I have been dating a guy who has been sober 6 months. We have been together for over a month. We have known each other for quite some time as my best friend is his best friend. We are taking it very slow and we both are starting to fall for each other. I want to be very supportive, understanding, and patient. Was wondering what I can do be a very supportive, understanding and patient girlfriend. It has been a little rough for me but I am willing to do what it takes to be there 100% behind him. He goes to a lot of meetings and we spend about 1 day to 2 days a week together. Please give me as much information on being a girlfriend of an ex-alcholic. I do not drink myself so no problems there. Not even a few with the friends. Thank-you!

I haven't actually experienced this type of situation before, I have never dated anyone in recovery but it sounds to me like everything is going good with you guys, I don't think there is anything you nescessarily need coaching on. Although I could be wrong!

Unless you guys come to a cross roads where he may be falling off the wagon then I would start to look for help, but neither of you drink, your both having fun, he is attending his meetings, everything is going good! :) so keep at it, sounds like your being as supportive as you can by just being his girlfriend. Don't look for solutions to problems that haven't yet happened, and hopefully never will!:)

I know a few people in recovery and most have been advised not to get involved in a relationship until they have been sober for a full year. They need to focus entirely on their recovery and making amends in existing relationships and work on getting their own life on track before they involve another person. Other reasoning that's been explained to me is that the euphoric feeling of a new relationship can mask the feelings of recovery, and simply replace some of the impact of the former substnce use, and only delays the person actually fully experiencing what they need to withdrawing from those substances.

But you're already in this relationship so I would recommend that you and your boyfriend meet with his sponsor, that you join and attend AlAnon which is an organization for people who have alcoholics in their lives, and most of all take it very slowly.

Absolutely do not move in together. Do not pay his bills or help him in any way with finances. Do not rush him into a commitment, nor let yourself be in any kind of commitment with him. If you want to give a future with him a try you should also commit to a clean and sober lifestyle, as if you want to go to bars or order wine at dinner, or have a party where you serve beer, you will be undermining him. Do not save him from his own messes if he relapses and do not go pick him up, bail him out of jail or otherwise enable his misbehaviors - he has to go through this whole process and suffer the consequences of any of his own actions fully, whether good or bad.

Many recovering people have been derailed by new relationships when these people, in the name of love, "make up for" the tough love tactics of others in the person's life who are trying to force the person into active recovery. For example, parents of adults in recovery may refuse to bail their son out of jail after a bender in the hopes that the experience and legal system will force him into complying with recovery, then a well-meaning girlfriend bails the guy out and ruins the opportunity at recovery.

Keep your time with him limited, maintain your own social life and interest and know this cannot be a quick deal - he needs time whether he wants to take it or not.

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Brilliant advice! You have given me loads of insight too!

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Absolutely brilliant advice.

The only thing I would add to this advice is its only been a month together so be aware there is much to learn, and while it's a lot for him to deal with his own demons right now, a relationship may be out of his reach at this time as its VERY important for him to stay focused, so keep your own expectations very realistic, and pay attention very closely.

No I have never recommended starting a relationship after 6 months in recovery, and you would do well yourself to consult with an ALANON group, so you know what you are dealing with.

You may like this fellow and want to support him, but without the tools you simply cannot. Plus you know nothing of what he is capable of when taken over by his demon, or in the throes of being restless, irritable, and discontent.

Talk with his sponsor, and get in touch with an ALANON group. That's a start.