Recently I attended a birthday dinner with my boyfriend 42 for a woman at work from another department at work. The dinner was held at a bar restaurant off campus.The other attendees were also other people from work, a few I knew many I didn't. I sat on the left side of my boyfriend at the table and the birthday girl who just turned 21 sat on his right side at the dinner table. My boyfriend began intently focusing all of his attention on the birthday girl smiling from ear to ear, laughing in a flirty way and touching her arm. From what I gathered from the conversation he regularly met up with her and a few other ladies from her department for lunch.

Days before even consenting to go to this dinner I told my boyfriend that I did'nt know the birthday girl so I really didn't wanted to go to the gathering. My boyfriend told me that he didn't really know her either, but we decided to go anyway.Before she left that night she shook his hand (another opportunity for physical contact) and my boyfriend made a big deal about seeing her the next day at lunch, she replied that she was off the next day so that she would see him on Monday.She did not shake anyone else's hand at the table. I remained calm during this whole episode but I felt very disrespected. After the girl left my boyfriend turns to me and says he loves me. It sounded very empty to me.

Before we left for the evening, the lady who invited us to the dinner asked me if I would go to the bathroom with her, once in the bathroom she then without prompting from me began telling me how my boyfriend and the birthday girl were friends and how he's helped the birthday girl out a lot to feel more comfortable in her position by him telling her all of his funny stories about work. My boyfriend does not work in their department.

Do you consider flirting cheating. It all seemed very intentional to me. My boyfriend had conversations with other woman that night but none were like this.My boyfriend is a very controlling individual. What do you think.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/real-e...nd-378545.html (post 4)

Based on this post and the one you posted above, its black and white to me, get this guy out of your life as soon as you can.

Had you posted just this post perhaps the details could have been teased out, however in light of the post in the link, send him back to mammy and daddy!

It definitely does not seem like you're his priority. How long have you been together? How old are you? He's 42 flirting with a 21 year old?

We're been together for a year this month. I'm 45.

After reading your post from the legal thread that Red posted the link to, I decided to quote it here for others to read. Since it does belong in the legal section, merging it with this thread isn't really feasible.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by livingmend

My 42 year old boyfriend moved into my house after dating him for only four months. He at the time was living with his parents and was told by his mother that their house was being forclosed on so he had to move out. Interestinly eight months later his parents are still in their house. When my boyfriend moved in he immediately tried to take complete control over my house. He want to change everything, moving my things to replace them with his,he even wanted me to kick my dauther out of her bedroom so that he could move his son in it. He's been living in my house rent free for eight months and doesen't pay any of the household utility bills. Ocassionally he'll buy groceries and he acts as if he's done a huge thing. He is a very charming guy who regualary tells me how much he loves me. He never has any money and when I've asked him to leave he tells me he doesn't have any place to go and no money to move. I've offered to help him out with first and last months rent on a place and he's come back with telling me that his credit is bad so he can't get a place. I've told him I'll pay for movers to come and put his stuff in storage but I only hear excuses, short of thowing him out on the street what should I do.

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What I think about flirting is immaterial, because his flirting is minor to me compared to other factors.

He lied to you. He told you he didn't really know her, but it is rather obvious that he does. He appears to be using you and your resources to live his life. I would decide that living on the street may be good for him. Moochers very rarely learn to change their ways until someone stands up says enough and they have no other choices.

How old is your daughter and his son? Is his son living with you too? What lessons are they learning?

Good luck getting rid of him and getting your life back to being your own.

You're letting him walk all over you, so it's not going to be easy for you to get rid of him. But it's clear that it's time for him to go.

You can give you all his excuses. He can come crying to you for that matter, but it's time for him to go because you need to get your life back.

If you can't deal with all this alone, then it's time to get some help. Get your friends to help you kick him out. Threaten to call the cops (hopefully it won't come to that). Whatever it takes.

Unless you step up, this is only going to get worse. Stop the bleeding already!!

My daughter is 22 and my son is 20. His son is 16 and has been staying at my house as well. His daughter who is 9 come over every other week, due to his divorce.

His parents got rid of him, his wife got rid of him, maybe you should too!

Aside for all his excuses, what other part of you is making you want to keep him around?

I think I've become accustom to him somewhat and I do care about him. We've had fun times together. At some point I decided to try and give it a chance, but always inside of me I felt used and uneasiness, my gut kept saying this is'nt right. It was making me sick. I guess I felt it was also my fault for allowing this to continue and pretending as if everything was all right.

I know that there is someone better out there for me and I deserve to be truly happy. I guess it's partially because I've been a single mom raising my two kids alone for 22years without being in a relationship with anyone. In some ways it's not wanting to be alone and at the same time wanting to be free

Sounds more like he's only filling a void in your life and not because he's adding to your happiness.

It's fair to not want to be alone, but at least be with someone who respects you and feels the same way.

It's easy for us to tell you to show him the door. If you really want to keep him around, then at the very least, put your foot down and make sure he's meeting your minimum expectations. Don't let him continue to use you.

Though long and hard about this situation and really realized I don't need this mess. Thanks for your comments!