Ask Me Help Desk - Custody Options

My ex husband and I separated when my daughter was 5 months old, He went to jail when she was 8 months old because he had a drug problem that resulted in him getting arrested on numerous counts of felony theft. I finally had enough money to get divorced, and it was finalized when my daughter was 17 months old. I tried for a bit to take her to see him just for his benefit, but I stopped when she was about 19 months old. When my daughter was 21 months old my ex was released from jail, October 2010. Since then we have had no real contact with him, I have spoken with him twice since his release, the last time was 6 months ago. I don't know where he lives or how to get in touch with him. Honestly I don't want to. I want to keep my daughter away from him and his lifestyle. I have never received one cent from him, and don't care to. I want have all of his rights taken away, and have her adopted by my fiance'. I just want to know what I can do. My fear is that if something were to happen to me, her father would get custody of her, even tough he clearly does not want her.

First... there are very rare cirumstances in which rights are terminated. This does not sound like one of them. He has not been proven to be a clear and consistent danger to your child. The stickies on this forum are a good source for information.

You need to file for child support if you have not done so (Your child does have the right to be supported by both parents, and you should pursue it on her behalf). You need to formalize your sole custody with a custody order. If you are considering a step-parent adoption, you need a step-parent. You need to marry your fiancé, and in many places, have been married for a year to petition for a step-parent adoption. It will be far easier to complete the adoption if the father consents. In short, you need to make contact with the father, and you need a lawyer to help you if he will not consent or you cannot locate him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesnicole1985

My ex husband and I separated when my daughter was 5 months old, He went to jail when she was 8 months old because he had a drug problem that resulted in him getting arrested on numerous counts of felony theft. I finally had enough money to get divorced, and it was finalized when my daughter was 17 months old. I tried for a bit to take her to see him just for his benefit, but I stopped when she was about 19 months old. When my daughter was 21 months old my ex was released from jail, October 2010. Since then we have had no real contact with him, I have spoken with him twice since his release, the last time was 6 months ago. I don't know where he lives or how to get in touch with him. Honestly I don't want to. I want to keep my daughter away from him and his lifestyle. I have never received one cent from him, and don't care to. I want have all of his rights taken away, and have her adopted by my fiance'. I just want to know what I can do. My fear is that if something were to happen to me, her father would get custody of her, even tough he clearly does not want her.

You're right - if something were to happen to you, your daughter would automatically be placed with her father. Which is why you need to take the proper steps now.

If you were divorced after she was born, a custody agreement should have been entered into the court. What does it say his rights are? Was he granted joint legal custody? Was he granted visitation rights upon his release?

As already stated above, the courts will be hesitant to allow your fiancé to adopt the child until you have been married for a significant amount of time. The court will view a marriage as being more "stable" than just an engagement.

And unless he consents, you're going to have a hard time getting your ex's parental rights terminated unless you can prove that he is a danger to the child.