I dated a girl for 4 months in 2008, but she ended our relationship abruptly saying she didn't think we were compatible. I was upset of course, but stuck to no contact for the 8 months that followed. I then got up the nerve to contact her after my Mom ran into her at the grocery store. We had a nice conversation, and talked about meeting up over ice cream or something to catch up. I started dating another (new) girl shortly after that conversation and never did meet up with my 4-month ex, despite talking to her once or twice more briefly on the phone and bumping into her a few times in the two years since.

Fast forward to this year - I'd been in a serious relationship with the new girl for a good year and a half, but she ended things in January. It's been a few months of no contact with this "new" girl, and I'm doing far better than I ever have after a break up (esp considering we were together for so long), but I have no intentions of contacting her anytime soon since we didn't part as amicably.

Anyway, I've been thinking about my 4-month ex a bit. I was unhappy about our breakup at the time but I don't harbor any bad feelings towards her now and don't have strong urges to get back with her. I can look back and be happy about the short time we were together. All of our exchanges since the breakup have been pleasant, and now I'm thinking about contacting her, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just curious about her? I don't have a whole lot of friends in the area and it would be great if we could be friends, even just casual friends. But I'm sort of afraid that I will still be attracted to her, and that I won't know how to handle it if any old feelings get stirred up.

What do you all think? Ever met up with an ex years later after you've both moved on? How'd it go? Anything come about from it? (friendship, reconciliation, fighting, whatever)

An ex is an ex and should remain in your memory as a learning experience and should only be looked at for reference. I would suggest to leave her alone, there is no need to talk to her an you don't seem to have any issues meeting new people. Just let her live her life and you live yours.

Good luck,
Javi

Well... I guess you could contact her and find out if she is open to pursuing something with you again, but normally, when you break up with someone you have a reason. What happened the first time you broke up? She just thought you weren't compatible?

Maybe the time between then and now has made you more compatible. As long as you approach this with the knowledge that she may not be interested, may be in a relationship, or may just not want to see you. That is all her choice.

If you go in to this with the commitment that you will not push her (to break a current relationship, to get back together with you, etc), then why not?

I don't see that it was a bad break up, just a break up of convenience... from what you've said, at least.

Let us know what you decide to do and how it turns out!

I'd leave it-she broke up with you and you have since been through another break up.

People break up for a reason and exes are best left in the past.

Are you sure you're over the most recent ex?

If you are,look to date and get to know new girls.

I don't think there's any harm in trying to contact her to try to reconnect. If you were meant to be friends, someone needs to initiative and it would have to flow naturally.

The problem arises if she doesn't want to reconnect, even just as friends with you and you forcefully try to push the idea onto her. That's when you have to realize that you're better off just backing away and leaving her alone.

I would say, if you go for it, tread carefully because this would be no ordinary friendship. Remember, she has to want to be your friend too, otherwise, don't force her into it.

I'm friends with two ex's on Facebook. They live quite a ways away so there is no danger of actually running into them. Plus my wife is my FB friend as well and can see all posts. No harm no foul. It really all depends if deep down you have ulterior motives.

I wouldn't push anything if she wasn't interested in meeting up. I think I'd be fine with it. I did forget to mention that after our ice cream meet up didn't happen two years ago (I think she was out of town when I called), she did call a week or two later to ask if I wanted to meet her for lunch while she was in the city that day, but I was slammed at work and couldn't answer my phone until much later. So she might be up for it, won't know until I ask right?

I'm not leaning towards trying to reignite things between us. Like you guys said, the break up happened for a reason. Also being relatively fresh out of a breakup myself, I don't want to get involved with someone else right now, esp an easy fall back like an ex. But, the other angle I'm taking for this, is that this could be a chance to get over a fear I've had: that of running into an ex (not particularly this one, but in general). It could be good to see her again, kind of coming full circle with break up recovery.

I decided to take a step back and figure out what triggered me wanting to contact her, and not contact her for the time being. I don't think it would be a bad experience if I did contact her, but I don't want to do it if I'm not moving forward in some way (or learn something from it).

By the way, I remembered a great quote I heard by Mancow on his radio show years ago that really touched me: "There's a reason why the rear view mirror is small..."

I think you made a wise decision.

Love the quote1

Wise decision, looking back distracts you from looking forward.

If its meant to be, you don't have to force it, it just happens.

It's tempting to go back, what if I go back and reconciliate and it works out. What if people change for the better. I am almost in same situation, my ex wrote me an email last week and wanted to catch up. So we spoke on Friday and it was OK, said have a nice week end and talk soon... What will happen next only destiny knows.
If we are meant to be, it will happen.

You said you have a girlfriend, so focus on her.