I am new to this, but I need help. My husband has been mean ever since I got pregnant with my son now he is 5, we had another son and a lot of things have happened since. He cheated, talked to several women behind my back plus he never stopped looking at porn. I mean I almost think I am a great package as a woman, I am a great mother, I cook, clean, hard working, I can have fun with my man, I look nice, I hold great conversations, I am intelligent, independent, I don't need a man to buy me all kinds of stuff, I am affectionate, faithful plus more.

My down falls are I am sensitive, and I don't like to be pushed around so I get angry when I am disrespected and I tell people about it, I give respect until dis-respected. My heart aches because as a person and a woman I need things like love, affection, kisses, hugs, I like to be told if I look nice, I like to be held and made to feel like I am someone's heart & shown.

My husband has called me every name in the book and I hurt from the things he has done to me still. Its so hard to get over even after I caught him on craigslist looking at casual encounters just a few months ago. To him he considers this minor and says oh a few months ago that's along time ago. His favorite saying is "get over it".

He and I work separate shifts during the week I work 1st and when I get home he goes in. I really only see him on the weekends. Trying to rekindle and talk all these built up emotions is so hard in less than 36 hours. Its 36 hours because he sleeps till noon on Saturdays.I hurt daily, he won't let me leave and he won't leave either. He has an addiction with porn and chat sights and meeting women outside our home. He is very sneaky. But then after we fight and argue for hours or days he states he loves me and he don't know why he does what he does.

He went to counceling once and nothing changed, we can't go together because schedules and money. He talks mean to me and never wants to talk it through. I am not one to cheat I am worth too much to degrade myself. I just want to vent to someone because I have no friends he pushes them all away. He is not affectionate until he wants sex which is once a week or once every 2 weeks.

I am lost and sad and my mind spins and spins thinking of the pain because I see no happiness just fighting. We argue all the time I cry everyweekend, I do it when he can't see because he makes fun of me. All of this has caused me to feel down on myself, I still try to pull myself together to look beautiful for him as he is my husband & so he will notice me but he don't. I am dying inside and I have to keep it in until now.

He went to counceling once and nothing changed, we can't go together because schedules and money.

Um, going to counseling once isn't going to do a darn thing.

He won't go? Both of you can't go as a couple? Then YOU go. And keep us up on what's happening. We want to stick with you through this and watch you get your groove back.

Soon you'll get into such a depressive state that you'll need counselling, shrinking and tons of prozac to keep you walking. Do you hear yourself? "I am an independent woman, but I do everything in my power to satisfy his every need. " For your husband, you should be beautiful and amazing the way you are, without having to try so hard... that is unless he doesn't love you. Do you still truly love this guy? These marriages are the worst, usually, a couple of kids, husband is an ***, no way out... the woman deserves so much more.
I could advise you to spice up your bedroom activity and introduce something new he wouldn't expect. It will keep him interested for a while. Another thing would be to make yourself scarce for a couple of weeks... your mom or a friend, just to catch some air... let him miss you. (you can either take the kids or leave them home, as you wish)

Ignore the boob, and let him have his distraction while you build a life that you enjoy without him. Do what you love to do and make friends and have fun on the week ends, and don't stop until he gets it, or gets gone. No need to argue with him at all, just start doing your thing.

You have spent enough time trying to get his attention, so get your own clean, adult fun to make your own life better.

My husband is the same thing... except he refuses to go to counseling... I am quite aware of having fun and having a life held together of my own and have started to make my goals my priority but for some reason I cannot let him go--love him too much.. his porn and casual encounters are affecting me emotionally because it has become a hindrance to my emotional stability---eaten up myself esteem... everyone in the world compliments me except him and when they do at that moment while saying thank you in my mind I am wishing he saw me that way.. but I know he actually does but will not admit to it because it is a game of love to keep a beautiful women worthless so she will be addicted to getting his love because we want what we can't have--- human nature!! Yes hun... get over it---accept it your husband has mental issues and he is a child who cannot decipher wrong from right concerning his significant other that he chose to live his life with.