Me and my ex girlfriend dated for 6 years. We met in college and afterwards she moved in with me in my parents house. My family became very close to her. I went to Medical School and studied abroad while she was still at my house. We talked everyday and our love grew despite the distance. Our relationship was solid except for some arguing over stupid things and I cheated, which she forgave. Throughout the years we got closer and started even talking about marriage after school was done for both of us. Last year she got into a grad school across the country. We kept in contact still until March when I found out she cheated on me. She was really ashamed and sorry and I forgave her because it was just a kiss. Afterwards she asked for a break. Bear in mind A few months earlier I had asked for a break just because I knew I had been with her for so long and needed to be sure. I was reluctant to give her a break then agreed to it. During this time Im also studying for a very important board exam so I was afraid that she would come out of the break breaking up with me right before my test. So I asked her to make up her mind and not give me false hope. So she broke up with me. She didn't have a reason besides the generic ones "its not you its me, I need to re-evaluate myself, I see you as a friend.." A few days earlier she had told me she was 99% sure we would end up together and that she wants to marry me and that we are meant to be. She even texted my sister and told her that don't worry we will end up together. So I was surprised she broke up with me a couple days after that. Also a few days before the break up I got emotional and cried telling her how much I loved her and how I will work on myself, giving her a list of thing I think she would like me to do different. During the break up I didn't get emotional, instead I got angry and said things like you don't deserve me and that your not going to find someone who loves you like me, then I said your out of my life, good luck with everything bye!

I went NC, deleted her on Facebook, and my phone. She contacted my sister 4 days after the break up asking how I was and that she felt bad for hurting me and hopes I'm still studying. She said she hopes that when I am done studying and ready to talk to her again that we will both be in a position to start over.

What does that mean??

So I have been in NC for 6wks now and I suspect she hasn't contacted me because she doesn't want to bother me before my test. She even said in the email to my sister that she doesn't want to get in the way of my dream and future career, which is determined by this test next month.

During this time of NC I have been working on myself and made some changes. I have also realized I do love her and want her back.

Do you think I have a chance? Do you think she will eventually call me after my test next month? 6 years seems to be a lot to throw away if and she knows I want to marry her. I don't know if she misses me or still wants me or if this NC has made her get over me. I don't even know what to say when I talk to her again.

Please tell me what you think?

A kiss is cheating? I'd break up with you too!

I got angry and said things like you dont deserve me and that your not gonna find someone who loves you like me, then I said your out of my life, good luck with everything bye!

A little overreaction there?

I guess all you can do is wait. She knows when the test is, right? So let her contact you after it (if she's interested in doing so).

No I didn't kiss she did the kissing. Yea we both have tests around the same time next month. Im assuming she doesn't want to disrupt me until then. But I do want her back and feel like we have built so much in 6 yrs. Would a girl miss someone afte 2+months of no contact if the guy loved them and they were committed?

no I didnt kiss she did the kissing.

Yes, I got that. And you consider that cheating?

How had you cheated on her? What had you done?

You're afraid she will break up with you just before your test, so you two break up several weeks/months before the test? My head is spinning.

If you had said those final things to me, you would be erased off my dance card.

You only know one thing for sure right now and that is , you broke up! Speculating on anything else is futile and will only drive you crazy. She is a wild card... how she feels and what she has decided is anyone's guess.

Stick with NC... her missing you and you missing her is normal.. just hang in there , all these emotions will pass. Keep occupied with school, working towards that future,etc..

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Do you think I have a chance?

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The more appropriate questions should be, "Do we have a chance?" Just look at your past... seems like the both of you have been walking on thin ice the whole time with the cheating, expecting breaks on both your parts. Think of the monumental hurdles that the both of you would have to jump to make the relationship work... love(on your part anyway) and missing each other is not enough. Many couples try again and more fail than happily succeed.

Well the reason I said those things at the end was because I was blind sighted, hurt and crushed. She had initially told me 2 days before that this is just a short break and that she needed to figure things out and that she was 99% sure we would end up together, and that she wanted to marry me. Being afraid that she may just be letting me down easy and possibly break up with me before my test I asked he to tell me now so I can begin to heal. When she told me and I asked her why she couldn't really tell me. I feel bad for what I said but keep in mind I was dumped over the phone, lied to about her wanting to be with me, led on, and not had the luxury to think about it like she did. She did it because she's across the counrty in a new environment and wants to see if the grass is greener and wants to have fun. That's the way I see it. Right now though I know I'm a better person and ready for her or the next person. Just hope we can work on it and this is temporary.

She did it because shes across the counrty in a new environment and wants to see if the grass is greener and wants to have fun.

What if the shoe were on the other foot? (that you were the one across the county, etc.)

I still don't know what you did to cheat on her.

