I am in a relationship for 2 months. I entered this relationship with a little complication. He told me that he left his girlfriend 7 months prior to us meeting. However she still holds the keys to his apartment. She goes there whenever. Nonetheless, he talks to me 24/7 even when she is there. At one time while I was on the phone with him, I heard him telling her that he is on the phone with his woman and she needs to move on just the same. He is always at my house. Many times he assures me that he is not involve with her. I truly believe him but the problem I am having is that why is she still there. When I asked him, he said if I should know the real reason he would have to discuss the entire detail of the relationship, which he does not agree with. I am now overwhelm with the situation and since now I am asking a lot about her. I told him recently that after July month end I will not continue in such situation. So he says since I can't deal with her being there and trusting him, then I should give him the time to clean up his mess and he is fearful that he will lose me which he really does not want. He says I am is everything and he needs me. He is also suggesting that we slow things down a bit. I am now concern and anxious since I was the one who gave the ultimatum. I am fearful of losing him too.
What does giving space includes... do people still be invovled while there is space?
Please respond I need clarification. Is this the man for me?

I would have told him he has one week to clean up this mess, or I'm history. You are being far too nice.

(Why does she still have keys to his apartment?? How difficult is it to hand them over? Why does he "need space"? To do what?)

Thanks wondergirl! The thing is I am not sure what to do. He ask for the time so I am giving him as this girl don't want to let go. What could be in the detail that he does not want to discuss? He told her about me so what's up with her?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cutebutton

thanks wondergirl! the thing is i am not sure what to do. He ask for the time so i am giving him as this girl dont want to let go. what could be in the detail that he does not want to discuss? He told her about me so whats up with her?

---

I wouldn't wonder about her, but would wonder about HIM.

She doesn't want to hand over the keys, and he doesn't want her to, or he would have demanded that she do so. It sounds like he has a good thing going with two women in his life.

***ADDED***Do this. Tell him you've revised your thinking and are giving him this week to get his keys back and get her out of his life. If he can't do that, you are gone.

How in the world do you break up with someone 7 months ago, and not get your keys back or have the locks changed or whatever it take?

You have only know the guy a few months and already you know he doesn't handle his business effectively, and doesn't give enough details for you to trust and understand the situation, yet he expects blind trust from you.

What's wrong with this picture? You better watch out for yourself, and pay attention, so you can see FACTS, and not get carried away by feelings.

You owe him NOTHING, not time or space, or TRUST, not with all this secret drama going on, and not from someone who isn't playing totally straight with you. So step back and see with a clear, objective mind, if his mess should be yours, or should you allow him to drag you through the crap he is in.

Like I said, you better be careful until you have had all the facts, matter of fact, a safe emotional distance is what I strongly advise and stop giving him a place to hide from his ex, because there is no telling what load of crap he is feeding her.

Use your head, would you still have the keys to someone's apartment, and be there uninvited, and unannounced 7 months after you got dumped?

His words and actions don't match, as they clearly have unfinished business, and you shouldn't be in it.

That's not love, its blindness.

Quote:

---

Discuss more with him what is the 'space' about! Sweetheart if he really love you any at all he will take the time to deal with his situation and you will still be around. Give him the space! All the best with ypur relationship!

---

Your words to another poster. Good advice.

Why do I smell a rat?

If it was over between them, why does she still have keys to his flat?

And why suggest ''you slow things down a bit''?

I wouldn't even give him a week-I'd be gone by now.

Try looking at this another way.

Let's say it was your ex boyfriend who still had the keys to your flat, and came and went as he pleased. All the while your current boyfriend thinks this is inappropriate. If you truly loved your current boyfriend, would you end the friendly ex's relationship with, in order to keep your new relationship going?

Of course you would.

Your boyfriend is clearly still involved with his ex. They didn't break up 7 months ago, and my guess is he needs space because he continue tocarry on two relationships at the same time. He's put you on the back burner.

I would clearly tell him that as long as he is involved with her, he will not be involved with you. Stick to your guns and do what instinct is telling you to do. You've already waited 7 months too long as it is.