So I am a 21 year old male and I always feel depressed with thoughts of suicide quite often, but yet I'm easily angered by the slightest thing. I don't know what to do any more because when I was younger, my mother made me go to counseling because her ex-bf was kind of abusive, more verbal then physical. So I don't think counseling will help, in my opinion it made the issue worse then it was. So my question is would anger management help or would counseling help, even with my past experience with it? On an added note, I think I'm depressed because I alone and I'm having trouble finding a girlfriend. I also think I'm mad all the time because of my current job, I am a phlebotomist but people have always annoyed me, it has just gotten worse since this job.

Have you considered going back into counselling?

I have but last time I did, I went from extremely disliking the guy to wanting to do bodily harm to him.

What about a female counselor? Please give counseling another chance. Why did you want to throttle the most recent counselor?

And yes, I strongly suggest taking an anger management course. There's probably a low-cost one offered by your township or county.

Sorry there was a miscommunication, the counselor I saw was a women, the person I wanted to throttle was my mothers ex boyfriend

So how did the counselor fail you?

I believe I was 13 when this all happened and come to think of it, my mother took me out of counseling because she wanted to move in with this other guy she was dating... Does that mean my mother failed me?

I'm a mom and hate to disrespect other moms, but yes, your mother failed you.

So how about trying again with the counseling? Plus, you can stay in touch with us and let us know how it's going. I'm a counselor and will help you here however I can.

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Originally Posted by saturnine21

So I am a 21 year old male and I always feel depressed with thoughts of suicide quite often, but yet I'm easily angered by the slightest thing. I don't know what to do any more because when I was younger, my mother made me go to counseling becuase her ex-bf was kinda abusive, more verbal then physical. So I don't think counseling will help, in my opinion it made the issue worse then it was. So my question is would anger management help or would counseling help, even with my past experience with it? On an added note, I think i'm depressed because I alone and I'm having trouble finding a girlfriend. I also think I'm mad all the time because of my current job, I am a phlebotomist but people have always annoyed me, it has just gotten worse since this job.

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Could you provide a brief overview of the type of counseling you underwent previously and what you disliked about. It may be that your experience and the circumstances leading to it have created a barrier to counseling(ors) en bloc but it may also relate to past method and personality.

It is my opinion that counseling is a waste of time if approached with negative expectation. It may or may not be possible to overcome your past experience. If so, you need to be very selective in choosing a method that you will have confidence in and a practitioner with whom you can relate. That is a truism for all people, not just you.

Give us a little more of specifics and let's see where that leads.

Your mother forced you into counseling and then forced you out of counseling? Why?

Wow, I would like to first say thank you everyone for your responses. ^_^ second, ouch, I believed I was be very close to my mother but know I don't know what to say. I am not sure what to say about my previous counseling experience except that I only went twice before my mother wanted to move. I have a hard time expressing myself, so that may have been an issue and also my mother forced me to go and I didn't want to. Being 13ish at the time, I would have much rather done other things. I remember crying while talking about how my mothers ex boyfriend was and at that time I didn't like that and now it's rare I can cry, I want to sometimes but I just can't. My mothers ex would discipline me for stuff to this day I don't understand, for instance we were filling up a swimming pool and he told me not to spray him with water and I accidentally did and so hit me on the rear with a belt a couple times. I also want to add something to my original question, I am planning on joining the military when I meet the weight requirements, will any of this affect that in any way?

I'm guessing she thought it would help until she decided to move in with this guy.

I know from personal experience that thirteen-year-old boys are not real interested in going to a counselor, especially if they know counseling is going to end up with them in tears. I wish you'd been able to continue and work through some of that anger.

In order to be the best you can be in the military, not only physically but emotionally, why not work on that anger problem now with an anger management class and also start going to a counselor to resolve some of those bad childhood and teenage memories.

Does the military still do psychological and ability testing with new recruits?

My friend in the navy says he doesn't remember one.

