How to I get my boyfriend to be more affectionate.we have been together for 2 years and living together for 1.He used to be more affectionate when we first met but now I give him all the affection with nothing back in return.he only tells me he loves me when I say it first,and he used to take me places or occasionally surprise me with flowers or something but he hasn't done that in a year no.He was married once before 4 years ago and didn't work out, and has 2 grown kids living in another state that he hasn't seen.On another note recently I was pregnant almost to term but lost the baby.I have been told he has always have a problem showing his emotions and affections.I have had this problem even before I was pregnant,even though he was thrilled when I was nothing changed in the relationship other than him being overjoyed about the pregnancy.How to I get him to show me that I'm important to him Any advise.

Have you talked to him about how you feel? When we commit to a long term, serious relationship we tend to get stuck in a routine. We lose sight of the special things that got us together in the first place, but what a lot of people don't realise is, relationships will always need work and effort on both sides.

Its very easy to lose this after the "honey moon" stage. He sounds like he is comfortable with you and has no fears of losing you because you're living together now and all the getting to know one and other is over, he needs to realise that you still need to be wined and dined every so often and to still turn on that charm you fell in love with in the first place, otherwise you will forget what made you both attracted to each other.

Talk to him. Agree on a date night maybe every week or maybe two weeks, meet each other at the agreed restaurant, like how you used to meet on your first dates, go back in time for a night. Do your bit by maybe dressing up for him, the way you dressed to impress him in the beginning.

Get out of the comfort habit your both in now and make new habits :)

I have talked to him in the past about him being more affectionate but even then he told me that he's not a very affectionate person,and has always had a hard time showing it, and tells me that I worry too much about us

I personally am not a very affectionate girlfriend. I don't like to hug or cuddle and I am also very un-romantic, whereas my boyfriend loves all of these things. But I do show him in my own way how much he means to me. I never let him down, I'm loyal, I'm there for him anytime he needs me and I do a lot of looking after him.

Look deeper into your relationship.. is there other things you boyfriend does that shows he loves you? Does he put you first, does he never let you down, does he make you feel safe and protected? These could be his own ways of showing his affection. Think about it.

There is a typical view on how to show affection but not everyone is like this.

There really just aren't any personality-related things you can 'get' other people to do. That's asking them to change something that's been there their whole lives, and it's almost impossible. Plus, you might want to ask yourself if you are too needy, and if you have unreasonable expectations about the 'stages' relationships go through as you settle into something less romantic. Once you start complaining, too, you might be cutting off your last hope of getting spontaneous and happy expressions of love.

Sometimes this topic requires that 2 people sit down with each other as though they are in a classroom taking a test. You each write down what you hope for, in a list. Then you read them to each other and decide what if anything can be done about each one. It's OK if it's all trades. He forces himself to express love in specific ways you like, and you force yourself to accept X number of times a day that you can get by without it. He kisses your neck 4 times a week while you do the dishes; you don't say you love him (except when he's jumping in his car and can't answer back) all that week. Or ask how you look in that outfit, etc. in exchange for flowers maybe 4 times a year. It may sound phony, but it's an exercise in finding harmony. I myself would trade a thousand I love yous for being told how my cooking is. All that work and not knowing if it was worth it.

You also need to have a separate and serious talk about losing the baby, and what it means to each of you. Save that for a few weeks after you get going on the exercises.

I'm the same kind of woman

Women needs to be loved and men needs to be understood.
From what you have wrote, I can definitely say that he loves you, but he is not expressing it.
Its not unusual. That's normal with most men, we will pour everything we have to get a girl, but the
Efforts eventually fades once we have the girl. Unfortunately men's mind is structured in such a way.
What can be done here is, two things: Please do not confront him with this topic, like, asking him if he loves you anymore or stuff like this. Let him know that only you can understand him more than anyone else. Also, lead your independent life like girls night or watching movie and stuff. He will run back to you.
Best wishes

Thank you for your imput

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