Ask Me Help Desk - American Girl and Confused Indian Guy

Hi, I am a 22 year old female who has been seeing a 26 year old man from India for 5 months. He treated me great, spoiled me always, and loved me tons. Recently, he changed out of nowhere. He started to become really insecure, and made sure to point out every flaw possible about me. He used, what I would call, a tough love approach, in that he wanted me to become more independent and find myself. After putting me through all of this for about three weeks, he broke it off with me. He said that he needed to work on his family situation. His family is still in India and are not happy about him dating me or thinking about being serious with me or any other white girl in the future. He told me that I need to grow as a person, become more independent, mature, and be able to give more. I am a very nice girl who has always been giving and loyal. He said that it is not me and that it is him. He seems all over the place and gives lots of excuses. He said that he would like to be together again in the future, but I am not sure what to believe. Is he giving me time to grow as a young woman, or is there more to this situation? Do you think that he will come back, or that he is just letting me down easily? Please help me to shed some light on this subject.

His behavior looks to be more matured now. Basing on the information given in your question he wants you to become more independent and to make you more self conscious. Since he clearly opened his mind about his family problems, you can trust his sincerity. My advise is you do not except any relationship with him in future except as friend. Good Luck.

Culture differences. They are hard to deal with. Believe me I know.

Family has a big impact on some people and what they decide to do.

He has a family that is controlling and he listened to what they had to say.

It is hard to let go of something that you do not even know about.

It is better to be just friends with this person, if mutual.

I always suspect someone who tries to change others, but since he is gone, forget him and move on.

I'll suggested you that... if he really love you frm his heart den he'll never go with his family... see love is like a good feeling and trust to each other... if his family accept you or your culture den do it... see culture is not a big issue.. im a indian... and I know about this thing much better... those wo are hang in culture... they are totally bull ... even my family don't believe about this kind of silly matters... so jurge him and his family... if it is not acceptable for u... den move on... see indians are carry a very very good manners bt among all d indians few are very sick... bc all irons are not gold... but its depend upon d humanbeings...

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He used, what I would call, a tough love approach, in that he wanted me to become more independent and find myself. After putting me through all of this for about three weeks, he broke it off with me. He said that he needed to work on his family situation. His family is still in India and are not happy about him dating me or thinking about being serious with me or any other white girl in the future.

There are some countries (India, Pakistan, some middle eastern courtiers) still practice 'arranged marriage' because poverty is prevalent, and people have to survive in the extended family form. Youngsters, especially young men, in the culture have 'duty' to support their family and elderly people. They cannot afford to wed for love. It is not optional. If they want to break the cultural code, they will live in guilt feeling for the rest of life, had to break off from his family forever. It is not that simple as American think.

You seem sweet & lovely girl, only see this guy for 5 month. Please stay away from all the Indian guys. They look like American, but they are not. It is waste. It is not you, your dependency. It is him, he is trying to walk away from you to prevent further turmoil and emotional involvement.

I have an Indian guy working for my company, whose family immigrated to US when he was 6. He grew up in US, got best education, and became 30 yrs. His parents sent him to India for a month, arranged meetings for him to meet a dozen of girls in his social class. He met all of them, liked one of them, met her family, dated a couple more times, got engaged in 2 weeks, and came back to US. He went back to India, wed to the girl in 6 month when her visa is approved. I asked him why he chose the specific girl. His answer is "I need to support my parents for my rest of life, and she will not make any trouble. My parents like her, and she is very submissive."

Did you get it? You cannot be happy with the guy. Find someone else to meet your standard. Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by confusedgal06

Hi, I am a 22 year old female who has been seeing a 26 year old man from India for 5 months. He treated me great, spoiled me always, and loved me tons. Recently, he changed out of nowhere. He started to become really insecure, and made sure to point out every flaw possible about me. He used, what I would call, a tough love approach, in that he wanted me to become more independent and find myself. After putting me through all of this for about three weeks, he broke it off with me. He said that he needed to work on his family situation. His family is still in India and are not happy about him dating me or thinking about being serious with me or any other white girl in the future. He told me that I need to grow as a person, become more independent, mature, and be able to give more. I am a very nice girl who has always been giving and loyal. He said that it is not me and that it is him. He seems all over the place and gives lots of excuses. He said that he would like to be together again in the future, but I am not sure what to believe. Is he giving me time to grow as a young woman, or is there more to this situation? Do you think that he will come back, or that he is just letting me down easily? Please help me to shed some light on this subject.

Though some cultures are different than others and all that,I honestly don't think your situation can be just put down to cultural differences.If we are doing that,we are just generalising.

If you ask me,it's a question of the mindset of the people in a relationship.In today's very global scenario,inter-cultural relationships and marriages are way too common.And this is only being possible cos the people involved in such relationships as well as their families are being open-minded and accepting of the whole deal.If the guy you are dating doesn't belong to that set of open-minded people,then its unfortunate.

At least he hasn't made any pretences about the reason behind his inability to continue with the relationship.In such cases,when somebody gives a certain reason,no matter how weird or unacceptable it may sound to us,its better to take it at face value and do what one has to do.In your case--move on and stop expecting anything to happen.