Hmmmm. One of my library community service workers is in the Navy too and is a friend on FB. I'll ask him. Be back with an answer before too long.

***ADDED*** He's on a ship in the Mideast, so it's early tomorrow morning there. He might still be asleep.

You were sent to counseling, against your will, for reasons you didn't understand. At 13 you were socially powerless to alter your mother's actions and resentful of her boyfriend, who was probably a more appropriate candidate for professional attention than you. I can see how you might have a lack of confidence in that process.

You also mention "difficulty expressing" yourself. Tied to the anger issue, I interpret that to mean emotional expression(s), leading to internalizing those feelings. That process often leads to anger issues, to one degree or another.

You have the ability to express yourself as is best witnessed by your outline here. I believe you could bring that "difficulty expressing" in alignment with you clear ability to express with some ease.

There is a very directive form of therapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Short term, problem oriented. No filtering through unconscious motivations, etc. CBT addresses problem areas in your life and the therapist works with you to come up with strategic workable solutions. No psychiatrist, psychiatric labels.

I think you would find that beneficial and probably see some quick results. This time you would be in control, there of your own volition, for a specific and recognized problem and with personal expectations of the process.

It's difficult to say how your complaint might bear on the military plans. They administer psychological batteries but except for the allusions to suicide, based on your report, I wouldn't see disqualifying factors.

However, the nature of your problem, as you have described it, sounds amenable to CBT (or similar directive therapies). Relatively quick and then you can effectively deal with the military and life at large with more confidence and ease.

Perhaps Wondergirl can explain CBT in a little more detail or has some other ideas as well.

How does that sound?

AFTERNOTE: Didn't answer your original question. Anger, anxiety and depression quite often exist together. They even feed on one another. In your case, clear up the anger and the depression will dissipate, in all likelihood. Sorry for the oversight.

CBT sounds like the perfect approach. I do believe anger management classes use that very targeted technique, or there are counselors who specialize in it if you want to avoid taking a class.

That would be great, I will research CBT when I go to my mothers tmrw, I've been on my iPhone this whole time and see about getting into as soon as possible, thank you

Saturnine21,
It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time. Depression can be debilitating and manifest itself with a baffling variety of symptoms, which is why a treatment plan really must be tailored specifically to YOUR needs to get the most benefit from it. Unusual anger/irritability is absolutely a common symptom of depression - the government's National Institute on Mental Health has some helpful resources here: Men and Depression, which lists common signs and symptoms as well as suggestions and listings on how/where to get help.

If you're often having suicidal thoughts, please try to seek treatment as quickly as possible. If you feel you're in danger of attempting suicide, PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - it's toll-free, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and is completely confidential.

I completely agree with DrBill100 in his comment above; therapy is often vastly more helpful when approached with a open mind, or at least a neutral attitude. And having suffered with depression myself, I understand how difficult it can be just to GO to a counselor. But to say you should seek "counseling" or "therapy" is sort of like trying to tell someone your home address by telling them "i live on earth"! There are so many different types of counseling that it's unfortunately all-too-common for people to have an experience with one counselor that turns them off seeking treatment forever. Your upsetting experience when you were younger could have been simple "bad chemistry" with that particular therapist; your anger and resentment at being forced into something you didn't want to do; or that therapist employing a method that wasn't helpful for the issues you were dealing with at the time.

Just as an example, off the top of my head here's a list of some therapy methods/philosophies: Cognitive-Behavioral therapy; Psychoanalytic therapy; Group therapy; Interpersonal therapy; Psychodynamic therapy... these are all commonly practiced yet each approaches problems completely differently! So I would plead with you, although it may be frustrating or disheartening at first, to try and keep searching for that right treatment option for YOU - because you CAN successfully treat/manage depression, you CAN get to a more stable, happy place, and that seeking treatment, as you clearly are, is an act of courage - so give yourself credit.

Some great places to start finding resources and information:
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness
MedlinePlus(govt. heal information library)
the American Psychiatric Association
WebMD's Psychotherapy/Counseling directory