Why does everybody hate me?
I know that this question has been asked here about a million times, but for some reason I couldn't help but post my own.
Please read through. If you don't, I totally understand. Nobody has that much time for me anyway.
I'm a 14-year-old girl, and I live in India.
I don't know where to start about the state of my life.
All I know is that everybody hates me. I feel like such a screw up.
My parents HATE me. They hit me all the time, and there's nothing I can do about it. We have no child services, no NSPCC to call up.
They find a fault in everything I do. My schoolwork, to start with. I'm a bit weak at History but I still manage straight-As in everything. I have to. Because if I don't, I know that my mom will beat me up. Somehow, they want me to do better than all As. A grade of A2 is a huge disappointment, I get “disciplined” because my parents think that beating me up will somehow ENCOURAGE me to get an A1 next time.
Then, my health. I'm not overweight, just a bit fat. I exercise a lot, I watch what I eat, but I do not lose a pound. They scream at me because it is somehow my fault that my body is built the way it is. My mother yells at me because I have big boobs and she thinks that they look indecent. I'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans, dresses, spaghetti tops, tube tops, shorts or skirts, and I don't complain. I CAN'T complain. If I do, I get hit. Needless to say, I don't like pain.
They don't let me step out of the house at all. I have to skip or walk inside the house for “exercise”. I'm not allowed to close my room's door, and I'm not supposed to be alone in my room unless it's unavoidable. Whenever my parents go shopping, my mom picks out clothes for me (three t-shirts every two months, a pair of jeans every 5 months) and I get to carry the grocery bags.
Moreover, they don't want me to talk to boys over the phone, at school, on Facebook, at all. They also think that crushes are gross and abnormal. They have “caught” me talking to guys thrice, and I didn't get any sleep on those nights. Just pain. No sleep. I wasn't even allowed to stay up till 12 to wish my then-best friend (a girl) a happy birthday. I only talk to two or three guys on the phone, so I have saved their numbers with girls names on my phone (that my mother checks everyday).
I have tried sitting them down and talking to them about all of this, but they told me that if I didn't like the way they treated me, I should get out of their house. No one would care.
Other than my parent problems, I have trouble keeping friends.
I'm considered somewhat popular at school, but I can never seem to maintain friends. Partly because I can't talk to them on the phone (mom has an objection to me talking on the phone for more than an hour a day), partly because I can't meet them out of school and partly because I have a boring personality. Whenever I'm texting someone or talking to them on Facebook, they always stop replying after a while. Sometimes I just give up and stop talking to everyone, but I can't live with that! No one ever calls me. I call people sometimes, but I can only do it for so long before I'm considered “sticky”.
I've thought of dying, but I'm sure I would fail at that too. I fail at life, I'd fail at death.
I won't write more here. I doubt anybody would read all of that. I screw everything up, I've probably screwed up here too.
If you read everything, I am eternally grateful to you. Thank you so much. You don't know how much I owe you. Just… thank you.