Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Relationships (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=277)
-   -   What should I do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=581970)

  • Jun 14, 2011, 04:57 PM
    james2000
    What should I do?
    Me and my girl been together for 2yrs. We also have a 1yr old babyboy. We got into a argument two days ago that was something small but turned out big. We usually get into it like this and say things we don't mean. I called her and txted her with apologizes and explanations. She ignored everything I said and attempted. Now I'm upset!! Should I move on?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:01 PM
    Wondergirl

    Attempted what?

    Move on? No. You have a child and responsibilities as a father.
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:21 PM
    james2000
    I attempted to call her and text her. I got nothing after frequent txting and calls. I gave I could give in a attempt to stop all of this and fix it. What is she doing by ignoring me and what should I do?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:25 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by james2000 View Post
    i attempted to call her and txt her. i got nothing after frequent txting and calls. i gave i could give in a attempt to stop all of this and fix it. what is she doing by ignoring me and what should i do?

    Just sit tight. Do you live at home? With roommates? Carry on with your normal life and give her time. Meanwhile, get your own head on straight so this doesn't happen again. What can you do to keep it from happening again? You've got a little one to think of, someone who is more important than both of you, someone who needs calm and rational parents.
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:33 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    I live at home. I'm 20 yrs old. I usually be the one who initiates conversation after a argument. It was things said that were mean as well. Should I take that into truth? I'm just lost but I do want my girl back. I wonder if she is thinking about me
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:46 PM
    Wondergirl

    it was things said that were mean as well.

    And that's going to stop as of right now, right? No more, right?

    i do want my girl back. i wonder if she is thinking about me

    She's been through this before with you. It's time to stop giving her two kids to raise. Be the man she needs and the father your child needs. How many hours has it been since the fight?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:49 PM
    Alty

    Learn from this. You turned something small into something huge, and I'd bet she's sick of it.

    If you two do work it out, learn to communicate without turning every little thing into a huge fight.

    You're grownups now. You both have the responsibility of a child. It's time to start acting like grownups.
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:50 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    Your rite.. it was on Sunday. She said things that was mean as well. You think she meant she hate me and stuff of that sort? What I got to do to get her back?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:55 PM
    Alty

    Quote:

    your rite.. it was on Sunday. She said things that was mean as well. You think she meant she hate me and stuff of that sort? What I got to do to get her back?
    Please, no text talk. It's against the rules of this site. Use full words, and the best English you're capable of. Thank you.

    We don't know what she's thinking, nor do we know how you can get her back. It's up to her. You can tell her you're sorry, suggest couples counseling, try to make things work, try to change the way the two of you deal with each other. That's all you can do.

    In the end the ball's in her court. She has to decide if she's done with all the fighting, or she's willing to give it another try.
  • Jun 14, 2011, 05:55 PM
    Wondergirl

    she said things that was mean as well.

    In answer to you? Would she have said them if you wouldn't have cranked it up?

    u think she meant she hate me and stuff of that sort?

    You've been in this place before, and you two made up. I'm guessing it will happen again. And if it does and you two get back together again, it will be the last time you act like little kids, right?

    what i gotta do to get her back?

    You tell me. You're the expert at making up. What has worked in the past?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 06:22 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    But I usually be the one to step up and I can't this time because I did all I could, I apologized and everything already! Its time she step up I just don't know if she is. If she calls what should I say? I feel like I haven't been acting like a man
  • Jun 14, 2011, 06:35 PM
    Wondergirl

    if she calls what should i say? i feel like i havent been acting like a man

    You tell her, "I finally realize there's somebody much more important than me or you. It's time I start thinking about our baby -- and you his mom, the love of my life. I want to behave like a man and a dad. I have a new support group [yay us!] who will help me any way they can. Will you do what you can to support me?"
  • Jun 14, 2011, 06:46 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    Lol from what you hear do you think she is going to call and what is she taking this time to do?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 06:57 PM
    Wondergirl

    lol from what you hear do you think she is going to call and what is she taking this time to do?

    Now remember, she doesn't know any of this secret stuff we've been doing here to get you back on track. She thinks you are the same old-same old ummmm messed-up guy she fights with. Boy oh boy, is she ever going to be surprised! Of course, you aren't going to flood her with words as much as show her with actions that things are changing.

    Is there any living person who might be able to tell you where her mind is right now?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 07:04 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    You seem well educated on this type of stuff and by you being a woman. If you was on the other end of what's going on with me, what would you do? Does she want me to reach out again or she will when she is ready?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 07:11 PM
    Wondergirl

    you seem well educated on this type of stuff

    Yeah, you caught me. Among other things, I'm a professional counselor, a psychotherapist. :D

    by you being a woman. if you was on the other end of whats going on with me, what would you do?

    Every time I would look at that baby, I would think of you. Every time things calmed down and I sat and thought about things, our argument would come back into my mind and I would feel sad.

    does she want me to reach out again or she will when she is ready?

    Like I asked, do you know anyone who knows her well and what might be going on in her head? If I were you, I'd send a short text, "I miss you and our son" or "I'm sorry. I love and miss you and [son's name]." Then wait.
  • Jun 14, 2011, 07:17 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    I sent a text on Monday saying I was sorry and I left it at that. Her birthday is on the 23rd of this month I was really thinking about proposing to her. I know she is the one
  • Jun 14, 2011, 07:20 PM
    Wondergirl

    i sent a text on monday saying i was sorry and i left it at that. her birthday is on the 23rd of this month i was really thinking about proposing to her. i know she is the one

    Monday was yesterday, so maybe wait and see if she answers. You don't want to annoy her with texts.

    You know her far better than I do. What's your thinking on how she's doing?

    If you propose, can you keep up this mature behavior?
  • Jun 14, 2011, 07:23 PM
    james2000
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    Yea, I know I can. I can't really tell you how she is doing she probably just been watching the baby, working, and going to school being mad at the world like usual when we argue
  • Jun 14, 2011, 07:27 PM
    Wondergirl

    Have you two had worse arguments, or was this one especially bad? How long was the longest time before making up?

  • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:30 AM.