Here is my situation:
My son will be 4 on May 31 his father went to prison for two years when I was about 4-5 pregnant with him and knew that I was pregnant. When he got out he tried to contact me by phone about two times to see my son. I said no and here is why: He has drug and alcohol problems and it out on a $10,000 bond in Mississippi so I am afraid he will run considering he has ran from the law on several occasions in the past and him being on the run from Mississippi kind of makes him a flight risk. I am afraid I won't see my son again if I let him see him.
He wasn't out of prison for a year (my son had just turned 2 1/2) and he went back to prison for 9 months for a felony poss. Of meth. I had not heard from him since he had gotten out of prison the year before. While he was in prison for the meth charge my mother received a letter addressed to me from the prison (this was a year ago last month) stating that I was illegally keeping my son from him (we were never married and never went to court for custody or visitation) and that I wasn't allowed to keep him from him because he would not pay child support (there wasn't even a child support order at that point). I then went and got the child support order because he got under my skin with that letter.
He has been out of prison almost a year now and has court this month for a probation violation for some driving charges (failure to reinstate and driving under suspension I believe). He has not tried to make contact with me or my son in over a year now and that is if you count the letter from prison as contact, and he has been incarcerated for a little over half of my sons life.

What I want to know is since I am in fear for my sons safety in his care what kind of options do I have in getting his rights revoked or not get visitation if and when he ever files for visitation.


I am seriosuly scared of him and what would happen to my son in his care. I am constantly looking over my shoulder and up about 4 times a night to check on my son to make sure he is still there and his biological father hasn't come. I may be paranoid but I am scared for my son. Any credible advice would be helpful.

First, the letter was partially correct. You have no right to refuse the father his rights as a father. The problem here is that unless he is designated the legal father he has no rights. Is he on the birth certificate? Did he ever sign an acknowledgement of paternity?

You say you now have a support order. That means he is now the legal father.

You stand a very good chance of restricting visitation to supervised visits. But I wouldn't count on more than that. You stand almost no chance of getting a TPR.

I would make sure that you were awarded full physical custody and legal custody for now. This will then require that he go to court to get visitation.

I know that in Ohio until a judge states otherwise I have full legal custody because we were never married. So what am I supposed to do let him see him and risk losing my son or him getting ahold of his fathers stash of drugs and overdosing on them?

He is on the birth certificate because when I applied for daycare assistance through the state they contact child support because he wasn't around which makes me mad because I never wanted them involved but had to cooperate to get help. So now against my will he is on the birth certificate.

How am I supposed to let an alcoholic meth user around my son? That isn't good parenting on behalf.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by melzarella

I know that in Ohio until a judge states otherwise I have full legal custody ...

So what am I supposed to do let him see him and risk losing my son or him gettin ahold of his fathers stash of drugs and overdosing on them?

He is on the birth certificate ... which makes me mad because I never wanted them involved ...

How am I supposed to let an alcholic meth user around my son? That isn't good parenting on behalf.

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Yes, you are in control until a court says otherwise.

No one is saying you just turn your son over to him. But you have to understand he does have rights.

Umm you "never wanted him involved"? You wonder about letting "an alcholic meth user" around your son. Then why did you have sex with him? I know you don't want to hear that part, but the courts WILL take that into consideration. You chose to have sex with this man. That decision involved him in your life and your son's life. You and your son now have to live with that decision.

With more and more changes to father's rights and easy, cheap DNA testing, the days of the mother being the sole parent are pretty much over. You need to learn all about your, his, and your child's rights to make future decisions, and not think in terms of what you had to do 'against your will.' No one held a gun to your head; you chose the actions you made without planning ahead.

Look online for all the Ohio family law you can find. If you can't sleep from worry, get a roommate or family member to live with you, or go stay with them a few nights a week. Arm yourself with as many documents as you can about his record.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by melzarella

I know that in Ohio until a judge states otherwise I have full legal custody because we were never married. So what am I supposed to do let him see him and risk losing my son or him gettin ahold of his fathers stash of drugs and overdosing on them?

He is on the birth certificate because when I applied for daycare assistance through the state they contact child support because he wasn't around which makes me mad because I never wanted them involved but had to cooperate to get help. So now against my will he is on the birth certificate.

