I have been in jail and since being released I joke with my friends about it to stop it from affecting me in life.but now they joke about it in front of new friends and I can't shake my past,but at the same time I need to joke about it or else it will just set me back in my old ways.what do I do?

Sometimes people (especially friends) really don't understand when they are being hurtful. You may have to take them aside separately and have a serious talk just to let them know how you really feel. Don't joke about it because that probably gives the idea that it's o.k. to do it also. If they keep it up then they may not be the friends you think they are. Good luck.

First of all, to lie about your past is just being a liar. When you lie, the lie gets compounded (and not just annually) and when it all comes out (which is usually does), what a fool you are going to look like.

I think people can better understand someone who made a mistake, paid for it, and wants to make a better life than the previous one. I think that people can and will respect that much better than finding out you lied about your past. If you find people who are not willing to cut you some slack about being in prison - why in the world do you want to be around them? They are not suuporting your highest good.

I understand you are worried about going backwards - that is where reform comes in. If you associate with the same people you did before, what else do you think will happen? You do not need so much to make a joke about it to your new friends as much as you do to say, yes, I was in jail, I did my time, society foirgave me and I want to move on. If someone hassles you about it - who needs that person anyway? People need to remember we all live in glass houses.

Good luck!

Im well aware I could pull them aside and tell them to cop on,and the friends I'm talking about are new ones who always supported me, I'm saying people are cruel, and its why I would rather tell them my past after I get to know them a bit.its just jail was no joke and I hate thinking about it, it makes me bitter so I joke about it and its hard not to joke about it, its my natural defensive mechanism!

Yes, laughter is a defense mechanism. Not a very successful one at times.

You are right, jail is no joke. You are also right when you say people are cruel. I do not know how to get around that. People can be dumba**** and not realize it, thinking they are being clever or witty.

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Originally Posted by PatrickG

I have been in jail and since being released i joke with my friends about it to stop it from affecting me in life.but now they joke about it in front of new friends and i can't shake my past,but at the same time i need to joke about it or else it will just set me back in my old ways.what do i do?

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You need to tell your friends to stop bringing it up, if they are real friends, they will listen. You need to stop it too! The only reason its haunting you is because you don't let yourself forget. If you don't want to go back to your old ways then you won't, you have power over what you do. Do you mind me asking what you did to go to jail?

No I don't mind at all,I was in for drugs. I hate them,it was complicated, got set up.I live in ireland so it was what americans would consider a class A drug, but ireland is very strict. And the prisons are hell. Yeah I spose I got to put it behind me. Sure I will give it a try!

Hello Pat:

Yeah, I try to hide too. I don't understand how all these people on this board know I was in the slam. I don't know. Maybe it's got something to do with my name... or that stupid picha. And, when they found out, I got really embarrassed too. I'm really a shy type of person. Just ask 'em.

No really, dude. I'm kidding. However, you and I view the subject very differently. I like the Popeye philosophy: “I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam”. Part of who I am is a guy who's been in the slam. But, a bigger part of who I am is the guy who ISN'T IN THE SLAM RIGHT NOW.

I do think, however, you have every right to ask your friends NOT to bring up personal stuff in public. If they continue, after you've asked them not to, find other friends.

excon

Hey

Yeah I spose I should stop trying to hide who I really am, its just I couldn't care less about what people think about me,just I messed up my family, Im the black sheep if you get me. But its better hearing advice of someone who is in a similar situation. Do you mind me asking where were tou in the nic? America or what? And how long?

It sounds to me that your "friends" don't respect you. You need to tell them to stop and if they don't find some new friends.