Ask Me Help Desk - Help my brother is sexual abusing me.

This started when I was about 10 my brother has been sexual abusing me. He is 3 years older than me and now I'm 16 and he's 19. We always fought and still do. When we were left home alone he would start random fights and chase after me. He would then tackle me and sit on me facing up towards him while he laughed.
Not long after this he started with sneaking in my room at night and pulling down my pants in my sleep. He would take pictures and touch me. I didn't understand then but knew something wasn't right and was scared. When I caught him he would jump down to the floor and I would ask what he was doing an he'd say hiding and leave. He continued this for a long time. Whether my parents were or were not home or if we were at a family members he would still do it. This didn't stop till after 6th grade.
He only stopped when he discovered a way to see me all naked. When I was taking a shower I had the window open ( which is really high of the ground outside) I caught him and yelled when he peeked through the window to see me. My parents didn't even hear. He then began to stick mirrors and CDs under the door to see me. He still does this and my parents don't notice and ignore this. He also does this in my room.
When my parents aren't home on weekends he will walk around in his boxers which leave a big open whole in front of his privates and makes it obvious. He has also walk be or stand in front of me with a boner knowingly. He has even masturbated in front of me not letting me leave.
We always fight and bicker. We do not get along at all. We can't be together for more than 2 min. With out arguing. Everyone says it's sibling rivalry but I know it is not. I'm disgusted by this and never feel safe around him. I'm scared to be home when he is which is all the time.
My family are going on vacation this fall and they expect me to sleep in the same bed as him. I can't tell them why I won't. They will not believe me, he's their perfect child and does nothing wrong. Over time he has made me the trouble maker telling them lies so they never believe what I say. I do not have a good relation ship with my family and this is one of those reasons.
In about 6th grade I started cutting from depression. I didn't link it to this till recently. I have been cutting since then but quit around December 2010. I'm doing my best to not cut again but stress and depression builds up everyday from this and my family. Stress and depression built up to point where it had become painful migraines. I took meds but got of due to it's side affects.
I'm scared and need help. I hoped it would stop but it never did. This still continues and my parents are oblivious to it.
He has only had to girl friends and I know he abused one of them. He had taken pictures of her and hit her. She had eventually broken up with him but he stalked her for a while. He increased his sexual abuse on me after this and this was when he was 15. He had even asked me for pictures of my privates.
My friends know about his ex but not of me. I'm afraid to tell people I know my friends would listen but not my family. They would tell me to stop trying make him look bad and making stories.
I do things in school to keep me occupied and my mind off this but I always have to come home sooner or latter. I tell my friends I don't want to go home but they don't know the reason behind it. I need help and advice. Please I know I'm not alone and others need help with this as well. If you have the same issue know you are not alone. Please help

This is not something you can't tolerate for another minute.

This can ruin lives and leave scars that don't go away, and neither does the abuse.
As a rule it gets worse.

And if he has already abused another girl you know about there is more than likely others too.

This is the time to have a very serious talk with your parents . They need to know and your brother needs to get help with his problem before he goes any farther and does more damage to you , any other girls and himself.

As much as I hate to advise anyone to do something that could cause a rift between family members, I would suggest that if you are not taken seriously or told not to tell, call the police or local state child protection agency.
Do not put up with another day of this. No one has the right to cause you to be a victim in your own home including your parents.

I believe this is a more serious matter than you may understand right now and the consequences of doing nothing are dangerous to you and anyone he has the chance to exploit.

I am going to ask some others to talk to you.
These ladies are what you need more than my angry male attitude.

The only thing you can do to help yourself is tell someone, an adult, what is going on. If not your parents, please tell a teacher or the school nurse or the school counselor. If those aren't possible, tell a friend's mom.

The national toll-free number for abuse is 1-800-799-7233. Help is available 24/7.

Now, no excuses. Get some help.

One thing confuses me. You said --

Quote:

When I was taking a shower I had the window open ( which is really high of the ground outside) I caught him and yelled when he peeked through the window to see me.

If it is high off the ground, how could he see you? And isn't there a curtain over the window?

I can't say it better than Wondergirl or Martinizing. You need to report to someone, if not your parents, then the toll free number Wondergirl provided. Your first best step was coming here and telling us, and a step in the right direction. Your brother cannot continue to go on like this. It appears he has serious mental issues to deal with and he needs help with that. If not stopped now, he will go on into adulthood abusing women this way, which could probably turn into physical abuse.

Please seek help. Your mom would be the best bet and I know it will be hard to do.

Tick

That number is valid IF they reside in the USA.

I have a suspicion they might not be in the USA. If they aren't I hope they will let us know where they are.

(Martin-I had to spread the rep. Great post)

Arreneaj-I hope you know how brave and strong you are to know that you need help and to come to strangers to ask for it. You're here now, and we will stick with you and help you as much as we can.

Everyone so far has given you excellent advice for what you need to do. It's important for you to know that making an adult aware of your circumstances is the most important thing for you to do. Like Martininzing said-if your parents won't listen, then go to the police or local child protection services.

If you let us know where you live, we can look up the numbers of places you should go. Know that you're not alone, that you're doing the right thing, and that we are here for you.

Start by telling your parents, your uncles, your aunts, anyone that will listen.

