fast for us but I love him and told him so. He said he cares for me but doesn't love me. The thing is, we were planning a future together. He seems to be very excited about having children, building a family etc with me. He said I have all the qualities he looked for in a wife.

Now I want to call it off. I think most of our fights stem from my inability to be with someone who doesn't love me but is planning a future with me. Do you think I'm making the right decision? He also seems distracted at times during this visit. He leaves in a few hours and last night (his last night here), he went to hang out with a female friend he also met in my country. I don't want to waste time going into all the details but this is the best way I can summarize the important details. One moment he's there for me. The next I think I'm chatting with a wall. Thank you so much for your advise and time spent answering this question.

Straight out is it possible he is using you to get in to your country?

Why is he planning a future and family with a woman he doesn't love? But he he comes all the way to your country and leaves you to go see another female friend? Red flag to me. How did he meet this other female? I mean if he is talking with her online and telling her he is now local and can meet her how many other online friends does he have? If they are friends why couldn't you go along? I think you are best to look at the whole picture before you move forward. I don't think it's a smart idea to plan any future with this man at this point. He hasn't proven anything.

Thanks for your QUICK response 88sunflower. I live in the Caribbean and he's from NY. He said he met this lady on one of his trips here. Truth be told he invited me to go with them but I refused because we had already made plans to be alone and spend quality time on that evening. Plus he wasn't excited to meet my family so I thought it disrespectful that he was so excited to meet with her. He's staying with me.

He chose to meet another woman while you had quality time planned? Is it possible he is feeling you both out to see who works best for him? I don't know I still say something isn't right. If he is talking future with you then there should have been no issues meeting your family. I think I would carefully and quietly walk away from this guy. This other woman is something I am not comfortable with.

... and so do I. I think a polite phone call to say hi to a "friend" should have been sufficient as this trip should have been about us. When I visited him in NY we went together to visit with my family for a few hours. I have loads of friends there but would never be disrespectful as to go visit with them on our time. Long distance relationship is hard on it's own without adding to it. And when I try to tell him how I feel he doesn't understand at all. He says he cares about me. SMH. If he cares so much why couldn't he have asked to meet with my family instead of his friend? Mind you I refuse to ask him to meet them again because my family had planned a luncheon for him (which he missed) on Fathers day. He missed it because he went to a friend's wedding and slept out. Thanks for confirming my feelings. I've been called hasty in the past and I didn't want to play that game again BUT if t!his was happening to a friend I would tell her to RUN--->FAR

If your feeling something isn't right then you should go with that feeling. You can't trust him when he isn't totally there for you. What has he proven? I would put it on the line and say it like you feel. Tell him its all or nothing. If he dances around it then move on. I think in the end you will be better off letting him move on.

Kind of soon to be giving your heart to a stranger, and its to soon to be having this drama, and hassles. Run quickly to a much safer distance.

Thank you Talaniman