Hi! I just cut this guy off a couple weeks ago and not talking to him is killing me now even though I cut him off. I have known him for about 5 months and he texts me everyday since we met, sometimes calls too. Went out by ourselves. But I slept with him several times without being in a relationship... but he still comes see me without having the physical things. He takes me to the beaches and for a movie. He got me a stuffed animal and I thought it was sweet.

I recently ask him if he wants to take this relationship to the next step. He told me he really likes me and wants me but then he isn't ready and committed enough for a true and serious relationship and maybe in the future we can but not right now. For us to continue being friends and what I want. I thought he had some problems to get into a relationship but he said he doesn't really have that much problems and he's not that selfish to talk about all his problems to me so he would rather hear what I have to say. He told me that he still wants to talk to me and he doesn't want any hard feelings not talking to me. I told him to talk to me if he wants to but I won't but the day after, I had to change my number for some reasons and haven't told him yet. I don't know if I should... I didn't feel that he was just playing me or whatever but I don't know

If guys just playing, do they texts or calls every single day for like 5 months?
Nothing's going to change in our relationship?
Should I just give up? Or should I keep with him?

Help I'm totally confused:(

Why don't you continue the friendship and see where it goes? Maybe he just got out of a relationship and is really not ready for one, time will tell if this is the case or if he is just wanting to get in your pants (again). Regardless, enjoy the experience and don't be so pushy on exclusivity?

Good Luck,
Javi

The 'i'm not ready for a relationship' line that males use is a typical response when they either: don't want to date you, are holding out for something better, prefer getting the milk without purchasing the cow, etc.

All the above reasons may seem different, they are not. They all equal the same root. That root being this guy NOT wanting to date you.

Have sex with you, yes! Hang-out and then have sex, yes! Just hang-out, maybe. Be your friend, maybe. Be your boyfriend and date you, not likely.

Do guys call and text every 5 months? Yes, they do. For sex, probably a lot longer than that! Does it mean he would have done that had there been no possibility of sex? In retrospect, nope.

Sorry, but you wanting to be friends means to him you want to continue being 'friends'. So I'd say tell him that you 'are not ready for his friendship;)

I think having sex before you worked out what you both wanted from each other was a serious mistake, and stopping all contact with him just because he wasn't exactly wanting what you wanted, was another mistake maybe, as now would be the time to discuss the subject. I think you talk without the sex part, and see if mutual agreement can be reached at least.

Why not just date him and have some fun together? You seem to enjoy each others company.

You said he still talks to you and comes to see you even without the sex. It sounds like exactly what he told you... he likes you, but he isn't looking for a serious relationship.

If you are wanting to be in a serious relationship with someone right now, then keep your options open until someone comes along who is looking for the same thing. That doesn't mean that you can't continue to go out with this guy, be good friends, keep the sex out of it, and enjoy yourselves.

Thank you so much for your advices!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think having sex before you worked out what you both wanted from each other was a serious mistake, and stopping all contact with him just because he wasn't exactly wanting what you wanted, was another mistake maybe, as now would be the time to discuss the subject. i think you talk without the sex part, and see if mutual agreement can be reached at least.

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Thanks for your advice. Yes I think having sex without being a relationship is the worst mistake I've ever made. I'd like you to ask one more question. Why would you think stopping all contact with him was mistake as well?

From what you wrote, he doesn't act like that's all he wants. You gave it, so he took it, but he does other good things also, am I not right? Maybe he doesn't come out and do it the way you want, but it takes two to define whatever this interaction is, and since you are enjoying it, and want a title, then you have to talk.

Maybe its way too soon to be exclusive, or have a commitment, or title, but not too soon to enjoy getting to know each other. You never know what can happen in 6 MONTHS of casual dating,and no sex. So I think if you quit trying to rush things and let it flow, without the sex clouding the issues and your judgments, you at least get more facts, and better knowledge of exactly who this stranger is, beyond the physical attraction.

And you are free to see others too. So why close the door of communications because he isn't ready for what you want in a few weeks?

I have been in this situation before. It completely stinks! There is always a possibility for something to happen later on, but it's also not good to wait around. You can miss out on something that is much better for you. People in general can be confusing and he sound VERY confusing. If there wasn't any kind of interest, I don't see why he would continue to contact you in any way. If you want to continue the friendship, then that's OK. I felt that in my situation continuing the friendship was pointless. How was I ever going to get over him if I were still "friends" with him? Therefore I started to distance myself. Doing so lessened my feelings for the guy which was much better for me. Don't drive yourself crazy.. just live your life. Give him your number but maybe explain to him that keeping in contact with him constantly may be too much for you since you know that he's not looking for something and you do have feelings for him...

I have known him for about 7 months and he texts me everyday since we met, sometimes calls too. Went out by ourselves. But I slept with him several times without being in a relationship before... but he still came see me without having the physical things. He took me to the beaches and for a movie. He got me a stuffed animal and I thought it was sweet.

A couple months ago, I asked him if he wants to be into a serious relationship. He told me he really likes me and wants me but then he isn't ready and committed enough for a true and serious relationship and maybe in the future we can but not right now. I thought he had some problems to get into a relationship but he said he doesn't really have that much problems and he's not that selfish to talk about all his problems to me so he would rather hear what I have to say. He also told me that he still wants to talk to me and he doesn't want any hard feelings not talking to me. He didn't talk to me for a week after we had this conversation.

I didn't feel that he was just playing me or whatever but I don't know. He still talks to me pretty much everyday and we hang out without having the physical things now. If there wasn't any kind of interest, I don't see why he would continue to contact you in any way.

Is he just playing me or trying to sleep with me?
Do you think if I want a relationship then it's time to move on from this guy because he's not going to give it to me?
I don't really know what he wants and I'm really confused:(.

Things haven't changed since your first post, so its friends, and some benefits every now and then. Why would you still be having sex with a guy who keeps telling you he isn't wanting a relationship.

What he is saying after all this time is things are fine for him the way it is.

Oh, and label or not, title or not, You both seem to be enjoying whatever your doing, even though the communications isn't there. So talk, or walk.