Me and girl are young in college going out for not very long (less than a year) but we want to make it work even though she's leaving after a few months of the two of us and making the relationship ld... things good for a while talking once a week but then she dumps me kind of out the blue saying the whole need to live life thing... we try to be friends but I'm not over it so she tells me to back of and get myself together before we can be friends... after a while I move on and send message saying why not be friends (were not going to see each other for a long time now and I don't trust her anymore anyway so relationship out of the question)... she don't respond so I leave it be then send her another one in a month or so and get a response but from her DAD telling me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me... I'm like,I don't want to be in one with her but we can still be friends right?? I don't tell him that though I don't tell him anything because frankly I've never even heard of something like that

What do you guys think it means is she just crazy or am I a jerk or something?

I think you should leave her alone and forget about any friendship cause it ain't happening.

But why can't we be friends that seems so stupid to me!!

veryconfuzzed, it may seem stupid to you but the situation is what it is, and you have to accept the fact that she does not want any contact from you.

Who knows, maybe a few years down the road, she might reach out to you but for now, you just have to do as her father said. If you continue to try to contact her, Dad may have her file a restraining order against you. You don't need to have that mark against you. It will be a matter of public record and may keep you from getting a job when your prospective employer runs a search on you.

Having her friendship is just not worth the hassle it may cause you.

I hope this helps.

Maybe I'm just mad cause I never got to be crazy or stalk I sent her always a short message at most twice a month for two months and suddenly DAD who lives in anothr country even is steping in (can you even get a restraining order from another country?) I mean I never called nonstop or anything like that it just seems o extreme

Another thing she did was I'm a friend of mine and say tell him to stop trying to talk to me but don't tell him I said for you to tell him I mean what the heck is that? This is my mate from forever she knows he's going to tell me everything. Clearly I don't want anything more to do wit this girl but what the hell man?

DAD who lives in anothr country even is steping in (can you even get a restraining order from another country?)
He would not be the one filing a restraining order, he will tell her to do it and give her the money and support necessary to follow through. That is what good fathers do. And, don't be surprised if he pops up in the country you are living in just to help her with this. Do you really need her father to come looking for you because you are angry and not getting a satisfactory explanation? The explanation, that she just doesn't want contact with you, is satisfactory enough for him.

another thing she did was im a friend of mine and say tell him to stop trying to talk to me but dont tell him i said for you to tell him i mean what the heck is that?

She was reaching out to your friend BECAUSE she knows he is your friend and was hoping he would help talk some sense into you. She didn't want you to know because she knew you would react the way you are reacting here.

Okay confuzzed. I believe I get it. It is very evident from your writing you are very angry and feel hurt. Justified? I don't know. Maybe. I don't know you and I don't know this girl. But I am pretty confident that with your writing and the info you have given here:

You have a temper problem and you are scaring this girl.

The bottom line is, she doesn't want any contact from you. No further explanation is going to come from her. It is over. There is no friendship that can be salvaged from this because she just doesn't want to be your friend. You may not have stalked her or tried contacting her a lot as you say, but it doesn't matter.

YOU NEED TO STOP QUESTIONING HER DECISION AND MOVE ON. Your holding onto this is not going to help you. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE BOY-O. Please. For your own mental health this is not the road you want to go down. We all have a tendency to overthink things. You need to pick up any book that has been written by Dahli Llama. He explains that what is past has past. What happens in the future, happens. The point is, we are living in the here and now and we cannot change what has happened or influence what is meant to be. We just need to live in the now and, enjoy it for what it is, and life will unfold as it should.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by veryconfuzzed

but why can't we be friends that seems so stupid to me!!!

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The lady is afraid of you. You have scared her to the point she wants absolutely nothing to do with you, so unless your looking for trouble accept it and move on with your life, and maybe work on your temper.

She's obviously not interested in a relationship or friendship with you so back off and leave her be. No more texts, e-mails, IM's, nothing. Get on with your life, without her. The fact that she got her Dad involved seems to be a signal that she's not playing games so let it be.

Right you are... don't worry when she had her dad send me email I was pretty shcoked, I'm never talking to her again... she's in another country too the same one with him and well never see each other again that's what made me so surprised... what is she afraid of I wonder? It must be me but I am not a scary guy I mean I can see where you think I've got a temper but when she talked to my friend he wasn't like "good point there lady" he said "thats a bunch of bs" and refused to speak to her basically what all my other friends have said so she's lost all them too who were her friends also who she could have kept if she was straight with me... I'm a pretty gentle guy but is there anything wrong in wanting to know the mind at work here? I mean she knew me and she nkows I won't do anything... if she had had the stones to tell me go away herself it would have been that easyt

Though I must say I see so many others do the million phone call thing why not me?? I thought I was being pretty cool

I think its very clear she's playing games myself because in her dads letter he acidently revealed many lies shed told me before she broke up which is another reason why I don't want to talk to her anymore... so as far as that advice goes I do thank you for support but I made that decision when her dad messaged me

Not knowing either of you then we must err on the side of safety for you both and if she is a psycho nut then stay away and if you are a psycho nut then stay away so you can see from an outside viewpoint then you both should stay away from each other. I understand your confusion as you never know what a female can have on her mind . Most of us mature males just shrug and move on as its just too deep for our male minds to understand.

