Hi I am 27 yrs old guy from pakistan.. I don't know but I am in desperate need of advice.. I met this girl in my office 6 months back.. since than I went for her.. I propose her and she agreed... everything was so nice and cool.. we had a wonderful first two months.. I send my proposal to her home which was almost accepted.. (which she later rejected because she wants to be settle abbroad and I have my family ties in my home country so I can't move there)

I make money which is good for enough living but the girl told me that she is looking for some extra rich guy.. need bigger car.. buy her gold jewelry and stuff.. I usually spend double of my income on her for whole last six months.. I try to fullfil everything she say.. pick her daily from home to office--office to home.. lunch and dineouts daily, yes daily for last 6 months.. shoppings.. taking care of her everyday needs etc.. still she asks for too much.. like more expensive gifts and do more-- do more like things.. compare me with her ex's etc

I felt like I met my love of life.. so I spend like crazy on this girl.. I started living for this girl.wakeup on her command and sleeps on her command.. do my everyday task on her command.. ignored my job and work.. ignored my family.. I ignored even living.. I sware I did..

I become so possesive for her that I just want to spend every second of my life with her as I never get enough of her.. she had a friends circle ( including two guys (one who is marriad) who do flirt to her which I found out many times in her inbox.. I ask her to leave those friends which she dis-agreed.and said to me that I doubt on her.. everytime she fights with me.. she go out with her friends circle.. which I hate.. many times I found her cell busy at nights.. when I ask who you talking to.. she say I doubt and I am sick minded and negative sort of person

Last week she said she have to go to her friends gathering at night.. including that marriad guy who do flirt with her all the times.I said no I don't like them so don't go.. instead make some new good friends and hang out with them.. these so called friends just use you as a show peace and nothing else... she went to see them by telling me that they are more important than me... than she is also flirting with a guy in her university as well.. which I just get to know ( although I talked to the guy and he told me that she appriciated his advancement)..

Meanwhile she looks for other proposals as well all the times and I feel like I am just a last option for her.. she says that she can do anything when she is angry.. that is her justification.. she calls me a lier.. she disrespects me and my family very much.. she don't give a fu*k about me or my feelings.. no matter what I do for her.. she always say me what you did.. even though its me who calls all the time.. its me who pays all the time.. its me who cares all the times.. etc etc..

I know I may be sound very stupid that why the hell I'm sticking with her and I should move on in my life... she always say me that move on and leave me.. she don't give a damn.. the problem is I feel myself very helpless in front of her.. I am just unable to let her go.. I m so deeply involve that if she talk to other guys I feel like dying..

I need a way out.. if she don't love me and just taking me as granted.. how can I get out of her.. I seriously don't want to loose her.. but now I have to make a choice..
A i have to make her realize that she needs to love me if i love her
B i need to move on and tell her dat FU*K off..

in either case.. i need to know HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT...

B-tell her it's over-you've had enough.

Then heal from this toxic mess and rebuild your life.

You poor lovesick fool!! You know what to do just do it! Just because you are a fool, doesn't mean you have to stay that way.

Move on I was in a on-side relationship always doing and giving and never getting what I put into the relationship back in return. But people who can't do anything for my ex, she would go all out for them.

Buddy, what can I say?

You know yourself you need to stand-up and tell her where to go. Never mind this make her love you stuff, make her go away!

Also, this 'love' you feel cannot be real. It is like an inmate professing his absolute love for a prison guard or warden, very rare. I think you have just accepted this situation, its grown, you can't handle it. However, c'mon, if you can't stand up to her, you are a coward (I mean that in a nice but firm way, like the cowardly lion:)).

Nobody here can do it for you. Best of luck.

I say take the "B" option. Nobody needs or wants a partner that's that self absorbed. And if you think its bad now... it would only get worse. Count your blessings you found out now, before it was too late.

Besides... who is to say she still wouldn't be doing it AFTER you got married. I'm willing to bet good money she would still do exactly that.

I've met women like her before. High Maintenance drama queens. Let some other sucker put up with them. There are plenty of other women that are NOT like that to pick from, and ANY of them would be a better choice to spend your life with than her.. find one that wants you... and not your stuff.

Do this at her command, do that at her command... what is wrong with you? Are you trying to be her boyfriend/partner, or are you trying to be her enslaved dog. She treats you without any respect because you don't respect yourself. It is one thing to be helpful to your female and to treat her with a respectful and chivalrous manner, but to rub her feet everyday, hell no! She is obviously using your for your money, JUST IN CASE you have not noticed yet, but she has no feelings for you. A girl that does would be understanding of your money situations, and then comparing you to ex's to hell with them, if they were so great then why isn't she with them? Leave this girl and find someone that has the minimum level of appreciation for you.

Good Luck,
Javi

A I have to make her realize that she needs to love me if I love her...
Don't bother doing this, it will go in one ear and out the other.

B I need to move on and tell her that FU*K off...
YES, but use a more dignified way of telling her the relationship is over..

In either case.. I need to know HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT...
Read your post as many times as it will take for you to realsise this girl is soooo not good for you. Then do option B.

Good Luck

Why do YOU have to have a dignified way to tell her anything anyway?

YOU just walk away... don't tell her a reason... I bet she isn't going to spend much time wondering why you walked away.

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Originally Posted by amicon

B-tell her it's over-you've had enough.

Then heal from this toxic mess and rebuild your life.

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:)

Thank you all.. thanks very much.. I really appriciated.. I guess now is the time when I should do the option B and let this girl leave to what she wants..
What you do will come back and haunt you as well.. so she will get what she deserve.. I can't hurt her.. I love her so much.. but someone will surely do one day...

