No sugarcoating going on here.
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Originally Posted by Shawk
Well..
I screwed up, not once, not twice, not three times, but at least 10.
It started with her telling me we are "dragging this on," and me being the idiot I am I listened and agreed, 5 days later it's, "I really think we need to talk about this being dragged on.." while I'm in the shower, so I jump out and get the news.. we are dragging this on, I want to be friends, Maby we will have something down the line.[/quote]
You're not an idiot for listening to and agreeing with her on that. If she feels that the relationship is past it's sell-by date, then there's nothing you can do to change her mind. Even if you convinced her to stay at that point, all you're doing is making her miserable while pretending everything is OK for yourself.
I'm not sure why it took five days to go from bringing it up to actually talking about it. That's a bad sign, to me.
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So, we cry together blah blah, we talk, agree, and I get upset after I realize she is truly gone about 5 minutes later, I shut her out, "dont worry where i'm going, just leave me alone" crap like that, when all she is is concerned for me.. so I sit there head between my knees as I watch her leave.
It's natural to be upset like that during a breakup. In this case, it's her mistake for trying to be the one to help you through it... that's just bad form.
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First big mistake, I skip work and go watch a few movies then get drunk, this whole time my phone being in the garbage so everyone is worried where I am, I finally get home, see a text from her and call her.. she says she was worried blah blah everyone was calling her..
I'd be worried, too. You obviously took the breakup pretty hard, and then you go out and get hammered and skip work. That's the path to alcoholism right there... believe me, I know.
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The next day I say sorry to everyone for being an idiot.
Good.
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talk to her more about getting back together, acting more pathetic.
Bad. Too soon for that kind of thing.
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The next day, she is still hiding at a friends refusing to talk to me, and when she did, I yelled and told her she isn't being fair.
The next day, a little more of the same.
Now you're starting to get a bit creepy about it. Hounding somebody who isn't interested in a relationship is bordering on stalking.
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The next day, more the same.. cept I get her friends involved and try to make her friends my friends..
This is no longer bordering on stalking.
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The next day, now I'm being just freaky, following her around, finding her car and putting my ear to the door, doing I use to find just weird and scary.
... You're going to be lucky to walk out of this without a restraining order if you keep this up.
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The past 5 days before we broke up I was working lots, I work late (she hates it,) I have been working as a delivery driver for almost a year now, I get very good money $150 at least a night, but she has always begged me to change my job... go work somewhere where you get off at 10pm or earier.. something.. did I do it. Nooo I'm an idiot.
I'm 21, I just had my birthday January 9th and have been under a lot of stress lately, I don't have a good job (other then money wise,) I hate the job,
Then get a new one. Or put that money towards getting an education to get an even better job.
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I'm miserable without her,
That will pass.
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I was miserable with her...
That does not inspire confidence in where this relationship might go in the future.
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But she was my first love, as stupid as I was during the whole thing I learned a lot.. I learned how valuable and amazing this person is, and I believe she is exactly what I want in a women.
Actually, you made that part up. In every ugly breakup, you idealize the person (to make it seem like they're worth all the trouble it's putting you through), and dismiss all of the stuff that bothered you during the relationship (it wasn't that bad, I'm just misremembering it because she hurt me recently). The truth is she's exactly the same person she has been, and she'll be the same if you get back together.
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She still wants to be friends, but she wants some time (she wanted time from the start but I couldn't go 8 hours without fealing like I'm going to have a heart attack and phoning her and telling her about it.
She wants time, you NEED time. Nothing about anything is going to get better until you get past this obsession. If you keep calling her, talking to her, and telling her about it, it's going to get worse. And she's going to resent it, because it's going to look like you're trying to guilt her back into a relationship (See what you did to me? I have anxiety attacks now because of the breakup).
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So what do I do? Give her time obviously.. but more specificly how do I handle it, how do I give her time, what do I say to myself.. I quit smoking and this is way beyond that. Do I give her 5 days then phone her or just let her phone me, wait forever?
Five days is nothing. You need to be thinking in months here. Don't call her until you don't need to... any time you feed that need, you're just making it stronger.
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I have tried to stop loving her, I have been with 4 women, I loved one, I knew what I was doing, I saved myself for the perfect person, I thought this was her, I still believe it is her, but she is 18 and people say this is one of her games, she is playing me and everyone around her to get what she wants.. how do I get her to want me again?
You don't. She either will or won't, and that's completely up to her. Worry about you. Take up a hobby. Figure out what about you caused friction in the relationship, and decide whether it's something you need to change or not (it probably is, but some people get bothered by the strangest things... I had a friend who had relationship issues because he was more of a book person than a movie person, and that wasn't something to be changed). But even that stuff, don't worry about it today. Today, just break your routine and find something new to do that doesn't have anything in it that is linked to her. Once you get yourself clear of the immediate hurt, you can start to figure yourself out.
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Thanks.. sorry, I can't even type without sounding pathetic.
FYI, I'm willing to kill for this women. :) I'll do anything. Quit my job, anything.
And that, in the end, is why you need to find something else.
