Getting him back (background included) Long read.
I met a man in January. He was lovely. We began hanging out and spending time together doing fun things, like bowling, watching movies, and just talking about life.
At the time he had just gotten away from a girl who used him, made him the side guy, and basically screwed him over to the point of no return. She even went as far as to frame him for breaking and entering. (Which he did not get convicted for doing, because it was a false accusation). He got a restraining order against her. I gave him space after the ordeal for about a month until he asked me to start seeing him again. We were not an official "couple" until March of this year, although everything we did up to that point was a relationship by definition.
There were times where I would go to take his hand and he would push mine away, or go in for a hug (after having little physical contact aside from the occasional accidental bump here and there) and he would tell me to stop crowding him. This went on for quite some time. So, I stopped initiating the contact. I found that when I paid him no attention, he went for my own. In his last "relationship" the girl admitted to using him for sex, and not caring for him. She told him that she loved her boyfriend. He had to try so hard to get affection from her. I am the type that is very affectionate to those I care about. This includes friends, and family as well as boyfriends. So, I did not understand how my boyfriend did not want to be wanted or kissed, or whatever. I did not constantly hound him for affection, but when I did try to initiate it, I would see no results, or he would point out that I was being clingy.
One night he sent me a text asking for space. (This was after many times of him complaining while we were out that I didn't have a filter to what I will discuss. Which is actually partially true.) He said, "I need a break". I lost it. After all the things I was changing for him, My hair (which was to my lower back ad brown) cut to my shoulders and bleached because he told me he didn't like my hair and that it was morbid and asked me to cut and color it, My clothes ( I recently lost 45 pounds so I have had to wear my old high school clothes which are mostly artsy and interesting. Not your average american eagle clothing) and what I like to talk about. I changed many things for him. Yet, it wasn't enough from what I can gather. I would change one thing and he would find another. I had not felt insecure with him until this point.
I used to feel pretty. I was happy with myself, and that is why I did not get jealous. After all the changes I no longer felt stable with him, so my jealousy tended to show a bit. Now among these things there were many nice things. He is the only person that I have met that can talk to me about just about anything, and relate to me. He is as abstract as I am, and listens when I talk about my theories and views of the world, as well as shares his own.
After the "break" I thought we were broken up. I ended up calling my ex who recently became my friend again(and nothing more). When he told me that we weren't "broken up" that we were just getting space I felt so guilty and terrible. I would have done anything to make it up to him. So we began hanging out again. I paid little attention to him, and did not ask for affection, I did not get jealous, I wasn't really anything at all. HE WAS ALL OVER ME. We spent that week together. He got to the point where he began asking me why I wasn't giving him attention. Then at the end of the week he said to me, "I know I told you that I didn't think I could have feelings for you, but I am falling in love with you. Believe me. I promise to be true and committed to you from this day forward." I melted.
The next night we went to a concert and my friend and I got into a fight. She tore me down and told me I was a worthless friend (she had been dealing with a lot and had taken it out on me) which in turn put me in a bad mood. He hadn't been high in a week, when his friend offered him pot. He smoked. When I went to him to tell him I was down about my friend he said, "Damn it, you are ruining my high." So, I was quiet the rest of the night. In my driveway he pointed out that I was being a "butthole" and I said it was because of what he said. We got into an argument and I didn't want it to end badly. So, I tried to get him to kiss me goodnight but he screamed at me to get out of his car. Against my better judgement I sat there hoping I could fix the night. It didn't work. It made him more angry. In my current state of mind I told him that his confession was bull****. I Didn't MEAN IT. (I still cannot forgive myself for saying that) He was so hurt by it. So he ignored me the entire next day.
Then he came over (high) and told me he wanted to make good memories to cover the bad ones. We had a nice night. The next day he texted me first a philosophical thought. I responded. Later we went to his friend's house to play a game. I thought the night went well, except he wasn't paying any attention to me, no hug no greeting, not a thing. So, his ex texted him. My eyes narrowed. He said, "Stop getting jealous." I hadn't even said a word. So, I shrugged it off. I asked him to sit in the back with me on the way home. I took his hand and he held it. Then we went to get his car and he took me home. We didn't say much to each other the whole night. I kissed him and hugged him goodnight and went into my house.
Then I got a text at 2:30 in the morning about how I didn't trust him and he "Didn't appreciate my interjections and contradictory remarks while he was talking to his friends...etc." I honestly had NO idea what he was talking about because I said all of two words to his friend the entire night. So, I told him he was mistaken. Then he said, "We're done." Well I couldn't just accept that. Not after him saying he fell in love with me, not after I knew I had not done what he had accused me of doing. He put me on his call reject list. Like an idiot I texted him begging him not to leave me. I knew it was the opposite of what I needed to do. I was emotional, on my cycle and not thinking clearly. He ignored me the entire day.
This is day number 2. I Sent him one text saying, "Good morning. Today would be two months. I hope you have a wonderful day today and that happiness finds you." I have not sent him anything else.
What do I do from here? I really enjoy him as a person, and that week of bliss proved to me how wonderful we can be. I would love to be in a relationship with him.
Is there anything I can do, not do or whatever to get him back... and soon?
( I have this posted in 2 categories. I wasn't sure which category was most appropriate)
