I broke up with my girlfriend of almost three years fairly recently (4 months) and I'm having this problem that I'm not really finding any women who are even remotely attractive to me. I made a pact with myself that I wasn't going to have sex with any girls that I wasn't interested in dating, but I can't seem to find a girl that even sparks my interest enough to pursue, or even think about pursing for that matter.

Of course I still miss my ex, but I have no intention of ever being in a relationship with her, and when I say that I miss her, it's not detrimental to my mental health to think about her.

Another thing I wanted some stranger opinion on, is about the anxiety I have when I'm single.

I was raised almost solely by my mom. My father was "around", and my parents (never married) have a wonderful, not sexual relationship, and everything is fine, but I'm definitely a momma's boy.

I've been in and out of serious relationships since the age of 15. I dated the same girl through high school... and basically just skipped from long term to long term interactions up until just recently, as stated above. This is probably the longest time that I have been single in my adult life and I'm 24. Also, this is the first time I've been the dumper.

I'm not unhappy, nor would I classify myself as lonely, but I find myself looking for someone to fill that role, and it's depressing. Even if it's just someone to talk with on a regular basis. I'd also like to add, that when I ended my relationship with my ex, the more time I was forced into social situations the more I began to realize how insecure I am.

So I guess what I'm asking is...

A. Is the way that I feel when I'm single and the way that I pursue women related to my relationship with my mom, and my upbringing, and is there anything I can do to work on that?
B. Is it normal to have minimal interest in women after a fairly severe break-up, and do you think it's still just too soon to even think about dating?
C. Is there a relationship between my seemingly co-dependant life style, and awkwardness that I now feel being a single man, and if so... how (besides alcohol) can I open up and be comfortable with myself?

This is somewhat scaled down, and there's always details left out... but as a person, I've never felt such a drastic change in myself. Literally, someone flipped a switch and I feel like I have an entire new platter of issues to work on.

I guess the good news is that I know they are my own problems and not some needy girls? I'm unsure.

Thanks for reading.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-520633.html

A. Is the way that I feel when I'm single and the way that I pursue women related to my relationship with my mom, and my upbringing, and is there anything I can do to work on that?
Stop thinking you are pursuing a woman. You are just making a female friend, not unlike your male friends. Keep it simple when you define yourself, or evaluate who you are. What do you want to treat females like your mom? Then I hope its with dignity and respect, no matter their flaws. You have to elaborate a bit on that one.

B. Is it normal to have minimal interest in women after a fairly severe break-up, and do you think it's still just too soon to even think about dating?
Yes its normal, because the hurt, and dissapointment tend to make us to self absorbed to interested in being a happy civil human being to other humans. Dating is having fun getting to know someone (of the opposite sex, assuming you aren't gay, LOL!), not looking for a mate, or sex partner. See the difference? Its about enjoying someone's company for a particular time. You can have fun with as many people as you can handle without commitment, or being exclusive. As long as you are seeing them as a potential partner, then you aren't casually dating, you are trying to replace a hole in your soul, or life, that the ex previously occupied for so long. A sure set up for disappointment because of high expectations. See a date as a friend to share fun with, and there are no other expectations, other than having some good clean fun, as a person. Its called having a balanced social life, and not looking for someone. A great way not to be isolated, and thinking of your own misery too much. BALANCING hurt, and healing.

C. Is there a relationship between my seemingly co-dependant life style, and awkwardness that I now feel being a single man, and if so... how (besides alcohol) can I open up and be comfortable with myself?
Build a life that you enjoy, with friends and activities that make you happy, and share good times with good people. The more friends and activities, the more chances for fun and happiness. Go for it, on your own behalf, for you, and ENJOY your freedom.

A bit of good clean adult fun, with friends family, and fun activities is what my advice is as you heal from the past disappointments, and let downs. When you see being single as an opportunity, you will find the options to be happy, endless. The point is to enjoy your life, single or otherwise, if not make adjustments that allow you to live free, and enjoy every minute.

I dare you, ask me how I know. I would love to share.

A. Is the way that I feel when I'm single and the way that I pursue women related to my relationship with my mom, and my upbringing, and is there anything I can do to work on that?
Keep in mind that I'm no Psychology major, however I understand that a lot of guys see their mother's traits in girls that they find attractive personality-wise. After a break up from a relationship of 3 years, you're probably feeling that the only woman you feel comfortable and secure with would be someone that is reminiscent of your mother. Again, don't quote me on that though because I'm not a Psychology major.

B. Is it normal to have minimal interest in women after a fairly severe break-up, and do you think it's still just too soon to even think about dating?
It is definitely normal to feel that way so soon after a break up, especially since you were with your ex for 3 years. Subconsciously you're going to feel vulnerable towards all women because you fear being hurt by one again. It's something you're just going to have to overcome over time. Confidence is something that will help you build up your emotional strength again.

C. Is there a relationship between my seemingly co-dependant life style, and awkwardness that I now feel being a single man, and if so... how (besides alcohol) can I open up and be comfortable with myself?
There are definitely ways you can open up and be comfortable with yourself without needing to resort to alcohol. Think about what activities you like to partake in or what sort of skills you are good at. Find clubs that revolve around those activities and you will inevitably meet new people that share your same interests. Like I said earlier, confidence is all you need. If you're confident in what you do, then talking about it and doing it with new people will be a piece of cake. Either way, you have to enjoy life and enjoy what you are doing in it.

Don't dwell on the past, live in the moment and build towards your future.

A. Almost everything we do is a product of how we were raised. So yes your up bringing and relationship with your parents has some part to play in the way you are feeling. No I do not think this is the only reason you are feeling like this.

B. Absolutely it is normal. You were attached to this person and for what ever reason you had to end the relationship. This always will mess with not only your interest in other women but your personal self esteem. I suggest that you take some time to work on yourself before you jump back out into the dating thing.

C. I think it would be very beneficial for you to start seeing a therapist or find someone that you feel you can be very honest with who can give to some advice. Talking through your emotions and problems is the best way to truly get to know yourself and when you are strong in knowing who you are your confidence will go up.

Best wishes