Hello everyone... Like a lot of you, I found this site googling "how to get him back"... What a great help you all are!! Been on here for the past 3 days day and night, and feel a lot better now...

My story goes like that. My fiancé told me he couldn't marry me 3 weeks before the wedding. We've been together for 2 years, in what I thought was loving and caring relationship. I had my bridal outfit bought, cake was ordered and the place was booked... He first told me he wasn't ready to get married, and it doesn't make sense to me - why did you ask me to marry you then?? And then waited half a year of being engaged to tell me you don't want to marry me??

I tried to talk to him as I wanted to know what I did wrong, or what I didn't do. How do feelings change out of nowhere? How did it happen that I became the worst enemy - when I talk to him he gets attitude like it was me who dumped him 3 weeks before the wedding! The other night I texted him and said, "I can't help but thinking you had met someone else. Bc you act like it wasn't you who told me I love you for 2 years". And he said, "Well i haven't met anyone else". "So you just stopped loving me?" "I guess i don't love you enough for marriage".

Wow that hurt... Train hit me in the face, and then somebody put a screwdriver in my heart, and started turning it, and turning it, and turning it... and then they put a drill to my brain, and started drilling, and drilling, and drilling... Only 1000 times worse, as it wasn't physical pain... I didn't answer to that, it was all pretty clear...

And in a couple hours, he texted again, "I wasn't happy. Things never got better" I don't want to sit here and dwell on how happy I had been with him, and what I did for him, and how I thought he was happy - it will only bring me more pain. But I loved that man with all my heart, and wanted to marry him. I have not contacted him since then, and I want to go NC but he owes me money, and I do want that money - I moved into another apt, live by myself now and have to pay all the bills on my own, whereas we'd been splitting all bills in half. It's a little stressing because I don't make a lot, but I look at it as good stress, as it distracts me from thinking of him...

So, supposedly he's going to figure out how much he owes me within the next 3-4 days, and then I'm going NC - I do love myself, and don't want to be hurt more and more... My question is, do I tell him that I want him to not call me ever again (bc I do want him to!), do I tell him that I'm going to delete him on Facebook (I know it's going to hurt him when he sees we're no longer friends there), and I DO want him back, so if I cut him out of my life like that, how is he supposed to come back if he wants to - if I don't answer his calls/texts - won't he just think I don't want him anymore, and then he will move on... and I don't want him to... Again, thanks to all of you for your help!

I'm not sure you know what you want. You don't want to be hurt - and he has hurt you; you are afraid that he will move on.

I don't know you have to notify him of anything. Drop him from Facebook if that's your choice; don't take his calls; ignore him; have no contact.

If you don't want to lose contact with him, then don't do any of the above.

Thank you for trying to help, JudyKayTee... Like I said, I found this site googling "how to win him back", and I've been reading stories on here about how NC helps with that... granted, only sometimes. I only wish I could predict future and see if it's a good thing for me to do or a bad one

A godsend.

Good thing you know now.

Doesn't mean that spike through your heart is any less deep, but...

Here's your chance. Suck up this life lesson & Move on with confidence.

As far as NC, goes, just do it. You don't owe him any further respect. NC really means never.

Later dude.

Call that money the price of finding out that you were in a relationship that wouldn't work BEFORE you got married and had kids. Go NC, delete him from your life, and move on. If you really have to deal with him, do it through certified mail, which can serve as evidence if you have to sue. Generally, you aren't going to recover monies that were loaned during your relationship unless you have something in writing.

I know that is in incredibly painful, but you have to let go and move on. Why would you want him back when he has made it clear that he doesn't value you, or the relationship the way you value him? It will take time, and a lot of distraction, but your goal should be healing, and not getting him back.

Quote:

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I only wish I could predict future and see if it's a good thing for me to do or a bad one

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Let me know if you find a fortune teller, fortune cookie or a psychic who'll tell you this.

You've two choices

a: Get a mutual friend of both of you to get the money back for you, go no contact and move on with your life.

b: By allowing him to stay in your life keeps you on his hook. You'll eventually be a booty call, he'll use you and allow you to feel like there's a chance of getting back together. If you want him back, you need to let him work his a$$ off to get back into your good graces. To prove to you that he wants you as much as you want him. Beg and grovel to be part of his life.. and you'll just turn into his desperate ex that will eventually turn you into a joke.

Have a little more pride and self preservation.

Go No Contact, not to get him back, but to get yourself back.

Take him to court for the money, and don't use it as an excuse for revenge, or to keep in touch with him.

You don't need a psychic, or fortuneteller to figure out what's the right thing to do for yourself, just remember that screwdriver being turned in your heart!

Thank you all for taking your time trying to help. Talaniman I have read a lot of posts in the last 4 days, and I must say you're a wise and caring person. Now, I AM grateful it happened before the wedding, and before we had kids. It just doesn't make sense, why did he ask me to marry him?? I can't figure this out. Don't you guys propose because you are happy with this girl?? Or you just hope that things will get better�? Ugh that's ridiculous

mystific, I do have pride. I've never been and never will be anyone's booty call. And if he does want to come back and I haven't moved on, I swear I was going to see first if he can prove they it's worth getting back together, of course I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care about me as much as I want him to! Thing is, I was wondering if he just started panicking before the wedding, got cold feet. That could be the reason I'd take him back. But I won’t be a desperate ex�, I promise. Promise it to myself.

