Originally Posted by
Jake2008
It reminds me in some ways of a teenager, who's hormones dictate their reactions in inappropriate and exaggerated ways to the simplest of things. "Would you like a piece of toast" turns into an opportunity to vent in an angry way about everything but the toast.
But, that is a temporary situation that most of us tolerate until it eventually passes.
There are many reasons for bouts of anger directed at others. Stress, fatigue, etc. But, those too one can identify the source, help with solutions, and then get back to normal, everyday communication.
For a grown man, married 11 years, with two children to raise, his reasons for behaving the way he does, have nothing to do with his parents. Indeed, if he can identify how his parents' arguing affected him, he should be much more aware of how his anger affects you and the children.
His way of communicating IS through anger, and that is a problem. If he knows he does it, and agrees to change and can't (or chooses not to), and continues to set a bad example for his children, and has you picking and choosing very carefully your words as to not upset him, the problem then becomes impossible to address, and no matter how hard you try, nothing changes.
Change has to come from him. He has to walk the walk of a responsible adult who's problems are directly affecting his own life, your life, and the lives of your children. Whatever those problems may be.
I don't know how long he has been this way, but I doubt you married a man who you thought would be running you into the ground emotionally. While you have tried to 'help' him and he has shown some understanding of his behaviour, it has not changed him, because he does not wish to take the steps to change.
Saying you will, means nothing if it isn't followed up on.
So it boils down to what you are willing to do. If you want to step this up and figure out what's bothering him, I recommend a third party- a counsellor. For him, for you, for both of you. This is a far bigger issue than arguing about the kitty litter. Without knowing why, there is nothing to work with, and nothing to change.
If he refuses counselling, you go. Gain some insight into how his behaviour is affecting you and your children, and what the long term consequences of staying together will likely be, without change. Learn what you can control, and what you can't.
Or, stay, continue as you are, and hope for the best, do nothing and keep believing that, because you love him, everything will be okay.
Sometimes love is just not enough.
