Well we met 10mths ago... he is in the Cap in the Navy and was stationed in Tampa and I lived in Orlando. We met at a reggae club, which is not a place that I hang out,but my friend wanted to visit. We danced the entire night, and he asked me for my number and I did give. We spoke the other day for 5 hrs. This man is Black and I am East indian and white, I have never dated or desired to be with a african man, nuttin racially just not sexually attracted. So we did the dating thing back and forth. He told me that he has falled in love 2 times and have been with over 100 people. And has not been faith in any of his 4 relationship. When the time came he asked me to continue seeing him and if we can embark in a relationship, remember heis in Califonia I am in Florida. So I immencely enjoy him interlectually, physically and emotionally. So we were doing the 3 months back and forth. I need to metion that I was a partner at a firm when were dating. My job is traveling most of the time, we decided that I was going to move within 1 yr we were going to buy a home and start our lives. But then I got offered the CEO postions and it is a very large coperation. Now I have a5yr conract I cannot move and my job has very limited traveling. He was not happy about it, but knew that is was a very important advancement in my career. So we pushed everything back 5yrs and was still doing the every 3 months thing. I went out in March for my BD it was awesome. He was suppose to come out in June 25 for his BD but I have a conference that I am the guest speaker and cannot cancel and of all places in Paris. I offered to take him the thing is that as we all know that in the Navy you have to have clerance to travel and it was not granted. So we had to cancel his trip. I have already bought my ticket for Sept. My love is a very sexual person, I am not so because I think I so much to so and so stressed out I tend to put that in the back burner. He has asking me to come out every holiday since christmas even for 3 day but it is very hard to work around my schedule. So the preasure has been building and building, I do a lot of time with myfamily, so this memeorial weekend we normally do a chruch retreat in NY. So we can build as a family I have 3 brother thatare married and they all are from different faiths. So this is the time that we see there point of view on different aspects. I enjoyed it, I spoke to him Friday and normally every night we speak at least 2 hr and mind you there is a 3 hrs difference. But I love this man and I see him in my future, he is strong intelligent and know what he wants in life. He is pursuing his Maters in Accounting and it is very very challenging he works everyd daygo to school while havinga relationship. So he started acting strange on Saturday and Sunday and did not want to talk at all. Then can Monday and I told myself let me give him some space so I did not call him I just texed him g.night. He called me back and pretty much told me that he resents the time that I spend with my family and I do not make time for him. And that he would like to take a break from the relationship because he cannot balance all of the three things and he really want to succeed in life and get his 2 degree so when he leaves the Military in March he will be set for the civilian world. I definitely did not want this and cried for hrs while trying to converse with him. So finallyi gave in and told told him basically that he need to live with the decision what he makes no matter what happens at the end of the 9 months he is asking for he replied yes I am the woman that he has een searching for kind loving understanding, accomplished.. all of that ****. But then I asked him what about managomy, he replied that we can date other people but be very aware of what you are doing. I told him I have a big problem with that. You might laugh but been with 1 person in mylife and I would have stayed with that person but they died. When I was attending college when I got my 3 degrees I did not date I knew that I came here for a reason and I accomplished what I set out for.I am very hurt and confused and I feel like the worst person in the world right now. I asked him not to speak to me for the 9 months he is asking for do notknow if that is a goodidea? What is you toughts??

From what you have written, I don't see a way that you are able, or willing, to compromise your life to a degree that would allow a relationship to develop in the long run.

To be honest with you, if he lived two blocks away, it would still seem that your career comes first, and you don't have the time, emotionally or otherwise, to make a serious go at a long term relationship.

You made the choice to continue with the company you are with, and he has made the choice to stay where he is to continue with school, and the Navy.

I don't see too many possibilities for moving beyond texting, phone calls, and a visit every three months.

Clearly he has said he is becoming resentful of how you divide your free time, and that he should be first on your list. He waits for you to decide whether you are going to visit him for holidays. Both of you can't plan when you'll have time to talk on the phone, let alone move a relationship along.

I'm sorry, but my advice to you is to resolve this, for both your sakes. Sometimes the best of intentions just don't work out. And that is not the fault of one party or the other, it just means that at some point you have to make a decision on what you have, and what will never be.

I see no reason for you to feel hurt, and I do see reason for him to feel hurt. Confusion on both sides, of course. But he has done nothing to hurt you except ask for time off, a very logical request, given that by your own admission you choose to spend a lot of the little free time you have with family. If you love him so much, why would you break contact during a 9 month break? You still have a lot to learn about each other to see if this love is real or just a lot of 'absense makes the heart grow fonder.'

