Ask Me Help Desk - How can I get him back?

So, about a month ago my ex asked me if we could go on a break,
Since we both have to work on something's
Like I have to force more on school
And he has been working a lot and going to college.
So, I agreed to take the break but it felt like we were together
It wasn't even like we were on a break
We even told other people we were together
And we both promised each other we wouldn't see other people.
But he kept telling me I'm so much better than him
And I can find so much better derdy der.
But last night we kind of got into a fight
And I told him I was sick of him hurting me
And I didn't deserve it cause I've been though so much in my life.
And he said see you should just say it and move on.
And saying he was a waste of time,
And he's sick of hurting me, he said he was totally done and its over.
I know he loves me, but sometimes it doesn't feel like that.
I think of it as if he loved me he wouldn't be doing this to me.
But he tells me he cares so much that he just wants me to be happy
I don't think he gets that HE'S the one that makes me happy.
But after that big fight he left and texted me a little later and said
"for the record I always loved you."

I have no idea what to do.
I am so confused.
I love him so much.
I just want him back.
But I don't know what to do to get him back.
We both have sacrificed a lot for each other.
I lost so many friends to be with him.
And sad to say, it was all worth it.
What should I do? :(

First of all, you state that you lost so many friends to be with him. Why did you have to do that. There was no reason for you to lose friends over anybody. That is not fair or right.
What should you do? Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you think. Communicate this with him. If nothing else works after this then I do not think there is much more you can do.

Joe

If you've determined that your relationship is over (and it sounds like you have) then let it go and learn from it. There is no proven way to get him back. And often when people do that, it still doesn't work out.

I believe you need to improve your communication and negotiation skills. I can't even tell what the problem was between you two and I'll bet you both weren't so very clear either. When a difficult conversations gets going too fast and you find yourself just reacting out of fear and hurt, stop the conversation with a whoa! Then ask (gently) what is the real problem here and can we talk more about either 1) defining it, or if we agree on it, 2) more about the solutions possible?

Think about all that you can improve on you for the next time. Make the pain of this count for something of value.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

First of all, you state that you lost so many friends to be with him. Why did you have to do that. There was no reason for you to lose friends over anybody. That is not fair or right.
What should you do? Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you think. Communicate this with him. If nothing else works after this then I do not think there is much more you can do.

Joe

The reason why I lost friends to be with him
Is because I pretty much stole him from one of my friends.
And all of my other friends thought it was ed up so they turned their backs on me.
Sadly, I am scared to tell him how I feel, cause whenever I do he gets mad or upset.
I don't know if its just because I say the wrong things or what.
I guess he might come over tonight and I am going to tell him everything.
No matter how scared I am...

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

If you've determined that your relationship is over (and it sounds like you have) then let it go and learn from it. There is no proven way to get him back. And often when people do that, it still doesn't work out.

I believe you need to improve your communication and negotiation skills. I can't even tell what the problem was between you two and I'll bet you both weren't so very clear either. When a difficult conversations gets going too fast and you find yourself just reacting out of fear and hurt, stop the conversation with a whoa! Then ask (gently) what is the real problem here and can we talk more about either 1) defining it, or if we agree on it, 2) more about the solutions possible?

Think about all that you can improve on you for the next time. Make the pain of this count for something of value.

I don't really want to let it go.
Cause I feel like something can be done to fix it.
I will definitely talk to him tonight about everything
I need to know what's going on instead of just sitting here going a long with everything.
I'm getting pretty sick of it.
I even thought of just pretending to walk away
And hoping he would come back to me
But I am still not sure about that one. Ha.
He says he wants me but he can't have a girlfriend right now.
Which makes no sense, since we are pretty much together.
But he said he would talk to me more about it later.

Honest talk, honest actions... otherwise you are wasting your time and learning bad habits.