Her son is 16 yrs old and currently lives with his father less than 30 minutes from us. He has been in trouble for the past three years. From setting fires in school to conspiring with another classmate to bring a high power pellet gun to school and shoot up someone's house. He has since been living in another state with her sister and had little to no contact with his mom. It wasn't until just recently that he decided to come back to the state we live in and move back with his father. Over time I have learned that he doesn't want any contact with his mom, many relatives know where he his and how to contact him, but he has made it clear that if she continues to try to contact him that he will try to bring legal action to stop that. She is extremely hurt that he wants nothing to do with her and she doesn't know how to go about resolving this. It has come to the point that it has been causing suicidal tendencies and extreme depression. It doesn't help that she has been diagnosed with bipolar II, boarderline personality disorder, ocd, anxiety, and depression. She just seems extremely hopeless and no matter what I do or say to try to comfort or help her, nothing works. I am just at my whits end and don't know what else to do. She has had treatment at a mental hospital and currently is working with a therapist, but nothing seems to be helping and the hospital doesn't feel that she is "suicidal enough" to hold her at the hospital. I have told her that at this point she is just going to have to let go of him for a while, until he is able to deal with his issues. He is very narcisistic and doesn't care how his actions affect anyone around him, especially his mom. She just needs to focus on getting her life in order and doing whatever she can to make her life better whether he wants to be a part of it or not. How do I get her to understand or am I going in the wrong direction with this. What can she do to try to deal with the abundant amount of pain that this is causing her? Thanks for any help or advise.

I don't know that there's anything you can do or say. It sounds like she has emotional problems compounded by mental problems and possiby some physical issues. A therapist is not helping her? Medication?

Why was he living with a relative and not a parent? Did she and the son have a bad relationship before he moved back?

She is seeing a therapist, and she is on medications. I don't think that the therapist is digging deep enough to get to the root of the issues.

He was living with her sister due to an incident that had happened while we were living with my parents. He had collaborated with a classmate to bring in a high powered pellet gun to school so they could shoot up another classmates house after school. When they were caught, he was suspended and when we got home he had tried to threaten me with his pellet gun that he had at home. The police were called and he was taken to the psych unit for evaluation. During this time word had gotten to my parents and they no longer wanted him living at their home. They were able to get some funds while he was being evaluated to go to her sisters house. While there, he was welcomed into their home, yet she was sent to live a hotel. She was able to afford accommodations for a few months, but time came that money was running out, they were not being supportive to her, and it made more sense for her to return home, since he was being cared for by her sister, and that's were he seemed to want to be anyway. They were all being very rude to her during this time. Even though he really didn't want to see her when she was down there, he was mad when she left, yet she really didn't have any choice. Over the next year she tried and tried to communicate with him, during this time he was extremely rude to her, sending vulgar text messages and just being a reall *** to her. Then earlier this year, he decided that he wanted to try to have a relationship with her that lasted all of about a week, then he was back to the way that he was. I had heard from her sister that he wanted to try to take legal action to remove her from his life. There seems to have been very hard feelings between the two of them, at least from his perspective, for quite some time.

Would you be able to attend one of the sessions with the therapist (alone or with your girlfriend) and put some of this on the table?

I have mentioned this a couple of times, to little or no response. I haven't come out directly and asked, I guess I should. I guess I don't want her to feel like I am stepping on toes, but at this point it might be worth it.

I have mentioned this a couple of times, to little or no response. I haven't come out directly and asked, I guess I should. I guess I don't want her to feel like I am stepping on toes, but at this point it might be worth it.

Phrase it like, "I want to figure out how to be the best I can be in order to help us." Put the burden on you, how you need help with this, since you feel so inadequate and not up to the task

Agree with Wondergirl and my heart aches for all of you. Yes, maybe something along the lines of, "I'd like to help with this. How about -" might help.

Sounds like a lot of people have let your girlfriend down in life. Sad, indeed.