Ask Me Help Desk - If your girl have doubts?

Hi,

My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years now, she is a great person, and I was her first in every experience she shared with me. When we first met, we both knew we will never be able to marry each other because she is from a different country and different culture. However, we fell in love, and it went deeper and deeper. We had great time for 9 months, that the time she had to stay here due to her mom cancer treatment. She always say that god sent me to her to make her feel better and take care of her in a city she knew no one. In those 9 months, we had the most beautifull days, but she had to leave. She comes back now every 6 motnhs so her mom would do the follow up exams. They stay few weeks and leave again. While she is way I always keep calling and txting, and she text back and calls. It became a long distance relationship.

Every time she is away, she starts to be away. Now she is alone she is blaming her self that this relation shouldn't get so deep and close. I talk to her, show her how much I care and remind her of old days then she comes back to normal. But this on and off keep repeating, and I love her so much in a way I always bring her back to me. She came twice since she left the first time, I proivded nice memories and surprises, and it wasn't the same as before. She says she loves me , but no like before. She always ask to be friends, but once I talk to her she change her mind and start loving me again.

For past few weeks, she start making distance, and I felt it. I didn't ask thinking with some time she will be OK. She wasn't. I asked her, she said we can't continuo and lets just be friends and no one needs to know about the other person private life. After talking to her, she has been having doubts all this time that there is something I hide from her. She thinks that there is somebody else in my life or I am engaged or even married. I was shocked that would this way after all I did. This time is different, she has doubts for over a year and never shared them with me. Now whatever I explain and tell her, her feelings tell her not to believe me. I asked her to give another chance for our relation to work but she says she cant. Last, she said I didn't made her feel better and I made things worse and there is no way she can come back. She can't continuo and she can't love me anymore.

I know I am not perfect, probably I did some behaviors where it made her feel this way. But it make feel bad knowing that she doesn't think I was honest with her all this time. If she came and said that we both are far and we both won't marry then there is no point, lets be friends, in that case I would be more than happy to agree with her. I don't know what to do. I don't want to finish things this way. I think I loved her like I never loved someone like this before. I want her when she remembers me to smile and think highly of me. She is far, and things are different on the phone than being with her. Any advice. Thanks

I think you let this go as it seems the distance and the different cultures have taken their toll on what there was to begin with.

She said she can't continue-believe her.

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we both knew we will never be able to marry each other because she is from a different country and different culture.

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if she came and said that we both are far and we both won't marry then there is no point, lets be friends, in that case I would be more than happy to agree with her.

She shouldn't have to since you both agreed that some day it will end.

You knew this day would come, and you did everything to postpone it. Now there is no more postponing the inevitable. The dreaded day is here, and you have to accept it, as she has.

It was great while it lasted, but now that its over, you have to move on, just as she has. I imagine its hard for you both, so don't make it worse by trying for a different ending. Leave it on good terms and deal with the pain of loss maturely, by accepting its over.

How can I leave it on good terms and she is hurt that I haven't been faithfull to her? Should I call her, or text her? She sounded like she knows something but waiting for me to say it to her. I feel bad leaving her like that. Maybe I am lying to myself that I can end it where we both always smile whenever we remember each other in the future.
So you would have an idea, knwoing I won't marry her, there has always been someone else in my mind that she is the best wife for me. Only thoughts of future nothing serious at all with her. Once,my girlfrieind saw her picture in my phone and I did lie that this picture belongs to one of my brother's friend. She asked me again few days and I lied again , I was afraid she won't understand and get angry and leave. Somehow I felt she knows something or someone told her something, but she won't say. Maybe she is waiting for me to say something. What should I do or say? Keep convincing her or say the truth and leave? Sorry to bore you with all this.

So we have a guilty conscious about lying to her. That's your problem, and explaining it with the truth will do nothing but relieve your guilt, and prove you are not trustworthy so what will it change? Nothing, you will still be broken up, and made no smile come to her face.

How about leaving well enough alone, and don't lie in the future, your future, not hers, as that's the better way to deal with YOUR problems, and guilt, without making them hers.

This relationship had a time limit, no matter what happened, or what will happen, so let go of it, and do better.

So your advice is to end it completely? No calls or texts? No even a room for friends later? No need to prove anything to her? Isn't she feeling bad and probably wish I would call and make her feel better?. my questions are because I love her a lot.. u have been a great help with your words, feeling bad is making me not to think clear.

Yes that's my advice leave her alone to let your head clear, and get your thoughts under control.

Thank you for all your help. Just wish I could talk to her one last time not to relief my guilt, but to make her feel how special she is. As much as I hate to turn and leave like this, I think this is the best for me and her. Thank you again.