My boyfriend rarely wants sex but recently paid for a lap dance !
Hi;
Hope you can offer some help, we are a mature couple in our early forties,( I'm not quite there yet) and have been together for 2 years. At first the sex was great and we couldn't get enough of each other. Now I feel that I'm in a relationship with my brother, although he loves me, holds my hand, kisses and hugs me etc, the bedroom is off limits, we only make love on average once a month now. He is very stressed with work, money and health problems at the moment, all heightened by the fact that he is a very overdramatic person and makes all problems ten times worse for himself, he is now convinced that he is not going to live very long , not surprisingly if he carries on like this ! He gets quite nasty and angry at times so I just deal with it and try to keep things on an even keel. This weekend all things came to a head when he got very drunk and we ended up at a gentlemen's club, I find them quite fascinating and women were allowed in so I thought why not. At first we were having a nice time watching the pole dancing and then he asked me if I wanted a private dance, I declined the offer and then he got up , picked a young blonde and went with her to one of the rooms ! I was quite upset but I didn't let it show , not really about the dance, by the fact that he hasn't touched me for a month but then paid a girl young enough to be his daughter to girate naked on his lap for 5 minutes ! The next day I couldn't really hide my feelings and he forced me to tell him why I was so down, I didn't want to because I knew it would do no good but I caved in , he said he couldn't remember the dance and made some unfunny quip about him liking young blondes to which I replied that I couldn't compete with that and I wouldn't want to either,( I am actually slim , dark haired ,people say very attractive and 6 yrs younger than him, obviously not enough going for me there then !) He then went into ' dramatic mode'and said he was going home and he hasn't been in touch for the whole of today,and probably now for the rest of the week, which he does every few months when we have a relationship talk, usually about his nasty attitude or the lack of sex.
Now I'm not sure whether I want to rekindle things, I feel the sex thing will always be an issue and if he's not willing try or even talk about things , what's the point? Also I don't really feel I can trust him anymore, we love each other but it seems like it's all just too difficult.
Any advice please ?
Comment on shelly21's post
Shelly perhaps he is really embarrassed about it or else he just has no interest in sex with you. I'm sure the latter is a hard pill to swallow or hard to think about. On the other hand, it has been scientifically proven that a woman's sex drive increases with age while a man's decreases. But then again, I think it also depends on the person. Either way, I would figure out what you want out of a relationship (don't take this the wrong way but you are at an age where your experiences deem you worthy of the best relationship you can have) and if your boyfriend doesn't fit your criteria, give him the boot. And yes I said criteria. I don't know about you but people are deceived/blinded a lot when it comes to relationships so it's only fair to lay out what you want out of a relationship and the kind of qualities you want in a person. Pull a Santa; make a list and check it twice. You know the rest. :)