Im 19 years old, I was raised by my mum and step father, they gave me an amazing childhood, then I moved in with my grandmother because of family problems, at this age I was 13. I began high school, I wasn't very popular, I didn't have many friends, and getting bullied was day to day for me, the bullying got that bad in school I was forced to transfer after two years of being there. However when I turned 16 I started college with no confidence, no friends and I just realised that I was gay. Proud of who I was, I went on to start college where I made many many amazing close friends who gave me the confidence to come out, fight back and keep my head high. I am now 19, had so much hurt through school and my confidence, Ive known since I was 13 I wasn't meant for education or a small town, recently I came home from college close to tears, and my grandmother realised and she has offered me money to just up and leave for one month and go to a city in a road and a bid for full self discovery, and if I enjoy my life in a city I can move. At this point I was almost in tears, I walked out of the room as I don't show emotion and I never tell anyone how I feel. I recently decided to myself I need to go, I need to force myself, but Im so scared, Im so scared that I will loose everything like I did in high school, Im afraid of losing all those close friends, and losing connections with family. It haunts me to think I could end up alone even though for the past five months Ive felt sad, alone and miserable, where I live I get daily homophobic abuse, followed or even spat at in the street for choosing who I wanted to be, the way I dressed and the way I spoke.

.. Is it time I put the awful taunts behind me, and followed my dreams of a city life?

It starts with baby steps. First off, how is your financial situation? Are you able to rent a place? Are you still in school? Is school in the city? Can you get a part-time job while you study?

Let's say you can put these awful taunts behind you, do you have a plan going forward?

I know how you feel, (the bullying thing) and all I can say is that you need to leave what hurts you behind stay in contact with your friends, be it email or phone but definitely leave to the city. Its like if your walking through a mine field, if you don't take the first opportunity to escape, your most likely to explode before you get another. (sorry for the dull metaphor) if you found friends in this life, your bound to make more somewhere els, where yourself confidence isn't stepped on by bullies.

I hope your tears can stop falling long enough to see the path