No hard feelings.. I guess its better to be dead in one shot.. rather then die daily...

Now the only problem I left with is... I have to see her daily as she works in my office.. second than she knows how I feel when she go out with other guys.. so she uses this than.. going on lunch and dinners with other guys in front of me... just to blackmail me as she knows it has dramatical effect on me..

How do I get out of this situation I don't know.. I feel very helpless in this..

Any suggestions?

Simple... you live your own life... and let her live hers (apparently she's already been doing this).

It takes time to "let go" to where you no longer care. But as Confucius said... " a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

Be polite but remote if you have to speak to her-then act as if you haven't got a care in the world.

Fake it till you make it.

It no longer matter what she does, all that matters is what you do, so ignore her, and do not share your jealousy with her, or even let her know her actions bother you. Put on the good face and carry on with your own business, and stay professional.

As Amicon said, fake it, until you make it. These are your feelings to learn to cope with.

OK here is a situation update..

She asked me to buy a laptop and camera on Friday.. which I refused that I can't do it for now... than she fights with me and broke up.. I call her family and explains the situation which they also agreed with me that she is doing compeltely wrong.. today she calls me and asked me to meet her and than she tells me that the guy she was flirting with in university attempt a rape on her..

I was shocked.. I so wanted to hurt the guy who try this.. but than I remember how she insult me in front of him.. how she make me look like **** in front of him.. how she slaps me in front of her family.. I did not forget anything she did or said.. I am in so much pain.. but I don't feel the love for her I use to feel...

I am very much hurt.. infact feels broken deep inside.. in so many peaces...

I want to protect her but how can I protect the one who wants to hurt herself?

Doesn't change anything. She is who she is... and that's NOT a good partner for you.

She made her bed... let her sleep in it.

Do you want to be a fool and end up in prison for a woman that obviously doesn't care for you? Do something stupid... YOU go to prison... and she still goes after that same guy. Think she is making a fool out of you now? Wait until she does that.

Let HER call the police. Let HER deal with that other jerk.
Its not your problem. She's NOT your wife, or sister.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Doesn't change anything. She is who she is....and that's NOT a good partner for you.

She made her bed...let her sleep in it.

Do you want to be a fool and end up in prison for a woman that obviously doesn't care for you?

Let HER call the police. Let HER deal with that other jerk.
Its not your problem. She's NOT your wife, or sister.

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She can't do anything.. niether she can tell the police.. niether she can tell her family.. here in pakistan.. things work differently than the other parts of the world.. she is just want to be outstanding freak.. who think of herself something... actually she is nothing.. she said it was her mistake too.. she was wearing a inviting dress which was all wet in rain.. and they were in car.. so when he tried it.. she walked out and now she understand what I was doing is to protect her.. not to control her...
I isn't going to prison for this girl.. no way..

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Originally Posted by kasak1

she can't do anything..niether she can tell the police..niether she can tell her family..here in pakistan..things work differently than the other parts of the world..she is just wanna be outstanding freak..who think of herself something...actually she is nothing..she said it was her mistake too..she was wearing a inviting dress which was all wet in rain..and they were in car..so when he tried it..she walked out and now she understand what i was doing is to protect her..not to control her...
i aint going to prison for this girl..no way..

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I tell you one thing... Prison in Pakistan is NOT anywhere near as nice as a prison here is. And they aren't nice here. Let that guy dream up a story to tell the police about you because he feels she is his (being a westerner... I feel she should WANT to be with you as opposed to anyone else, because she is not anyone's property)... and you are in even bigger trouble.

Like I said... she created the problem. Let her deal with it. People don't change. Its her personality. Any change is temporary. Everyone goes back to being the person they are naturally.

I am almost 50, I've observed a lot of people over a lot of years. And that is true for everyone who literally were never almost dead in a hospital. Do you really want a wife that is going to be doing this her whole life? I think not.

She is going to soon forget about this and go right back to doing it again.

I recommend you stop wasting time on this one... and find a nicer girl that doesn't make all the wrong choices. Women like that have been getting guys in trouble all over the world since the dawn of time. And most of us have had the misfortune of meeting at least one in our lives.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I tell you one thing....Prison in Pakistan is NOT anywhere near as nice as a prison here is. And they aren't nice here. Let that guy dream up a story to tell the police about you because he feels she is his (being a westerner...I feel she should WANT to be with you as opposed to anyone else, because she is not anyone's property)...and you are in even bigger trouble.

Like I said....she created the problem. Let her deal with it. People don't change. Its her personality. Any change is temporary. Everyone goes back to being the person they are naturally.

I am almost 50, I've observed a lot of people over a lot of years. And that is true for everyone who literally were never almost dead in a hospital. Do you really want a wife that is going to be doing this her whole life? I think not.

She is going to soon forget about this and go right back to doing it again.

I recommend you stop wasting time on this one...and find a nicer girl that doesn't make all the wrong choices. Women like that have been getting guys in trouble all over the world since the dawn of time. And most of us have had the misfortune of meeting at least one in our lives.

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Thanks smoothy... everything you say does make a lot of sense.. its finally time for me to move on once and for all..
I'm trying to kill the deep rooted feelings for her..

This girl is poison. You know she is, just read your post. I have enemies that treat me better then this girl treats you.

Just walk away. If she calls, don't answer. If she wants to talk, walk away. Go to no contact, ignore her and move on.

You deserve better then this girl. She's a user. She'll never change. She doesn't care about you, or anyone else. She only cares about herself and what she wants.

She's not longer your concern. Find the strength to walk away. You may be upset for a while, but once you're out from under her thumb, you'll feel so much better. Trust me on this. :)