Ask Me Help Desk - Pregnancy and Domestic abuse.

At 4 months pregnant the baby's father physically abused me. I filed domestic assault and battery charges and got a permanent protective order on him. When he was served the protective order he destroyed my home and most of the things in it. I DID state in my protective order papers that he said he was going to destroy my home if I went to the police. I filed a report on that as well but nothing became of it. He fled the state before he could be tried and of course didn't show for the protective order hearing. He also has assault/battery charges in the state he fled to which he was convicted of. With that information I need to know what steps I can take to protect myself and my child from him. He threatened to kill me and our unborn child and honestly I'm scared to death of him. Should I leave him off the birth certificate? How do I go about getting sole custody? How could I avoid him having visitation? I'm so lost on what steps to take legally to protect myself and my child. I'm in Arkansas if that helps. Thank you in advance for your advice.

I have been in your shoes and I'm sorry that you have to go thur this crap! I'm going to tell you right now I don't know the laws there. I'm just speaking about my experience that I went thur and thought it could help you. When I lived in Minnesota, the day my daughter was born someone from the county came in( they already knew I was abused. I told them ahead of time) and asked me questions about who I wanted on the birth certifate, I said my last name and I never did put his name on it, but his name is on some sort of papers, just not sure what kind. And I don't want to give you false hope, that's why you need to get some legal advice. When you do get a lawyer, make sure you take all of your papers with you. Propective Order, Police reports you name it the more you have the better it will be for you and the lawyer. The lawyer will look at everything you have. I'm sorry I couldn't give you better info, but I hope this helps.

I also want to say you did the right thing by reporting him, I want you to know that I'm proud of you! I didn't report mine until I was 7 months pregnant. And another thing when you are at lawyers office make sure you ask a lot of questions, ones that you want answered. Then he/she will go from there.

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Originally Posted by crzyhopper71

Comment on crzyhopper71's post

I wish I could comment my own posts,too!:eek:

Quoting GV70:I wish I could comment my own posts,too! What is that suppose to mean? I was just letting her know that I was proud of her, some girls don't turn in there abuser, they just stay with them because there so scared of them.

He can be ordered to stay X distance away, and can be tried for past abuse, but you cannot rely on the courts or the police to keep him from violating any orders, or expect them to act on threats made in the past for the future. If he threatens after the order, or gets too close, you can have him arrested for violating the order. Make sure you have voice mail or an answering machine with a time/date stamp.

Get custody forms and procedures now for custody hearing from your nearest Family Court, even though you can't do anything yet. Have copies made of all papers you can think of in preparation. Leaving his name off the birth certificate won't stop him from filing suit for court ordered DNA.

As you have discovered, property damage isn't treated the same as physical violence against your person, and he was living with you at the time. It was done just before the order so it's basically a civil matter for a place like Small Claims.

You need to find family and friends to be your support and protection, preferably someone(s) who can live with you or you with them, or move.

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Originally Posted by acs1982

... Should I leave him off the birth certificate? ...

No. If at all possible have his name on the certificate. Your child deserves two parents on his or her birth certificate. Also, if you seek custody and child support, you will need to name him as the father. Having his name on the BC might help. But depending on your state laws on birth certificates, you might not be able to put his name on the BC.

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Originally Posted by acs1982

... How do I go about getting sole custody? How could I avoid him having visitation? ...

File a petition for custody and support. Ask that his visitation be limited to at your discretion and to be supervised by a third party acceptable to you.

No. If at all possible have his name on the certificate. Your child deserves two parents on his or her birth certificate. Also, if you seek custody and child support, you will need to name him as the father. Having his name on the BC might help. But depending on your state laws on birth certificates, you might not be able to put his name on the BC.After doing some online research for my state of residence, I won't be able to put him on the certificate unless he signs an Acknowledgment of Paternity affidavit. You're right, according to my state's laws on birth certificates. I didn't know I might not even have a choice in that matter.

All of your helpful answers have sparked some new questions. Is anyone familiar with how visitation would work if the father is in another state? If he comes back to this state he will most likely be arrested for Failure to Appear and my state is looking to charge him with a Felony for domestic abuse against a pregnant woman. Also wouldn't he have to come to my state to file for custody anyway? If I was to file for custody and he didn't show because of the possible arrest how would that work, in my favor?

Thank you all for your previous input. It is MUCH appreciated.

I am sorry AK lawyer. I thought I had taken the appropriate steps to quote you in my message above. Thank you again for your assistance.

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Originally Posted by crzyhopper71

Quoting GV70:I wish I could comment my own posts,too! What is that suppose to mean?

That means I wonder at men who posted something and after that comment their own posts.:cool:
I guess there is men who do not know that there are other options like "Edit" or "Answer" and prefer to comment their own writing;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by acs1982

Should I leave him off the birth certificate? How do I go about getting sole custody? How could I avoid him having visitation? I'm so lost on what steps to take legally to protect myself and my child. I'm in Arkansas

1.You cannot put his name on the child's birth certificate.He must sign Paternity Acknowledgment or he has to be proven as the biological father /DNA test/.Another way is through Court or Child support proceeding.
2.
9-13-101. Award of custody.
(a) (1) (A) (I) In an action for divorce, the award of custody of a child of the marriage shall be made without regard to the sex of a parent but solely in accordance with the welfare and best interest of the child.

(2) There is a rebuttable presumption that it is not in the best interest of the child to be placed in the custody of an abusive parent in cases in which there is a finding by a preponderance of the evidence that the parent has engaged in a pattern of domestic abuse.

9-10-102. Actions governed by Arkansas Rules of Civil Procedure -- Limitations periods -- Venue -- Summons -- Transfer between local jurisdictions.

(a) An action to establish the paternity of a child or children shall be commenced and proceed under the Arkansas Rules of Civil Procedure applicable in circuit court, as amended from time to time by the Supreme Court.

(b) Actions brought in the State of Arkansas to establish paternity may be brought at any time. Any action brought prior to August 1, 1985, but dismissed because of a statute of limitations in effect prior to that date, may be brought for any person for whom paternity has not yet been established.

(c) Venue of paternity actions shall be in the county in which the plaintiff resides or, in cases involving a juvenile, in the county in which the juvenile resides.

(d) Summons may be issued in any county of this state in which the defendant may be found.

(e) (1) Upon a default by the defendant, the court shall grant a finding of paternity and shall establish a child support order based on an application in accordance with the Arkansas Rules of Civil Procedure and the family support chart.

(2) The court's granting of a default paternity judgment shall be based on the presumed mother's affidavit of facts in which the presumed mother names the defendant as the father of her child and states the defendant's access during the probable period of conception.

9-13-105. Criminal records check.

Any parent of a minor child in a circuit court case may petition the court to order a criminal records check of the other parent of a minor child. If the court determines there is reasonable cause to suspect that the other parent may have engaged in criminal conduct that would be relevant to the issue of custody of the minor child or visitation privileges, the court may order the sheriff of the county in which the petition was filed to conduct a criminal records check through the Arkansas Crime Information Center. The court shall review the results of the criminal records check, and if it deems appropriate, provide the results to the petitioning parent. Any costs associated with conducting a criminal records check shall be borne by the petitioning party

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Originally Posted by acs1982

Is anyone familiar with how visitation would work if the father is in another state?

Generally visitation times might include fall and spring breaks, part of the Christmas vacation, and extended visitation during the summer vacation.
You can also suggest virtual visits by Skype, instant message, cell phone, and web cams in the future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by acs1982

Also wouldn't he have to come to my state to file for custody anyways?

If he wants custody, he will have to file in Arkansas.