Hello there, Im Hannah and I need help to understanding my feelings which is the main reason why I'm on this site so I can get insite. Where do I begin. Well, for a while I've had this feeling that I just couldn't describe. Now I could. I just don't know what it is. I realized that I have lost myself. Ive lost myself in the abyss. I always doze off, I can't concentrate which is the reason why my I haven't been doing well at school which just ****s on my mood even more. Im always always tired. I just am at the point where I am so uncomfortable with myself physically and mentally. I just hate this feeling. I often have the urge to scream on the top of my lungs but at the same time I have the feeling to cry until my eyes run dry and I just have no idea why?
Please put your inpute :) anytthing is appreciated

Have you told this to your parents?

Thanks for answering girl.. but to answer your question... no I have not. We don't really have that kind of relationship.. wait should I?

Is there anyone you can confide in?

You could be depressed;can you make an appointment with a school doctor or nurse?

Hmm.. ill definetlyt look into that... thank you very much!

scream = anger
cry = sadness and hurt
These are emotions we all have, just in varying degrees. 'Lost in the abyss' is one of those feelings I remember when young, because when young I had no clue about who I was, who I was supposed to be (expectations from parents), and what I wanted out of life. That will resolve itself with age, but I know for me it took a heck of a lot longer than most people I know. I'm not so sure that I will ever be in a comfortable place, still having emotions about life that go from one end of the spectrum to the other.

One way to work on this is to search your heart for very basic feelings about hurt. Hurt usually starts it all, and anger results from hurt, and general sadness next, and depression is that dull ache that tries to hide all the true feelings. Parents, siblings, friends, teachers. What they have said, how they think of you, are you smart and pretty and cool enough for them or not? Are THEY happy, or taking out their misery on you? Parents like each other or not? Did something start a bad relationship between you and anyone that could be started over by talking?

Thank you!. yeah its just a confusing complicated feelings I don't even know where originated but its sure as hell hard to figure it out too.
To be honest I'm not sure what you by having a bad relationship and start over by talking... :)

I mean, any problems with parents or a best friend, rather than a general lost feeling?
I'm not trying to suggest that the world out there isn't an abyss - in many ways, it sure is.

Ah, yes many problems with my parents, boys and friends. Its just always a stressful envirnment where I live. Imagine waking up and dreding the fact of going to school and going to sleep dreding the fact your home. You know? Its like negative energy all around.

OK.. can you give an example? Start with something about home that you dread.

I dread the fact my parents don't give me air to breath, that I can't hold a straight conversations with them cause it will end up turning into a fight, how stubborn they are thinking there right no matter what, how they blame everyone else but themselves for how I am, how there irrational asswholes, how my mother called me ugly and fat and actually meant it bottom line theyres always negative energy flowing and no matter how much I try to avoid it, it finds me and hits me really hard and just how ****in crazy and unhappy they are which they try to put it out on me. Also no matter how much I try to make them happy they never are AND one more thing lol.. how I'm build off insecurities that they fed me at a young age.

How old are you?

Thanks.

I am 17 years of age.

With the symptoms you have described in your post, the first place I think that might be helpful in starting to deal with all the resulting problems, is a visit to your family Doctor. Explain exactly what you have said here (write it out, or print it out), and show him how you are feeling physically, and emotionally.

I am beginning to suspect that there is more going on than just not getting along with your parents.

The tricky part is, that when you are in the thick of things, and feeling the way you do, it is hard to realize that some of it, at least, may not be under your control. You are looking for answers and understanding to how your feeling, but the symptoms you describe, in my opinion, need checked out by a Doctor.

If you were to read your original post now, and take out anything that describes how you are feeling, most likely you would not be thinking the way you are, i.e.. That your parents are responsible for it. I'm not saying your parents are perfect, God only knows parents make a lot of mistakes, me included, but again, the symptoms cannot all be blamed on them.

My advice to you is to start with your Doctor. Discuss exactly what you have talked about here. See what he/she says about possible reasons, and possible solutions. Perhaps counselling might be the next step. This is not something you have to attend with your parents, but you can sit and talk to a qualified counsellor face to face to help you work through it all.

What I worry about is that if you don't choose to help yourself by getting help, what you are experiencing now, will only get worse. For example, I get the impression that but for the dozing off, and having extreme mood changes, school wouldn't be a problem for you. That in itself, is an example, that you may be dealing with something within yourself, that you have little control over.

I hope that you will post again.

I agree with you let me tell you it definelty goes deeper than just my parents. They are definitely are not all to be blamed. Its just its so many things at its hard to explain them all so I choose one that's been bothering me on a different emotional level than how I see myself. I know for a fact I have some emotional problem I must deal with and this is problem my body responding to it all. Its just I guess the hard part that I just can't figure out is how.

I also want to thank you its nice to know there are people out there willing to help others so thank you :)!