Two months ago, after me asking him to leave for a few months before that, my BF finally left. Two weeks ago he asked if we could try again. I let him stay at my house while I went out of town for the weekend for a preplanned family event. He said he had realized the error of his ways and he vowed to treat me better and said he wanted to be a "better man" for me.

I left Friday, he slept at my house and texted me goodnight. I talked with on Saturday afternoon and he was at the bar having lunch with the boys but said, "I'll be going home. I told you I've turned over a new leaf and am going to be responsible. Love you honey." He never went home and didn't call or text, he didn't answer my text in the morning, and he didn't answer my phone call either as I was headed back on my 8-hour trip. I felt like he was, again, treating me bad and unfortunately reacted and left him a very NOT nice message and never heard from him. My friend dropped his personal items off at his friend's house. I still have some of his stuff.

A friend of his had seen me out eating dinner with someone (they didn't know who it was but it was my ex. We are friends and have 3 children together and he was in town). Last night he texted me "Tell Santa Claus I said hello." He doesn't know who I was out with but I felt like he was teasing me about how my supposed "date" looked.. Now my friend today asked me if I want to hear things about him when she hears them. I said no, but now I'm weak and crying and I was doing so good.

He has told me many times he won't be alone, not for long anyway. I knew he was out partying and looking for someone else, either for sex or relationship or whatever. Now that she asked me that I know he really is actually doing it I feel like I've taken a giant step backwards. He's toxic, he drinks too much, he doesn't try, he didn't make me feel like I was important even when I asked for this or that in his efforts, he just didn't try. I wanted him to fight for me to show me he really wanted this, and it seems like he just let me go so easily.

Is it my own insecurities that are allowing me to feel this way. I believed him. He seemed so sincere. But he let it go so quickly. What steps do I take to move on myself. I'm not ready to really date. I tried one and it was weird. BTW, in typing this it sounds like we are young but I'm 51 and he's 44.

Please give me some encouragement.

As Talaniman would say, don't make someone a priority in your life, that makes you an option in theirs. That line says it all, and has probably been referred to many times on this site. He may say one thing to you, but his actions show he doesn't back up what he says. You deserve someone that wants to make an effort at showing you how much they care about you, and there is no reason for you to settle for anything less. Keep your head up, focus on yourself and your children, and stay out of contact with him. Brights days will come.

Lol, what Talaniman would say, marvelous.

You did the right thing, made the right decision.

You know he was no good for you, you know what he was like, instead of being sad give yourself a clap on the back for being brave enough not to put up with bad behaviour.

Start healing,continue no contact, getting busy in your life, do the things that make you happy.

Your only 51, there's plenty of living yet to do, plenty of love left to have, take time to adjust to this, find your centre of gravity and move on from there.

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Originally Posted by thadevilsadvocate

As Talaniman would say, don't make someone a priority in your life, that makes you an option in theirs. That line says it all, and has probably been referred to many times on this site. He may say one thing to you, but his actions show he doesn't back up what he says. You deserve someone that wants to make an effort at showing you how much they care about you, and there is no reason for you to settle for anything less. Keep your head up, focus on yourself and your children, and stay out of contact with him. Brights days will come.

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I would also say that this is a blessing in disguise because you have gotten rid of player guy, and can move on to better things in time.

Lol, I agree :)

I agree with the posts above, find a guy who isn't going to be playing with you. And don't date yet, enjoy your alone time. You must first be happy before trying to be happy with someone else. If you cannot be happy on your own then you cannot make your partner happy. Use this time to work on yourself.

Good Luck,
Javi