Ask Me Help Desk - Unfit Parent?

Is a person with two kids considered an unfit parent if they are willing to lie to their children, ex partner, teachers and friends about things like having cancer, or giving their children their medications or even turning school registration papers in. The same parent who has lied about paying for activists or medical bills just for the other parent to find out their children may no longer go see certain doctors or go back to certain private schools. The same parent who tells two 8 year old boys "it's ok if they suck their thumbs as they go to sleep at night" which both are going to need braces. The same parent who doesn't buy them dental floss for their teeth and when given some by the other parent, they just throw it away and tell their kids "that's not the kind we us" and then still doesn't buy any. The same parent who doesn't show up for special school events/lunches o the bi-weekly dinners they asked for personally. The same parent who moves out of state and then makes their children feel like it is the other parents fault... The same parent who doesn't tell the other that they have a really bad virus and they planned on picking the children up anyway for their weekend visit and risk exposing just so they can "have fun" which if the kids are exposed to this virus they will need a spinal tap to test for it. The same parent who doesn't make one of their children wear the ear plugs the doctor ordered him to wear when swimming to prevent his really bad ear infections. The same parent who tells their children " they are only allowed to have ONE mommy and ONE daddy" when in reality the children have TWO of the same parent who love them very much and sadly the "step" one is the BETTER one. Do you think this parent should be deemed unfit?

Being an unfit parent in terms of the law, is tricky.

You're citing emotional things. Things that could be explained away by the other parents. Is this parents abusing the children? Is he/she mistreating them?

Lying isn't an offense. We all lie to our children. Do your kids believe in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the Tooth fairy? If so, that's a lie.

The fact is, this is your perception. Do you really know for sure that this is what's happening, or are you guessing?

I know for a fact that these things happen. I have hard proof of every lie, fake sickness, true sickness. There is no physical abuse but plenty of emotional and mental abuse. This parent is Bipolar and a pathological lire. We have been in and out of court on multiple issues. And yes, parents do need to lie about things like the tooth fairy and Santa but Cancer? Not telling your kids to brush and floss, or even not giving them their meds? Does no one see a problem with this?

So who are you and what is your relationship to the children or the parent. And why are you asking or what do you want to do about it?

I'm looking for other peoples views, thoughts and ideas on these matters... I'd like to keep everybody's relationship and sex out of this.

When posting a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page rather than the Comments.

Doesn't work that way. Anyone can come on here and recite a litany of things that appear to be bad parenting. So you get some people to say they agree that it is bad parenting. What good does that do?

If your goal is have the children removed from that parent, then we can advise what steps you should take to achieve that goal. But we need facts to do so. Otherwise you are just wasting your time and ours.

ScottGem, just an fyi. I don't find this helpful at all... or nice. How am I wasting anybody's time with my question? I've given you the facts I have and I don't see why you need to know who I am the help or answer my question, If this is not the website I need to be talking to people about this on then just say that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by goincrazy

ScottGem, just an fyi. I don't find this helpful at all... or nice. How am I wasting anybody's time with my question? I've given you the facts I have and I don't see why you need to know who I am the help or answer my question, If this is not the website I need to be talking to people about this on then just say that.

You clearly didn't understand anything that I said. This site is for asking for help with a problem. It is for asking specific questions and getting specific help. You are reciting a litany of bad or questionable parenting instances and asking if they are bad. Please explain to me what good that does anyone?

If there is a problem with the way a parent treats a child then the REAL question should be; "what can be done about?". Not; "is it bad?" So just asking "is it bad?" is wasting people's time. And, if the situation is as bad as you are making out, then you shouldn't be talking to people on a website about this. You should be doing something to protect the children. That's what I want to do. That's why I responded the way I did.

If you want help with the REAL question we stand ready to provide that help. But to do so we need more specifics.

This site helps you with YOUR issues and problems, not made up or pretend issues. We help from YOUR relationship to an issue.

If you are a nosy neighbor, we may tell you to call CPS

If you are a teacher the answer may be different.

If you are a family member but not one of the parents we may tell you to mind your own business.

So the answer will and can differ depending on who you are in the relationship.

But the real issue is that no this is not enough in many states to be considered abuse, it is poor behavior but many courts will see the child feed, not beaten and be happy with it.

If the children are upset over it, and depending on their age, they may have a right to testify in court as to what they want.

If you wish to use this to change custody, most likely you will need to have the children interviewed by an independent child counselor or other mental health professional who will be willing to testify in court

Quote:

I'm looking for other peoples views, thoughts and ideas on these matters... I'd like to keep everybody's relationship and sex out of this.

So you're asking for a discussion, or are you asking for help?

This is a help desk. If you just want to discuss good parenting versus bad, start a thread in the discussion forum. The forum you chose means that you're looking for help in this situation, and we can't offer help without details.

Right now you're posting your point of view, your opinion. That's fine. We all ask questions based on our own opinions, our own view on what's happening. If you can prove what's going on, which you said you could, and you believe theses kids are in jeopardy, then it's up to you. Having us say this person is a good mother or a bad mother won't matter.

The issue with your question is that this is a very serious subject, one that can change a persons life, either the mothers, the kids, the father, or anyone else involved.

In order to give you good advice we do need more information. We're not asking for your name, or any personal information. You said you had proof that these kids are being mistreated. If you do, then why are you here and not doing something to get them out of this situation? I wouldn't be posting on a website if a child's life was in jeopardy. I'd be at the police station, or calling CPS. I'd do everything I could to get the child out of an abusive home.

Our opinions on what you said don't matter. We can't change the mother, we can't help the children, you can. If you're witnessing abuse, then do something about it.