As far as the money issue goes, nuh it's too much to call it price for the lesson, but I won't go as fas as taking it to court, either. He's not a bad person, he will give it back, I've decided I'm going to tell him transfer it to my bank account so I don't have to see him.

Been sitting staring at my computer for a while now. My mind tells me you all are right and I should go NC and learn to let go, my heart screams, noooo he wants to be with you and he just had a panic attack I know, I know, I'm not supposed to do it, but I saw his Facebook said something about him getting 3.5 hours of sleep what the hell is that supposed to mean? He's never been the one who couldn't sleep. Or is it false hope?

Omg, sorry about those symbols - I don't think I can edit my post

Reading into his words and actions and trying to find the meaning in them is a great way to make yourself insane. There is a saying, I think by Maya Angelou, that goes, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". Take his words at face value. It takes a lot to end your relationship with your wedding so close, so trust that he meant what he said. Trying to read into his words is only going to keep you on the hook for even more hurt. He told you the truth... he doesn't love you enough to marry you. Take him at his word. Quite frankly, you got more honestly than a lot of people do in similar situations. It doesn't make it hurt less, but you will save yourself a world of hurt if you stop trying to find the underlying meaning in his behavior and words, and just listen to them.

Well, another stab in my heart, but I know you mean well... Thank you kcomissiong

First of all you don't "win him back"... You may be able to make him momentarily return because he feels sorry for you, but if his decision has been made then it is final. NC is not a technique to get someone back, it is a tool used for healing the wound that your break up has created. Also, if you plan on practicing NC no warning is given to the receiving party, because like I said... You are not doing NC to him, you are doing it for your own well being. He obviously doesn't want to be with you with the same level of commitment that you have for him. I would recommend doing NC (after he pays you back of course), moving on, and finding someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them.

Good luck,
Javi

I read somewhere that after the hit to yourself esteem heals you will realize that HE'S the one who made a big mistake.

This same thing just happened to me. Our wedding was scheduled for June 19. My (ex) fiancé is in the military and Friday I received a letter from him telling me he is calling off the wedding, along with insulting me a bit. It was very heart-breaking of course, and I was completely shocked. He gave reasons, but I do not wish to disclose them online. I too had already bought everything (even wedding night stuff), and sent out most of the invitations. While I do not have advice as I am currently dealing with this too, I do want to let you know you're not alone because reading this helped me feel less alone and eases the shame. Just always remember to pray and God has a plan for you!

By the way - know this doesn't answer your question but I just wanted you to know I'm dealing with the situation too:) Hope you don't mind.

missem91, I'm SO sorry... and a letter? Not even in person?

I was dumped over the phone.

Went NC a few days later.

Never turned back.

This whole thing will provide strength & clarity. The pain will fade.

Stay true to yourself & you will have nothing to worry about. The past is the past.

You will emerge a stronger & more aware person.

Some say experience is built on mistakes, not accomplishments. True that!

Thank you vanheart! I think I already feel stronger. Or so my friends say. It's just... I wish I didn't have to waste so much time and heartache. I wish I never met him. I don't want to be strong. I want a man who will show me that it's OK to be weak.
As far as my story goes, I got my money back, he said he couldn't transfer that much online and stopped by my work to give me the check. I was ready to cry as soon as I saw his car, even though I had been preparing myself. It hurt to look at him(( And what shocked me most, he looked perfectly happy! Did it take him to break up with me to become happy?? Does he feel relieved?? Idk. And I'm on the 3rd day of NC now. Sometimes I want to ask him if he would want to still be with me without getting married. But I hope some power in me will not let me. Sometimes I want to thank him for running so I know he's not the one, and for telling me the truth. In person. But I hope I never will. I cannot wait to forget about him!
Also, my best friend is getting married in 4 days, and I'm her maid of honor. I'm so scared that I'll get too emotional, I really don't want to be selfish and think about my wedding that never happened, I know it's HER day and I really, really want to show her that I'm happy for her. But I'm afraid that I'm going to look at the cake and think of the one I ordered, look at her dress and think of mine, that I posted on craigslist a couple days ago by the way. I hope I can do it, but who knows.

All of that sucks, I know.

But...

"I wish I didn't have to waste so much time and heartache"

So don't anymore. Im sure it didn't feel good seeing him. But that's that. See how NC is so important? Crucial, really.

The sooner you remove him from your life, the better.

Don't be one of those girls that pines.

"Sometimes I want to ask him if he would want to still be with me without getting married"

That's crazy talk. Think about it. Makes you seem like a desperate, needy, person.

When someone doesn't want you. Then screw 'em. They are no longer worth your time or thoughts even.

He sure as hell are sitting around crying over you.

And there is no reason to be sad over your friend's wedding. Be happy for her. That's what friends do.
(Even when their own heart is breaking)

Give love & respect to your real friends & loved ones. Im sure you know who they are.

:)

I am speaking from a man's point of view that this happened to. I got dumped 6 days before my wedding. And right after that my ex started texting me that she hated me and texting me how she was sleeping with this guy and that (but she was thinking of me she said? ), just to hurt me; like I was the one that ended everything.
It gets better with time I promise. I am writing this two years later and am just now starting to understand that. But somewhere down the line you will be glad that you went through this because you understand more ofwho you are and what you want.
But in the meantime it will hurt like hell. Probably worst than you ever thought.
But I promise that it does get better.

Let go... let God...