My boyfriend and I are both in our late 40s. We have been together for over a year but known each other for over 20. We both agree we have the best sex we have ever had and we are in love and talking marriage. Ok now the problem. One night while he was in the shower I picked up his phone and looked through his pics as we had taken my grandkids boating that day and he took pics with his phone. There was pics of other mens ****s on his phone. I could not beleve it. Didn't say anything but checked few days later and they were gone. The next week I looked again and sure enough there were more. I confronted him. He said he had downloaded them off craigslist to show or send to me. Well obviously that never happened. I broke up with him. He was heartbroken. This man truly loves me. Said he had never done anything like this before. Which I knew he had the week before but didn't say anything. Common sense tells me there is more to the story but my heart wants to just let it go. We are back together. He is wonderful to me in every way. Still... I can't help but wander. What should I do? Stay with him and let it go or run away as fast as I can. His excuse was a lie. I am sure of it. But does that mean he is gay or bi ? Or curious? No one would ever beleve this about him .

If you've known him for over 20 years and this is your first "hint" that he could be gay, I'm guessing he is not gay or even bi. Guys do weird things, especially when it comes to body parts. (Just read up on Congressman Anthony Weiner's situation right now.) And for some reason unknown to women all over the world, guys have a fascination with that particular body part. (Instead, give me dreamy eyes and a muscled torso any day.) Maybe he's worried (irrationally so, with a wedding coming up and complete commitment and OMG!! ) his manhood doesn't quite meet your requirements?

Chalk it up to one of those guy-weirdness things. It sounds like he really loves you and is a keeper.

OmG.. Thank you so much for your quick response. He is good to me and never gave me any reason to think he would cheat... with anyone. I am just scared I will find out later that maybe he is hiding something. Dnt think he is questioning his manhood as he is above average in size as well as skills. We have sex most every day. . But I have decided we need to wait awhile longer before we get married. There was one pic of man on man sex. I don't know? Just so scared. Or maybe I am making too big of a deal out of this.

But I have decided we need to wait awhile longer before we get married. there was one pic of man on man sex. idk ?? Just so scared. Or maybe i am making too big of a deal out of this.

My money is on that yes, you are making too much of it.

How old is he?

The only thing that concerns me is that he is putting these photos on a device that others (you and your grandchildren?) have access to. Or were you messing with something of his you shouldn't have been messing with?

I seem to keep repeating the same advice. Talk to him. Ask him. You are in a relationship with this man and you share his bed. You should be able to talk about this and any other issue in your relationship.

Would the photos concern me? Probably. Would I ask him? You bet!

My other concern is that you looked through his phone without his permission. That's never a good idea.

I'd ask him, straight out.

I don't know that there's a connection between having great sex with you every day and looking at porn - apparently he does both.

You still don't know why or how pictures of penises were on his cell phone. Or who's penises they are, or how long he has been exchanging penis pictures, and/or for what purpose.

I would not be with a man like that, anymore than I would expect a man to be with me if I sent my boobs via phone pics to other men (or women for that matter.)

I don't agree that this is just one of those things. The very least he could do is explain himself. If he has had gay encounters or relationships, it's not a big deal in the scope of things, BUT, you should be aware that he is not hetero exclusively with you. If he is an exhibitionist of sorts, or has had a good chunk of his adult life with this 'fascination' or whatever it is, you need to know that.

Had you not checked for the grandkids pictues, you may never have known if this is a secret he has been keeping for a long, long time. Consider yourself lucky that you have the knowledge that you have, but I would not stop with just thinking it was 'nothing'. I would personally want to be sure of this man.

Thank you so much for your response. He seems very embarrassed about this. Says he was drunk when he downloaded them . However it shows the time they were downloaded and I had been on the phone with him around this same time and he was NOT drunk. I just can't help but think a normal straight man would never look at pics like these. I just don't want to set myself up for future heartbreak. He said he was saving the pics to show me what kind of freaks were out there. Not buying that story for a minute. Just for the record he knows and has even said I am one of the most opened minded people he knows. I told him he could tell me anything and I won't judge him. He says I am crazy to think he could be gay or bi and I shouldn't have looked in his phone. Didn't think either one of us had anything to hide. Now I wonder about that. We don't talk about it anymore but I can't get it out of my head. But thank you for taking the time to respond. I just need to have someone's opinion other than my own.

Tas, I have great respect for Jake2008 who usually hits it right on the nose, so she's undoubtedly correct with her line of thinking. I wondered why nothing has come to light during the past 20 years, so maybe, as he has aged, he has decided he isn't who he thought he always was and wants to explore other possibilities. And maybe modern electronics have made this fetish or whatever it is, this interest of his, so much easier to pursue. Or maybe this was a fluke or just started and has some kind of a rational explanation. I don't know.

Whatever comes of this, I wish you well and am glad you come to this site to ask for advice and opinions.

Actually this is the first time I have ever asked a question or even chatted online with anyone about anything. I am not one to try to put my troubles on someone else. Have always tried to work out things on my own. However I am pleasantly surprised to find people who are caring, kind and seem to want to help someone else. Thank you for taking the time to respond with your opinion. It really does help.

However i am pleasantly surprised to find people who are caring, kind and seem to want to help someone else. Thank you for taking the time to respond with your opinion. It really does help.

I, with great fear and trembling, joined my first online community of mostly women (and one gay guy) back in 1998. It was a good experience, and I even got to meet in person one of those ladies who drove from her home in Spokane, Washington, to visit relatives who live near me. After that site disappeared as people's lives and interests changed, I joined several other sites that were mainly Q&A but also communities in which the site members got acquainted with each other.

That's how it is here. There's a core of regulars who "know" each other and have been here for several years, answering questions for members who come and go. The Internet used to be a scary place (we were all told), but nowadays it seems like everyone in the world has some connection to or has used the services offered by web sites. I have a cyber son in Japan and another in Denmark, both of whom I've gotten to "know" and have communicated with for over ten years. Many of my cyber friends have "traveled" (just as I have) from one site to another as sites change or fail, so we meet time and time again.

You still have to be careful what you post and that you don't give out personal information without great forethought, but you can find some wonderful people on the Internet. Please stay in touch, and maybe let us know if there is an ending to your story.