My boyfriend was sexually abusing my ten year old daughter while I was at work at night. He is in jail facing seventeen class a felony charges. He is fighting to the end to claim his innoncence I am scared to death to go to jury trial and put my angel on the stand in front of everyone, so she can tell her humiliating story. This is what I am told I have to do by the prosecution, I am scared for her and hate to see her have to go through all of this, but is she doesn't he has a chance of being acquitted is that fair

I'm glad you turned him in. I assume both you and your daughter are in counseling?

Yeah we are in counseling but it does not help the pain at all or the sick gut feeling I have every day every moment of my life his betrayel ruined my being and killed my soul

It is a terrible burden of guilt that you carry, and if this is left unresolved, you will bury yourself in it. Please seek counselling for yourself to learn how to manage the pain you are going through. Life has given you a terrible blow, but it does not reflect on you as a person, or as a mother.

Your daughter, at age 10, needs strong support in order to go through a trial over something so devastating. Please speak to a lawyer who will advise you on exactly what to expect, and what alternatives there may be to your daughter testifying in open court. She should be informed, and prepared in an age- appropriate way, what can be done to make this experience as quick and painless as possible.

I would also advise that her in counselling now is extremely important to her future development. She needs all the support she can get to reassure her that she is the victim here, and will be aided and taken care of every step of the way.

While no mother wants to see her child go through this, it is important to look to the future. To not conclude this situation with testimony, will only leave him unpunished for what he has done.

I wish you strength to make the decisions that lie ahead.

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Originally Posted by Sharonktalo

but is she doesnt he has a chance of being acquitted is that fair

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Hello Sharon:

Nahhh. It ain't fair. But, nobody promised you fair...

It would be nice if everybody could grow up in the midst of a loving family surrounded by toys, nice lawns and plenty of money... But, life isn't that way.. Your daughter had to grow up quick, and she has to STAY grown up for the trial. You need to be grown up too. If she see's you crumble, that bastard might get loose.

excon

Your child will not be on trial - she will be a witness. There will be an expectation of civility, particularly toward a child, and no judge in their right mind would permit opposing counsel to be nasty with a child witness.

Instead of treating her appearance as a dreaded necessary evil, treat it as an opportunity for her to be heard and empowered and for her to understand the judge and other adults hear her and believe her and are protecting her, and want to understand what happened.

Also make clear that she didn't do anything embarrassing - the criminal's actions were wrong and against the law and violent and embarrassing, but all anyone thinks of her is that she's a very special, sweet and strong girl - something bad happened to her but she did nothing wrong.

I think personally that it's important for kids to have their say and be heard - she can end this episode by speaking up for herself and being very successful at taking charge, and then seeing that as a result, this person has to be in jail and other girls will be protected from having the same bad thing happen to them. She can go from victim to hero with the right adult support, and I think that could be a very empowering thing.