I wrote a post on here a few weeks again about my problem with Jealousy.
I thought it was getting better after I read everyone's replys but its not.
Last night we were watching the telly when a naked woman came on I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter just because he was watching the telly! I know how stupid I am so I don't need people telling me that I am pathetic and stupid I KNOW THIS!! I just need advice of how I STOP feeling like this!!
Please help, I'm so scared I'm going to mess up the best thing that's ever happened to me.
My boyfriend was crying last night because he said sometimes its so hard. I feel so bad...

Have you considered Counselling in order to deal with the root of your Jealousy and insecurities? It may help.

Yes I have but the thing is I live in Mallorca (spain) and have only lived here a couple of months and would not have a clue where to start looking for councilling!

You obviously have a computer so just start googling therapist or counselors.

Yes, googling will do it, you should research the best counselors and see if they have any specialisms.

You can get professional counseling online I believe which you pay for but I would recommend face to face counseling.

Seems like you aren't recognizing the 'good' in yourself, you can start there.:)

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Originally Posted by lollipopgirl83

I wrote a post on here a few weeks again about my problem with Jealousy.
I thought it was getting better after i read everyones replys but its not.
Last night we were watching the telly when a naked woman came on i could feel myself getting hotter and hotter just cos he was watching the telly! I know how stupid i am so i dont need people telling me that i am pathetic and stupid I KNOW THIS!!!! I just need advice of how i STOP feeling like this!!!!!!!
Please help, im so scared im gonna mess up the best thing thats ever happened to me.
My boyfriend was crying last nite cos he said sometimes its so hard. I feel so bad...

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You should definitely seek professional help. BOTH OF YOU! But you may try being nice. For instance when he was watching TV and the naked woman came up you should have walked over and kissed him. But you should definitely do something to learn how to control it. It will take patience and more patience.

It sounds like you doubt yourself. The root of jealously is the same root of insecurity. Once you believe in yourself, and that you are worthy of this great man, your jealously will slowly disappear. Believe in yourself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... to him you are it. You are beautiful both inside and out... this is why he is with you.

Remember the women on TV are on TV and he can't touch them. They are his eyes and he is free to look. Do you ever look at other men? We are human and it is OK to look, there is no harm in that. If he starts blowing it out of proportion and being disrespectful with you right there that is a whole other story. Another thing... have some self confidence and trust in your relationship.. if he does the wrong thing then he does. Worrying and being jealous won't change anything but distance him from you in time. When you find yourself getting upset start to focus on yourself and breathe very calmly... deep breath in and slowly breathe out... you will start to be grounded in your body and do that for even 30 seconds to start... then clear your mind... free your mind of all the bad thoughts. Maybe when he is not around focus on what you tell yourself and why it bothers you so much when this happens (right it down and challenge those thoughts). Try not to be afraid. You are upset by this because you fear something.

Thank you kiddybaby your post made a lot of sense.

First: You need to work on yourself esteem, because it is low.

Second: Your not being stupid or pathetic.

Third: You need to get counselor in order to get to the root of the cause of your jealousy.

Fourth: Please know that you are not stupid or pathetic. Jealousy happens but I know there is a deeper issue with you but it has a lot to do with yourself esteem. What has happened to you to cause such low self esteem. Once you get to the bottom of this then you can work on getting it back and you will be more confident and you will not have such an issue with jealousy.

Sixth: Women on telly. Okay is he with the women on the telly? Or is he with you? He is there with you. He comes home to you. You are with each other. He is not with that girl on the telly so you have nothing to worry about.

Joe

Jealousy is called the "hurt of percieved loss". YOU decide that you are losing out on something without all the facts adding up. There really isn't any loss occurring, if you stop and calmly look around. It also tends to activate an old hurt too, one that is more "legitimate" than the present one being cooked up. The old hurt is one that told you something along the lines of "you aren't worthy". It can be a deeply buried self worth issue. You would benefit by looking into it further, either by yourself or with the help of a counselor. I learned this in marriage counseling when I was married to someone who was very jealous. He was raised to compete for the love of his parents and it really messed up love for him. He thought love was a QUANTITY thing so that if I loved someone other than him, it subtracted from my love for him. It showed up when we got a puppy, as amazing as that sounds! I hope this offers a little helpful perspective.