How am I supposed to let an alcholic meth user around my son? That isn't good parenting on behalf.

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I'm not sure "good parenting" involved having sex with and getting pregnant by a alcoholic meth user.

Or was he upstanding citizen when you were having sex with him and then he turned into an alcoholic meth user?

We see this all the time. Before the child the man's a Prince; afterward he's some sort of deviant.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by melzarella

... So what am I supposed to do let him see him and risk losing my son or him gettin ahold of his fathers stash of drugs and overdosing on them?
...

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Weak argument.

There is always a risk that a child can get ahold of dangerous substances left around the house, be they illegal drugs, legally prescribed drugs, household chemicals, etc.

One would hope and expect that, if he has a stash of illegal drugs, he would be especially careful.

Correction to my last sentence: If you cannot surround yourself with people for safety and are truly afraid, and moving far enough away will make it inconvenient for him to visit, then do so before a court orders that you can't.
On the other hand, you haven't said anything about violence/abuse, or about anything that would make me think he might sneak into your house in the middle of the night (do you lock the door?). Non drug users can be abusive and drug users can be not abusive. He may not be the sort of person who would break your door down and go on the lam with a child; he may be reacting to your witholding the child. It is in all 3 of your best interest to leave an opening for this man to be allowed to love your shared child. (Notice how I never once said 'your child.') Who knows, maybe it will give his life some meaning.

I am not a person who doesn't admit that I was young and made mistakes. I found out that I was pregnant and grew up and decided to take responsibility. He on the other hand did not. I will be the first to admit before my son came along I didn't have anything or anybody to worry about. Im not saying I didn't make a mistake by having sex with him and honestly admitting that would mean I feel my son is a mistake and he is far from that!! I'm trying to keep him away from the kind of lifestyle I was living and what his biological father is still living.

As for him not being a violent person I never made any reports of him trying to run me over with a stolen vehicle while I was pregnant or chasing me around the house with a hammer threatening to beat my head in because it would never stand up in court because I was young and dumb and never made the reports which I know I should have but didn't and cannot change that now. I have seen first hand what he is capable of with myself and with other people especially when he is drunk or high so I know I have a right to be scared for my sons safety.

This was about me asking for advice and if anyone knew what my options could be not people telling me how stupid I was for having sex with him. I don't regret my past because I love my son but I have changed the way I was living because I want more for him than that.

Ok, first, we try to provide the best advice we can here. That sometimes means saying things the asker will not like. This is because we have to make sure the asker is aware of all the issues involved in their question.

We are not saying you were stupid for having sex with him. We are not aware of the specific circumstances. On the other hand we have seen many instances where young woman or girls, do think nothing bad will happen to them and have sex without regard to the consequences. And what we see the courts see. And that's why I had to point out these issues to you.

Your initial question was about what you can do to limit the father's access to your son. While sympathize with your plight, we have to answer according to the law. And the law says, that unless you can prove he is a danger to the child, then he will get some level of visitation. We need to make sure you understand how hard it will be to prove him a danger and what the courts will look at.

We do this to help you understand what you are facing and that is what you asked of us. So please don't criticize us for telling you the hard truth. We wouldn't be truly helping you if we didn't.

No one is saying your son is a mistake. I specifically said that having sex with this man (which, of course, produced this child) was not your smartest move. And, yes, we all do dumb things.

I found part of your post was confrontational and responded in kind: "So what am I supposed to do let him see him and risk losing my son or him gettin ahold of his fathers stash of drugs and overdosing on them?"

Just so you know how this will sound to a Court - there was abuse which was not reported, both verbal and physical; apparently he was using and that was not reported.

You've been given the best legal advice in accordance with Ohio law - PROVE he's unfit. You may be able to stop him from getting unsupervised visitation. I doubt very much that he will be denied visitation at all.

And as a taxpayer (I'm in NY) I don't want to have to pay for day care for children whose fathers won't step up and pay. I think the appropriate agencies SHOULD pursue them. That's what happens when you request any type of Government assistance.

You need the kind of replies you are getting here to prepare you for what you may face.
I never said he wasn't violent - you never said he was. I do hear you that that it was long ago but you are still afraid. Your job is to be prepared. You need to have documented proof, you need to know the law, and you need to know the court process.
There's no law that says you have to stop thinking of him as your child only, but it will help.