So I dated my ex for a few months (not very long) and we really hit it off. We had a really deep connection really fast and I lot of sparks flew. I met her family and we had plans to do many things together (vacations, staying over at my place all the time, etc). Then one day out of no where she ended it saying she was in a bad relationship before (she told me about it many times before and said it was very traumatic) and she felt we were too committed. She was just starting school and wanted to have fun (probably date other guys honestly).

After that I basically cut all ties. She tried to contact me like crazy after about a month and we actually hung out once, but I wanted to be in a relationship with her and I couldn't stand the thought of being friends with her so we just stopped talking. After a few months I texted her but she basically blew me off and I got a lame response. After that I deleted her fb and number and did my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about her. Sometimes I really feel like I wish I had never met her and I never want to be in another relationship because it seems so painful.

It's been about a year now and I still miss her, and think about her every day and many times cry over her. When we would bump into each other it was pretty awkward but she was at least friendly. She seemed pretty nervous and it almost seemed like she still had feelings by the way she talked and interacted with me.. But nothing big.

Should I try to contact her? I have never been as happy when I wasn't with her. I actually got very sad when she left and even saw a counselor many times. I'm 21 by the way and she was my first girlfriend. It's been a long time so maybe she is over that guy now. I've tried really hard to date other women but nothing has worked out, I really do wonder if I will hit it off with any one like her again.

Please let me know, thanks for the response.

I wouldn't put my heart on the line again, but that's just me. She knows how to contact you (I presume). I'd go on with my life. If she contacts you, well, then there's a decision to be made.

She's the one who broke it off so I think she's the one to start "it" up again - if that's her choice.

Buddy, it's called BAD TIMING.

Yes, you two may have hit it off, BUT, she's not ready yet.

Speaking from experience, I too was in a short relationship with a man, where, I couldn't let go of my past traumatic relationship.

I wasn't ready to move on from that. I may have lost someone/something special, but it wasn't fair to him. I had to do what I had to do... which was to end it.

I don't contact him, and neither does he, but I wish him well, and will cherrish what we did have in such a short period.

Good moments come and go. You were having a good moment, and now it's gone...

Don't contact her. Let it go...

She knows where you're at. If it is meant to be, it will be..

Make sense?

Seeing that you are still carrying such a strong torch, you need to leave this alone.
Get your head and heart straight. It's been a year and you only dated a few months.
She has obviously moved on and so should you.

Your feelings are way to deep still to be contacting her. If she wanted to see or hear from you then she would have by now. If she had anything deep down I think when you deleted her on Facebook she may have questioned that to start. Its been a long time. She is friendly with you when you cross paths more then likely to be polite. She is not banging your door down. She was your first. The first is a hard one to get over and you will never ever forget her. But you will move on when you realize its just a waste of time sitting and pining over her.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Buddy, it's called BAD TIMING.

Yes, you two may have hit it off, BUT, she's not ready yet.

Speaking from experience, I too was in a short relationship with a man, where, I couldn't let go of my past traumatic relationship.

I wasn't ready to move on from that. I may have lost someone/something special, but it wasn't fair to him. I had to do what I had to do...which was to end it.

I don't contact him, and neither does he, but I wish him well, and will cherrish what we did have in such a short period of time.

Good moments come and go. You were having a good moment, and now it's gone....

Don't contact her. Let it go....

She knows where you're at. If it is meant to be, it will be..

Make sense?

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Really? You never tried to talk to him again once you were over that guy? Were you over him when you dumped him?

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Originally Posted by eddy10188

Really? You never tried to talk to him again once you were over that guy? Were you over him when you dumped him?

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No, I never spoke to him, because I wasn't over the break up from the other person. It's not that I wasn't over the man himself, it was how and what he did to me that ended it, that I wasn't over.

I'm still guared. Very much so. I'm not meant to be in a relationship at this point in time, at least, not until I know I am 100% ready. When will that be? Who knows. I only know that I don't want to bring someone in the middle of that when it's not fair.

This lady that you speak of, seemed as if she has issues that she needs to deal with. I'm not saying, she, herself, has issues, she has some hurt from what happened in her past, and se needs time.

You can't force someone to be in a relationship... is their not ready to be.

It's most often not a good idea to revisit the past-so no,don't.

