I had been struggling in my relationship with my wife over the past two years. Communication, I believe was an underlying issue in our marriage, or so I thought. We had talked about counseling but as soon as we got over our arguments and made up things looked really good and both of us dropped the subject. About two months ago, I came home from work and found her intoxicated and she told me that there was someone else. I confronted her on it and she became very aggressive and left my son and I. OCD and Depression have been a constant struggle with her and I never knew the toll it took on her psychologically. The months prior to her leaving, I have discovered through a series of events... losing a very good job, hospitalization, and an arrest that she also suffers from alcoholism. I always had an idea but was in the denial and resistance loop as I felt I may have contributed to this because she was my best friend and I did drink with her on occasions, but never saw how much it played a role in her life.

From the moment she left she became very hateful and took most of our joint funds. She has threatened to have me kicked out of our house and take sole custody over our child. Seeing that I couldn't reach out to her and to protect my son from any other alocohol related incidents, I obtained a no contact order for my son and found treatment facilities to help her with the issue. All I get from her is hate and contempt and can't figure out why. In addition, I've found other relationships, lies, and huge financial issues.

I've tried to communicate, seek and pay for treatment but in return I get resentment and hate. I can't figure it out. Any help would be appreciated.

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Originally Posted by petemitch1

I had been struggling in my relationship with my wife over the past two years. Communication, I believe was an underlying issue in our marriage, or so I thought. We had talked about counseling but as soon as we got over our arguments and made up things looked really good and both of us dropped the subject. About two months ago, I came home from work and found her intoxicated and she told me that there was someone else. I confronted her on it and she became very aggressive and left my son and I. OCD and Depression have been a constant struggle with her and I never knew the toll it took on her psychologically. The months prior to her leaving, I have discovered through a series of events...losing a very good job, hospitalization, and an arrest that she also suffers from alcoholism. I always had an idea but was in the denial and resistance loop as I felt I may have contributed to this because she was my best friend and I did drink with her on occasions, but never saw how much it played a role in her life. From the moment she left she became very hateful and took most of our joint funds. She has threatened to have me kicked out of our house and take sole custody over our child. Seeing that I couldn't reach out to her and to protect my son from any other alocohol related incidents, I obtained a no contact order for my son and found treatment facilities to help her with the issue. All I get from her is hate and contempt and can't figure out why. In addtion, I've found other relationships, lies, and huge financial issues. I've tried to communicate, seek and pay for treatment but in return I get resentment and hate. I can't figure it out. Any help would be appreciated.

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What type of help are you looking for, exactly? This was posted in the Law forum but I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish.

Are you looking for legal advice or more relationship advice? If it's the former, please explain your question. If it's the latter, I can request that the thread be moved to a more appropriate forum where people would be better able to help you.

My apologies. It is the latter. Thanks.

Not a problem :)

Does your wife acknowledge that she has a problem? That's the first step. If she refuses to admit she has issues with even one thing, then all of your efforts will be in vain.

I speak from experience; my bipolar mother decided after 25 years of marriage that she didn't want to be with my father or be our mom anymore. She moved out, filed for divorce two months later, and to this day, still refuses to acknowledge that she made these choices. She still blames everyone else: she says my dad didn't communicate with her, she says her dad gave her a crummy childhood, she says we "didn't understand" what she was going through, etc.

Has your wife been given a diagnosis?

Are you intending to file for divorce?

The first thing you have to accept is she is dangerous to you and your family, and while she gets help, if she gets help, you are to protect you and your family.

It could be years if ever she gets healed, so make the well being of your family the priority, no matter what she is suffering from. If you or your children need help, which is sometimes the case, then get it.

Sorry to hear of your situation, truly tragic, but as the only sane adult, let her go to protect the truly innocent in your care that you are responsible for. That's the highest priority as you heal from this dilemma.

Get a lawyer, and a counselor my friend, very soon.