You are assuming they will not listen or believe, that is wrong on you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arenneaj

My family are going on vacation this fall and they expect me to sleep in the same bed as him. I can't tell them why I won't.

Hello A:

I agree with you.. That's why you need to call for help.

excon

I'm the 8th poster on this thread who believes what your saying, people in your life will believe you too, as other posters have stated you need to tell an another adult.

Yes your parents may find it difficult to believe, however, I'm guessing that since your brother started this behaviour from a young age it has not gone completely un noticed by someone else other then his ex girlfriends.

He is also getting braver and less careful.

You BOTH need help, and as ironic as it seems,you as his victim could also be the saving of him, by telling an adult you BOTH get the help you need, by not telling he will continue and it WILL get worse.

You have endured enough,and I can tell you the human spirit can endure a lot, you have taken the first step in bringing this dark secret to light, taking the next step is a hard one and a scary one, there's no doubt about that, but, its one that's going to be a turning point in your life,one that will end this misery and life of fear.

Arennea, once you say to ANYONE 'i need help', you will have no problem spilling it all out. I just hope that it is someone who will take you down that road to complete freedom of mind. You have had this secret hanging over you head far too long; and your brother is going down a road he may not come back from unless something is done soon.

Tick

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

That number is valid IF they reside in the USA.

I have a suspicion they might not be in the USA. If they aren't I hope they will let us know where they are.

Wherever she may happen to live, whatever country, if she comes back on and lets us know, we can find her a number to call for help.

Tick

I'm posting as someone that was abused by a family member (my cousin) for many years. I never told, because, like you, I was scared. I regret it to this day.

Trust me, this won't stop until you make it stop, and you're too young to make it stop on your own. You need help.

Tell your parents, or call a help line.

As for the vacation, all that you need to tell your parents about that is that a 16 year old and a 19 year old being forced to sleep together in the same bed could land them in a lot of trouble, even if he wasn't molesting you.

I second everything that's alreay been said but also want to share with you that not telling your parents does not do either them, nor your brother, any favors. Your brother needs help and he is now an adult - your family may be able to force him into counseling and treatment for his behaviors before he is charged criminally for this behavior. If you do nothing, how will you feel if he marries and has daughters, or when the family expect you to visit with your own children when he is present? This problem will not go away.

Tell your parents the entire story. Start with, "I don't want to hurt the family, and I have kept this secret for a long time. I am very embarassed and I need counseling. I don't want to hurt my brother either, but I realize not telling you what he's been doing could hurt him more in the long run - he needs help..."then tell them the entire story.

If you cannot tell them, print off your post from here and hand it to your parents and tell them you could not tell them but they need to know.

If they dno't believe you, go to a counselor at school and ask for help to be removed from the home. You cannot be subjected to having to be with your brother. The vacation is a no-go - if he goes, you should not.

I'm sorry for what you are going through - you must take charge and if your brother is hurt by this, it is his doing and not yours.

I just hope the OP is perusing all opinions, weighing her options and itends to come back and talk to us.

Tick

[QUOTE=Altenweg;2791782
As for the vacation, all that you need to tell your parents about that is that a 16 year old and a 19 year old being forced to sleep together in the same bed could land them in a lot of trouble, even if he wasn't molesting you.[/QUOTE]

I am wondering, and one good question would be why, in the name of everything that is sensible, would OP's parents insist that the two of them have to sleep in the same bed? Surely the mother, if she is a proper individual would insist on making alternative sleeping arrangements even if the accommodation was inadequate.

Has anyone noticed the 'oddity' in this? Her brother is no longer a teen, and even then that isn't right, but a man at l9.

Tick

I know we are assuming the OP is actually a female (and I think they might be)... but I haven't seen anything that actually indicates a gender (I read through this sever times looking). What if the OP is a male? Then a 16 and 19 year old sharing a bed on a trip wouldn't raise any obvious questions with most parents.

The problem is no less valid... and the intrusion no less real. But it would be less likely to be on someone's radar.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

I know we are assuming the OP is actually a female (and I think they might be)....but I haven't seen anything that actually indicates a gender (I read through this sever times looking). What if the OP is a male? Then a 16 and 19 year old sharing a bed on a trip wouldn't raise any obvious questions with most parents.

The problem is no less valid....and the intrusion no less real. But it would be less likely to be on someones radar.

Good thinking, smoothy. Yes, I hadn't considered that option of OP being a male, but why would the OP be so upset about the brother seeing nakedness. If two brothers, I don't think it is likely there would be shyness over nudity.

Tick

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

Good thinking, smoothy. Yes, I hadnt considered that option of OP being a male, but why would the OP be so upset about the brother seeing nakedness. If two brothers, i dont think it is likely there would be shyness over nudity.

tick

Less likely maybe... but not unlikely. I for one have less of an issue (none actually) being naked around females than I do other males. And if someone was trying those things... I would be no less upset about it than a female would and should be.

Just for Invasion of privacy alone... without even considering the other incidents they described too.

But in the end... it really doesn't matter. Male or female. Nobody should be subjected to that by anyone.

Just playing devil's advocate about the vacation. It's possible Mom and Dad rented one hotel room and there are two beds. One bed for the parents and one bed for the kids.

Good point smoothy, if this is the case as J_9 said, then I would seriously consider sleeping on the floor...