Good for you Confuzzed.

Most people do not know how to be direct and avoid confrontation. There definitely are a lot of people out there that play head games. It is an unfortunate fact of life. A person's response to an emotional situation really depends on age and maturity level.

I hope this helps ease your mind a bit.

Why did you think you needed to push the issue of friendhsip? If she didn't contact you after a couple of emails, I'd take the hint. Besides, don't ever waste your energy on someone who doesn't feel about friendship the way you do. I'm not sure whether she is justified in not wanting the friendship, it doesn't even matter, just move on and forget about her. Her dad stepped in, more than likely at her request.

I was just trying to be a man about it and show that I'm over things but I suppose women should be left to their own stuff when they want to ruin things I'm just amazed that you would want to ruin a possible lifetime friendship over what is maybe being a scaredy cat and nothing else? Sorry for sounding harsh but I have little respect for cowards and she just revealed her self to be one and I have to say I've seen it too much in women these days not in all of course but in enough. Its like why make yourself look so terrible when itd so easy just to fess up and deal with your problems is that really the best option?

Again maybe I think this way because I'm a jerk but damn girl show a little guts why don't you!

You know what confuzzed? I know exactly what you are saying. It really is too bad.
I don't know how old you are but I am assuming you are a teenager. You are going to see a lot of this as you age. It is part of the maturing process. Some people learn quickly, some learn Veeeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyy ssssllllloooooooooowwwwlllyyyyy. Some never learn. It really is shame. Just chalk this up to part of the learning experience and move on. Don't waste your time thinking about it. Not worth the effort.

Yeah the only emotion I feel for her now is sadness for her that she ran to daddy to help deal with me a guy who lives in another country for goodness sake I mean how wimpy can you get I can't even call her even if I wanted to which I certainly do not. I really don't know what kind of dad would even agree to do something like that - if it were my dad hed probably laugh in my face and tell me to solve my own problems but who knows maybe its different for girls and dads

Yeesh the more I think about it I'm kind of happy that I got out of this when I did I mean who can imagine what sort of control her parents have over her down the line I've seen people get pretty crazy about that stuff. I know her mother had a lot of power over her and I know she even read stuff to her mother off my blog which is so omg that I don't even know what to think. Why would her mother even begin to care about what the thoughts of some dude her daughter dumped in another country?? While she was in a freakin other country no less!

I'm almost tempted to write him back saying that you're going to really mess up your daughters life if you keep doing crap like this but really what's the point they'll come to realize that one way or another someday

Poor girl I hope someone can help her down the line because I sure know I cant

There you go. That is the attitude. Just let it go.

And, please, no matter how tempted you are to write to her Dad, don't do it.

Yes, fathers are definitely a lot more protective of their daughters than they are of their sons. Think about it. If you had a little baby girl, wouldn't you want to do everything possible to keep ANY man away. Most men feel that way when they become fathers. As someone who was the only daughter with two brothers, I can tell you that my father was extremely overprotective of me. He remembered what a dog he was in his younger days and he didn't want anyone touching his sweet daughter. My younger brother had a later curfew than I did! That is just the way it goes between Fathers and daughters.

Haha - yeah I see what your saying and I won't do it just out of principle but what would stop me? Its not like he can do anything to me that I could care about. I cared about his daughter its not like he and I have a relationship never even met the guy I mean what's he going to do say he really REALLY doesn't want me to see her again? Good for you bub

The fact that I don't know the man is part of what made it so strange to be receiving emails from him

No one answered my question though... ever heard of a dad stepping in to do his daughters/sons fighting for them when the going got semi-tough?

Frankly, I don't know what he might do. Do you know what he is like? He may well be a vindictive guy and come after you either physically, legally or both. Just because he is in another country doesn't mean he can't touch you.

I am glad you are not going to do anything. And it sounds like you are ready to just let it go. Good for you vc.

Sorry posted my response before seeing your second one.

Yes I have. It is too long to get into here and it is not a story I really want to tell. Just take it from me. Yes I have seen a father step in for his daughter.