This is an ongoing problem, you have stated it before in other posts. If you have not found a good relationship book yet, please look for one and start reading.

Here are a couple of sites to help you get started. If you not take control of your jealousy now, you will have this problem in the next relationship. If I remember right, you have tried to deal with this before in other relationships.

Jealousy ~ How To Overcome Jealousy and Stop being Jealous

Jealousy

Jealousy: How to Kill the Green-eyed Monster

One of the books that might help you is:

Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life (Paperback) by Russell Friedman, John W. James

Find a book by Dr. Wayne Dwyer or Dr. Phil McGraw - they write about relationships. And good luck and hope you can learn to overcome your jealousy.

Hey thanks for everyone's advice. My jealousy is Definitely down to my low self esteem, I am constantly comparing myself to other women and thinking that they are better than me. I do not know when this started. I cannot think of a time when I have not felt like this. I cannot look at myself and be happy with what I see, I always think I can look better and that my boyfriend could get someone much more beautiful if he wanted. I don't think I am "ugly" and people are always saying that I am pretty but... oh I don't know!!
I have just ordered a book on Amazon about overcoming jealousy. I really hope this is going to help me out a bit.
Yes shygrneyzs this has been a problem in previous relationships, my ex loved me to pieces but I was so jealous that in the end I drove him to cheat on me. We had been together 5 years. I don't want another relationship. I know I have found the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with and he wants the same to (he says) but I need to sort out my insecurities before I spoil everything.

You have made a good start here. Looking honestly in the mirror isn't easy to do. Admitting to yourself, let alone us, what you do to make it worse is also brave. May I invite you to never compete or compare with anyone except the ideal version of YOU? That is what makes golf so popular, by the way LOL

Besides, it is the only way out of the madness. You won't be able to stop the comparing but you can change the ruler you are using to measure.

We are all gifted in certain ways, unique creatures each of us and so its really quite impossible to compare fairly. You practice what I call "bad science" where you stack the deck to get the same bad outcome where you don't measure up. That's hardly fair! LOL

What you need to remember is everyone has their flaws -- did you see that outrageous spread Jamie Lee Curtis did with no make up and her cellulite thighs hanging out! She was just so fed up making ordinary people feel bad with her airbrush perfected but oh so phoney images that she insisted the shoot go this way (I forget what magazine now but I suspect it caught the attention of the Dove soap company who is now on that same bandwagon and getting lots of kudos for it too LOL)

If you watch too much TV or read enough magazines, you come away thinking you're fat, ugly, mishapened, hairy, flakey and smelly for pete's sake! That's cos' low self esteem is sooooo much easier to sell their crap to!!

Perhaps you need to make a scrapbook/journal, one with pics of you and small simple attainable goals of improvements to make to you. You can visibly chart any progress you make about yourself and whenever you hear the knock knock of that ol' jealousy monster at your door, seek refuge in your scrapbook/journal -- just a thought!

I have the same problem, I hate when my fiancé sees a naked women. On TV it doesn't bother me so much but porn and strip clubs really get to me. My fiancé is pretty understanding of my insecurities and doesn't go to the strip club but movies I don't so much worry about I mean yeah it gets to me but not so much as like porn and other things. Honestly you feel just like one million other girls feel. You probably should seek help to better yourself esteem and you might always be a little jealous but a little jealousy can show that you care. I just wanted you to know your not the only one.

Thanks ashcash. I know I'm not the only one but the problem I have is serious! I mean a little bit of jealousy is cute and like you said shows that you care BUT my jealousy is ugly! I feel so sorry for my boyfriend because I know he feels so scared that he's going to say the wrong thing or something. Do u think your jealousy comes from your low self esteem? Do u know why have have low self esteem? Cos this is the question I cannot seem to answer!

You could Google and read up on it just to give you some insights. Cheaper than counseling.

I've read your questions and were are the same person I completely relate to everything your feeling. I have had many mental breakdowns and have been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder but I think I am mainly anxious and have ADD. I totally understand and I would love to talk to you sometime about it.