Ask Me Help Desk - Leaving my children alone over night

Leaving my children alone over night

What options do I have when my ex has left our children home alone overnight? I've asked him to contact me if he needs someone to care for them on his time but he doesn't. At the last incident they missed school because he didn't return until the following afternoon. They miss school frequently when with him & recently I received a letter from the district warning that my children were considered truant and threatening fines if they continued to miss school.

We generally get along but this is one thing we don't see eye to eye on. I live in the state of California.

I would try contacting the court that issued the custody agreement, and bring this to their attention. Take all the documentation you can.

How old are the children... the younger they are the more serious it would be viewed.

Of course there ARE other options as well... but any are going to likely get ugly.

I assume they are on the younger end... and not say... 17. Your ex should know younger children shouldn't be left alone without a babysitter for any amount of time. Its not as huge a deal if they are over 16 however (that part's my own opinion, not any law I know of). But even kids that old should not be left unsupervised long.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

How old are the children...the younger they are the more serious it would be viewed.

Not really as California doesn't have a minimum age limit. The children could be 6 years old and as far as the law is concerned they are OK with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Not really as California doesnt have a minumum age limit. The children could be 6 years old and as far as the law is concerned they are ok with it.

Ok... I do find that surprising however. We've had cases where CPS got involved when parents were found MIA around here that have made the news when something happened.

Comment on smoothy's post

They are older, 14 and 9. I know that just because I'm not comfortable with the arrangement doesn't mean he has to change the way he lives. I've gotten calls at midnight from my 9 year old who was afraid because dad said he was going out for ice cream and hadn't come back after 3 hours. I'm worried it happens a lot more often then I am aware but I don't have any proof.

How old are they??
You can call the police when it's happening, such as in the middle of the night, if say you talk to the kids on the phone and no adult is there.
However, we all have seen such stories on the news and it can really blow up all out of proportion, and cause people to end up in jail.
I would suggest a strong warning to the father, armed with a family court date to change custody arrangements, and allow zero tolerance until then. Do you have them, and are you following them? Do you want to take custody? If not, then a warning to call the cops might work.
Further quirks in the works occur when the kids realize that if they lie, they get to stay home alone. You will have to figure out a way to prove that an adult is there and REALLY there, not on call forward or a cell.

CA allows home alone at any age, califdadof3?
I'm sorry, I applied my state to CA.

We have 50/50 although my 14 yo lives primarily with me. I pay child support and things are generally amicable but things are starting to get out of hand when they are over there. I hear stories about sneaking out and other problems when there is a lack of parenting. I have no desire to change custody but feel helpless in protecting them when they are there.

Comment on joypulv's post

So sorry, just so I'm clear. A friend suggested I call CPS but that if I do decide in the future to take custody it could be viewed as a tactic, so if I call the police will CPS get involved?

Comment on smoothy's post

So does this mean I have no options? What about missing school?

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Not really as California doesnt have a minumum age limit. The children could be 6 years old and as far as the law is concerned they are ok with it.

Are you talking about CPS taking action or a judge modifying custody because of it? I find it difficult to imagine that a judge would never consider changing custody if it is proven that a custodial parent routinely leaves a 6-year-old alone all night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Are you talking about CPS taking action or a judge modifying custody because of it. I find it difficult to imagine that a judge would never consider changing custody if it is proven that a custodial parent routinely leaves a 6-year-old alone all night.

What you have to remember is that we have 2 things going on here.

1) The law as it stands. It doesn't say its illegal.

2) Poor parenting skills. I can't say what a judge may or may not do. Mostly it is going to depend on the party doing the deed. With the courts as bias as they are I wouldn't find it a surprise if they allowed a mom to get away with it and in a case with a dad to have the children removed.

So it can go either way. The problem here is that the child/children are missing school. Truency is a major problem and at some point someone will have to answer for it.

Here is a good article on the subject.

Ref:

Leaving Children Home Alone

For those that may be curious about your home State. You can look here to get an idea of age limits and recommendations.

Ref:

Latchkey Kids Legal Age Limits Listed By State

Rather interesting reading.

The law doesn't always make sense... but it is what it is

I think the people that wrote those laws either didn't have kids... or were so old they couldn't remember being a kid.

I was a rather good kid (compared to any others I knew)... but I know things I did at that age would scare the hell out of most parents (14-16). In fact I have tinnitus to this day as a result of one incident.

First, when posting a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page rather than the Comments.

At 14 and 9 the kids are old enough to stay overnight alone. Especially together. However the truancy is an issue. Where they truant because they had no way to get to school because the father wasn't there to take them or because he wasn't there to force them to go. The answer makes a difference.

It may not be illegal to leave them overnight, but truancy is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

... It may not be illegal to leave them overnight, but truancy is.

In many places, I suppose it still is. Where OP lives, evidently, because she wrote that "I recieved a letter from the district warning that my children were considered truant and threatening fines if they continued to miss school". This must have been a form letter, because I don't think the truancy officer can seriously believe that a parent can be fined for absences when the children are in the other parent's custody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

In many places, I suppose it still is. Where OP lives, evidently, because she wrote that "I recieved a letter from the district warning that my children were considered truant and threatening fines if they continued to miss school". This must have been a form letter, because I don't think the truancy officer can seriously believe that a parent can be fined for absences when the children are in the other parent's custody.

The letter was sent to the primary custodial parent. Which is what the school would have an address on record. The school may not have been aware the children were in the other parents care.