Focus on your own life,building a future that makes you happy,doing the things you enjoy doing-for your own sake-nobody else's.

It's not always easy to recover from a breakup. It's understandable that you would want to contact her. But let's think for a minute what the consequences are:

1) You responds and actually wants to be friends. How likley is this really?

2) She gives you a poor response and it only hurts you more because it reminds you of the pain that you're suffering.

3) She ignores your attempt and you feel bad that again, most likely resetting some of the progress that you've made.

There are probably other possibilities, but the it's clear that it's going to be high risk and low reward. If you can stomach more pain, then go for it. But if you want to heal from this break up, then it's better to let things go and move on.

I think the other source of your pain is that you don't feel like you had proper closure to the break up. Maybe one day you will have that closure, but until that day happens, it's best to leave it alone and find happiness elsewhere in your life, such as continue meeting new people.

Though you think that you never found that spark again with any other women, I would counter that in saying that you haven't met enough people, so you have a small sample size to base that on. Secondly, another reason why you might not have met another special someone is because you don't allow yourself to.

Keep your mind open to new possibilities instead of holding on to past pains.

The first one will always be in your heart, and frankly they all will be, but that doesn't mean going back and seeing what they feel about you. Look forward, not back, because when you are ready, you will find the second g/f of your life, and if that one doesn't work, there will be others until, you find one that does work, for you both.

Until then you should enjoy exploring.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The first one will always be in your heart, and frankly they all will be, but that doesn't mean going back and seeing what they feel about you. look forward, not back, because when you are ready, you will find the second g/f of your life, and if that one doesn't work, there will be others until, you find one that does work, for you both.

Until then you should enjoy exploring.

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I certainly hope you aren't serious about the "always in your heart" part and I stop having feelings for her soon lol

It looks the unanimous vote is to not contact her, it really sucks but I guess I got to do what I got to do. I am glad I didn't try to contact after she dumped me even though she did contact me. And you are also right that I have a small pool to chose from, I have tried really hard to start another relationship this year but I have gotten shot down left and right. It has been pretty brutal for sure.. But thank you all for the input

Unfortunately life is brutal - but a word of hope! That special someone has a tendency to sneak up on you when you aren't looking, aren't trying.

Fingers crossed!

One question is why are you getting shot down? Or why do you think you are getting shot down? Guess that's two questions.

I ask because I have a feeling every female that crosses your path you are still comparing to her in one way or another. Which could maybe send mixed signals. You might think your open to a relationship with these new girls but inside you may be sending cold signals and turning them off somehow.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

One question is why are you getting shot down? Or why do you think you are getting shot down? Guess thats two questions.

I ask because I have a feeling every female that crosses your path you are still comparing to her in one way or another. Which could maybe send mixed signals. You might think your open to a relationship with these new girls but inside you may be be sending cold signals and turning them off somehow.

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It's definitely true that when I go on a date I always compare the compatibility to my ex, but I'm not sure if I do that to a huge extent. I might have to think about that... I might have exaggerated a bit though it hasn't been too terrible getting dates but getting a relationship going seems to be tough and that is frustrating. I'm just going to focus now on dating more and meeting some one else.

It's sometimes easier said than done, but you might want to try to give the new person a clean slate, instead of asking her to fill your ex's shoes.

Be fair to the new person. Be fair to yourself.

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Originally Posted by eddy10188

I certainly hope you aren't serious about the "always in your heart" part and I stop having feelings for her soon LOL

It looks the unanimous vote is to not contact her, it really sucks but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. I am glad I didn't try to contact after she dumped me even though she did contact me. And you are also right that I have a small pool to chose from, I have tried really hard to start another relationship this year but I have gotten shot down left and right. It has been pretty brutal for sure.. But thank you all for the input

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Talaniman Rule - When you stop looking for love, and romance, and build a life that you enjoy for yourself, with friends and activities that make you happy, you will attract those that want to share that happiness with you.

The key is to be happy yourself, with yourself, by yourself.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall!18 - 80. Blind cripple, or crazy.

Not for a girlfriend interview, but as friends having fun, getting to know each other. Fun people are always compatible, at least for a time.

And you may as well have fun while you explore yourself and your life until someone special comes along, then you explore her.