I'd be wondering about what you each will be like if you do finally live together: you have been more monogamous than most, and he has been more casual than most. Will he change because you are the one?
After the first year or two of romance, will you be expecting a husband waiting for you at home after his job, despite your long CEO hours and travel, while he will want to hit the clubs if you are gone? Or will you stay home to have children? Or adopt, or hire nannies and keep working? Or not have children? There's a whole checklist of questions to ask about your futures together.

Maybe with your two areas of expertise, you could start your own business together. I say, keep talking!

The reason I say that I am hurt is that he wants this and part of it is sleeping with other woman. I have no problem with giving him the time 9 months that he asking for his schooling, but that really made me wonder his comittment. As I mentioned he was a very sexual person, and I try to fill that urge but seem it is not enough. But is makes me feel that is all the break is about and tires to apease me by saying he has never had this connection with any other woman in his life. He is very important to me I contemplated not taking this promotion because it will affect our timeline for the future, and the strange this is that we spoke about this for 1 week back and forth and he incouraged me to. Last night he sent me a text asking for the size of my ring finger, I asked why then he said when we meet in March that he has a surprise for ,me. Strangely I love children and that is why I spend so much time with family. But my career will be unfair to a child and he does and want as well.

What you are saying is very hurtful, but I know it is the truth. I do spend most of my free time with my family I love children and I know that it will be very unfair to have one because my career is so demanding. Also I knew when I was going to school what I wanted out of life. My parents were immigrants and I saw there hardship and how it hurt them that they could not do stuff that normal families does, and I mean not frivilous I mean food. I am very proud of what I have accomplished.Not that I am trying to make a excuse, I really try me best to fit him in my life I offer for my jet to fly him out here but he cannot get the clerance.He texed me last night and asked my ring size I asked why he siad he has a surprise for me. I told him save his money!! Even though I have everything or I can afford anything materially, I feel like a terrible person and god punishing me. Why! Did he put me in ths position, when he knew it was bound to fail.. maybe something good will come from this!

He asked for the 9mths since he will be finished with schooling at that time. I was willing to sacrifice my love for his benefit.. that why I said yes.

If he wants to keep options with other women open, you have to decide: do you want him to save himself for you, or do you accept his wish for freedom to keep living life the way he is used to? You say 'sacrifice love' but I find that doesn't address the issue. It's masochistic and will only fester as a long term slow burn, and eventually start to surface in petty resentment every time your relationship isn't ideal. You need to ACCEPT it or NOT ACCEPT it for what it is, not as a sacrifice.

He can love you while having his fun. That's just my personal approach and it might not be good for you. If he falls for another woman, then you know he wasn't right for you, and would have probably strayed anyway.

Don't let him give you a ring. The time isn't right. If he gives it to you ask him to put it away for 9 months.

And TALK about real practical future matters like children, possibly making more money than he, not being home as much, and all those other home wrecking things that happen to two big career people.

You each have two different lives, and two different paths, if you both want to have flings when there is time, that is your choice, to try and make a relationship, sorry, but neither one of you are ready for that.

Next I may question the issue that he could not travel, sounds more like an excuse since there is no reason vaction time is that restricted to Europe.

Also if the relationship was that important, you would not have scheduled a speaking time

So either move on, or enjoy all that this is, fun sex partner when you each have time.

I like you rawness to this, we do talk about the paractical things in our future, we definitely do not want kids my reason is my career it is not fair to a child with my schedule. Him it more personnel had to take care of his sibblings.Do you think if I ask him not to and he give me a answer that I do not want to hear should I break off the relationship giving him his space. I do not see the difference of taking a break because you are the same thing as a singel person just knowing that you have that other person waiting on the sideline once you have had you fun.. am I making sense?? I planned a surprise trip this weekend week ago, so I texed him and told about it, he was very happy. even though I am going there I am just going to vacation with my girlfriends and enjoy. I will be visiting his mother, when I go to L>A . I personally feel a ring has anything to do with a marriage. I have however started to resent him, that is hard to say. This is they may I have fallen in love with.

We have offered differing views, and it sounds like you already knew what you were going to do. That is often the case; we are a sounding board to test your feelings. Nothing wrong with that. It's like tossing a coin and the instant you see if it's heads or tails, ask yourself if you are happy or disappointed with the results.