Hi there,
I and my husband have been married for about 3 1/2 years. I used to have a boyfriend. He still loves me and wants me to comeback. I'm an Indian. Now you can imagine how difficult it is to leave husband. My boyfriend is not from my caste. So I knew my parents won't allow inter-cast marriage. So I left my boyfriend and married my husband.

My husband is a great great human being, a great husband. I don't have any kind of problem because of him. But my boyfriend had to face many problems because I left him. I feel very sorry for him. He desperately wants me to go back to him and get married with him. His plan is to run away from both of our families and live somewhere else.

But this act will ruin both our family's reputation and most importantly break my husband's heart. So I've decided to tell my boyfriend that I can not come and live with my husband.
What do you think? Please *** *** reply me soon... waiting for your suggestions...

I am in the US and don't understand the caste system but it would appear you cannot run off and marry your boyfriend without divorcing your husband.

I have no idea how important family is to you - it would appear that your family will not accept your boyfriend and possibly won't forgive you if you marry him. Can you live with that?

As far as your husband I think it is cowardly to just run away. You have to tell him if you plan to leave.

Only you know what's in your heart, what you can live with.

I am an Indian also, so let me tell you something, I think you may have gotten very confused by indian movies... Right now at your age, this boyfriend of yours may feel like Hrithik and you are Aish. Real life is not a movie girl! Once the honeymoon is over with your boyfriend, the real life will threaten you and you may start to wonder if this boyfriend is worth all the risk.. When your love for your boyfriend did not have enough strength to put up the inter-caste marriage fight with your parents, it won't survive the infidelity-fight against a much larger crowd. This is going to be very hard... you can't face anybody from this life in your life with boyfriend, but you will be forced to during the divorce process, that is if you want a legal life and raise good kids. Human mind is capable of loving many people, it is OK to still like your boyfriend in your mind, but you can love your husband too. You are feeding your attraction for your boyfriend by talking (or meeting) with him.. stop feeding it and it will slowly die. Life is not always about you and yourself!! Poor husband and family, please don't hurt them.

First of all, I think there is a lack of faith and commitment in this relationship. My question, what made you get married to this poor fellow in the first place? Honestly, I do not think your love for your boyfriend is strong enough either to leave your husband. If it had been strong, you would have waited for your boyfriend or fight for him instead of getting married this poor man.


I totally understand the fact, yes I said "fact", that you cannot replace your boyfriend by your husband. That is not possible. But why that would force you to be disloyal to your husband? Loyalty and Love are two different aspects in a relationship. I can be Loyal to my wife, that is my responsibility and my wife's right. Whom I love or how many people I fancy, that is my decision. You see the difference? You can love whomever you want. But leaving a person for another person is worse than murder. However, if your husband leaves you, that is a different issue.



I have couple of suggestions: stop contacting your boyfriend ( trust me, if your love is true you will love him without Facebook,twitter, picture of him for the rest of your life. So don't panic ). Give this relationship sometime. If it really sucks, it will break automatically. You just need to sit and watch.
Try to find the good qualities in your husband and think how lucky you are to get a person as such in your life.

If still it does not help, be frank and talk to this poor person. He can give you a good solution.

Thank you so much for you suggestion... I have stopped all kinds of contact with my boyfriend. And will stay forever with my husband. Though all these things were happening, I did my best to be a very good wife. Few days back, I got a compliment from my husband that I'm a very very good wife. And my sis-in-law also said that he(my husband) couldn't have had better wife.
Only one problem I had. And you helped me to get out of this.
I've no words to express how thankful I am to you :)

Please stay around and help other people who have problems. I'm sure you can help them.