So we have been dating for 3 months. Everything was fine until the third month. Hes been a bit distant lately. Then one night I went over to his place and he started telling me he had chest pains. Like really badly and at one point he even fell to the floor. I was so scared for him! I asked his if it occurred frequently and that we should go to the doctors but he says its normal for him when he's stressed. Then I asked him what it could be, and he started telling me about an incident that happened a month ago where we had sex and the condom broke. I mean we got plan B and everything and he seemed fine but its been worrying him lately, on top of this school has been stressing him out. So I asked him is there anything I can do to help? And he says can we try something? Walk out of the room for a second, so I did and he came out five minutes later and said "i think your whats causing my stress......" and I was shocked I felt terrible after he told me this... I mean I wanted to cry! He said when I was in the room his chest pains return and when I leave they go away and so I told him I will leave so he could get some rest. He gave me a hug and said sorry and I left. Later in the night he text me and said I think it is you cause I feel a lot better now, and I just responded "thats depressing am i really so stressful lol" and his response was "i didnt think so but i really dont want to collapse again so idk." and my heart just sank, a few responses later he texts me "i dont think i can handle a relationship and more"... we are going to talk about it in person later today and settle this but I'm scared of losing him. He is my first boyfriend and its not even funny how attached I've grown. I mean I was never clingy we gave each other space and we always had an amazing time together but ever since that incident he has been pulling away from me. I mean he told me it put him off on a lot of things and he has been trying to keep himself busy by reading, movies, friends etc but it didn't help and he felt like such a bad boyfriend, he even asked me if he was but I don't think so. I mean I wish he would have told me sooner I just feel so depressed! I know he's not the last man alive and its not the end of the world I just... dont want it to end... on top of thar I was looking so forward to introducing him to my friends, my birthday is next week and they were so excited to meet him... I don't know what ill tell them.. I really hope we don't break up.

Seems to me that he is looking for a way out. He's trying to blame your for stressing him out so badly he is in pain, and with you being out of the room for only five minutes he feels so much better. You need to consider that you have only invested three months in this relationship and if he seems to want something different, you should let him go. You said this is your first boyfriend and you are really attached, we have all gone through that and it is just what happens. Believe me it may seem like the end of the world when you lose him, but give it a month or so and you will feel so much better. You'll end up looking back on this relationship thinking "wow, that was a ridiculous excuse he was using". He's trying to make you feel bad about him being stressed out, that's not right especially when you have only been together three months. Imagine what more time in this relationship might bring.

Well I know if he wants something different I will respect his decision and he knows I will. I just hope in the end that if we do break up we can still be friends because he really is an amazing person who I love dearly. I won't be the sad little girl who cries and begs for another chance because that is wrong. And he really didn't blame me he was just saying so much was going on in his life and it was stressing him out. I think the thing that scared him the most was the fact if I would have become pregnant he would have had to be a father and he was not ready for this in his life. The day it happened I was sooo scared but was able to keep it together because he was there for me and kept his cool. He even too me to purchase the pill. I had a lot of respect for him that day. I know its only been three months but he has had a huge effect on my life and was always there when I needed him most. I just hope ill be able to stay calm when I talk to him later...

I'm so sorry sweetie, but this is not the guy for you. The "chest pain" thing is definitely bull****. He's feeling bad that he doesn't want to be with you so he invented some physical symptoms so you will think it's not his "fault". I have three grown daughters and the first time each of them had a broken heart, it broke mine too. I wanted to scream at the guy, "What is wrong with you?!" But almost everyone gets their heart broken a time or two. Don't be discouraged, learn from it. It will make you stronger. You sound like a real nice person who deserves better than a "collapsing" boyfriend. I know this is NOT what you want to hear, and I'm sorry. Good luck.

Hmmm I'm not sure of the chest pain being fake cause it looked like he was really in pain, almost to the point of tears. I actually read up on it and chest pain due to stress can happen. He is the type of guy that is he wants to do something he'll do it so I know if he didn't want me he would just tell me. But yes I understand getting your heart broken is part of growing up and that it will in fact make me stronger in future relationships. Thank you for the advice.

You sound just like one of my daughters! Which is a good thing. They are intelligent young women who think for themselves and question *everything*!
I've had chest pains myself from stress. But it didn't turn on and off the way your boyfriend's did. Seems odd. Just keep in mind that he may not be right for you. He probably cares a great deal for you and he doesn't want to hurt you, but sometimes you want to break up even if you care for the person.
As much as your situation hurts, you seem to be keeping up with yourself esteem. You're probably a lot stronger than you think you are. Sorry about the cliché - it will make you stronger, blah blah - but it's true. I wish you the best...

This is my first relationship so I don't really understand this? I always thought taking a break meant breaking up? But he says he doesn't want to break up, he just wants a break. Its for health reasons so I understand but really I don't get the whole break thing??

What are the health reasons?

To me,taking a break means breaking up-as a solid couple work through problems together,rather than taking breaks and distancing themselves from each other and the relationship.

Well he's under a great deal of stress due to school and stuff and its giving him chest pains, so he says he wants to take a break till it gets better.

Chestpains?
I hope he's seen his doctor.

That's no reason to take a break though-it's a coward's way of breaking up whilst keeping you on hold in case he changes his mind.

It's time you started living your own life,without him in it.

Your threads were merged for the entire story behind the "chest pains" to be one one thread.

Whatever is going on in his mind (or heart) its not enough for him to seek help about so dump him, just because 1) if he is real, then you are a danger to him, or 2) he is too much of a coward and wants you to be the one to do the breaking up, or 3) he is making an excuse not to have sex, but what's more important in a case like this, is why you accept without question his excuse.

Don't just brush aside the very real red flags that are a wedge between you and him.

He either needs a doctor, a shrink, or a better excuse. Or you need to take off those blinders. Get to the bottom of this and stop assuming.