Its just been the distance that has been hard but we were geniunely in love. She told me a few weeks before the break up that I was worth waiting for. I was moving to her area in a couple months. I wanted to purpose to her next summer. She wanted it too. She told me the arguing, distance, and trust issues on both sides made it unhealthy. I wonder if she thinks about getting back. She doesn't hate me, in fact she does love if not care about me. Im moving on but part of me feels like there is hop.

The cheating that I did was a few yrs ago. I was younger then and in college and I guess didn't know better and felt like I was missing out being in a relationship. Once I figured myself out our relationship became strong. We became more attracted to each other over the years. Even though I lived in a different country for 16months. Yea the shoe was on the other foot. I was across the country (in Miami) from her last summer and asked for a break because I know that I was getting serious and needed to see if I was ready to take the next step. During this break I told her everything and talked everyday. I came back to her because I realized I did indeed want her and ready for her. Things were great after that until a few months later when she pulled the same thing. Except this time she asked for a break after she kissed a guy at a bar. She told me "I suddenly understand why you did what you did when you were in Miami" then she said she wanted a break to figure herself out.

By the way what do you mean I broke up? She dumped me when I asked her to decide if we are together or not instead of taking a break. I appreciate you input. Its been 6wks of NC but still hoping it works out

Early on in the relationship I slept with someone. I ended up telling her, she was hurt but forgave me. From that point on we grew closer and she was confident that I wanted her. I empowered her, made her more confident and had a solid relationship aside from stupid arguments that were from misunderstandings.

The reason Im asking these questions is because when she initially asked for a break she told me she knows we are meant to be and wants to spend her life with me. Now Im beginning to think its all lip service. She honestly loved me a lot, enough to tolerate what I did in the past. I just don't know why she left when she did the same and I didn't even get mad at her. Do you think this time apart will make her reconsider coming back to me since we were together for 6yrs, or do you think she's moving on?

I think you know this is a break up,never mind the sugar coating.

You stick with your NC and live your life-she's not in it anymore.

Sorry for the confusion... I meant "you" as in the"both of you" broke up. Asking her decide whether she wanted to stay together or not instead of taking a break is the most sensible and prudent thing you have done. What is the point of a break? Committed couples work through problems not take "breaks"... they solve nothing only "snowball" the problems you already have. You asked and you got your answer didn't you?

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she dumped me when I asked her to decide if we are together or not instead of taking a break

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The point of NC is not to hope or expect her to come back to you. It's for you to work through your emotions to gain a better perspective(of yourself and that relationship),learn and become a happy, fulfilled person again. 6 weeks of NC is just scratching the surface.

Re-read what Amicon wrote... he's dead-on!

I just dont know why she left when she did the same and I didnt even get mad at her.

How were they the same? You slept with someone else, and all she did was kiss someone else.

Stop making excuses and giving yourself false hope with everything that has been happening in this relationship because the only thing you will accomplish is hurting yourself more.

She has broken up with you, so regardless of what might happen in the future you need to move on. It almost seems as payback for you cheating on her, she kissed someone, got a little taste of something different, and left you. It is simple. How can you expect commitment when you were so quick to turn your head and go bang someone else? Leave this girl alone, she is no longer your girlfriend, and obviously doesn't want to talk to you. Keep up the NC and keep it up forever. It seems like she didn't forgive you overall, in fact she used it to tell herself that it would be okay to sleep around with another guy, because you never know, it might have been all that YOU found out about.

So, live your life and let her live hers, don't mess up in the same way you did now on your next relationship. Six years is a lot, but they were not all lost. I am sure you had fun during all that time, and that you have learned a lot from this experience. So move on to the next chapter in your book.

Good luck,
Javi

Break ups suck, no doubt. We are always haunted by those feelings that are so hard to cope with that they distract us from reality. Our lives have changed, and we have to adjust, so we can change our priorities, and focus on what's important to us without our exes.

Hope for the best but plan for the worst, so forget her coming back, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her. Right now you are battling your own feelings, as you try to understand what happened after 6 years. Could you both have grown up, and reality has set in? Of course it has, and you have to accept she is gone because that's what she wants for whatever reasons, and you are left holding the bag because you weren't ready for things to end.

They did though, and after 6 weeks Of No Contact, and plenty of confusion over coping with emotions, you have yet to really start what will be a long healing process. How do I know? Because you are still looking back with questions. Nothing wrong with that, as it may take years to feel better and not be hoping any longer.

Focus on the things you can control, and leave the rest alone. All that takes is some honesty with yourself.

Cheating I love how you use that word in such a lose term. It really is something to think about. The second you start that be it sleeping with someone else or kissing or even emotionally cheating you guys are looking for other things else where I think this relationship was dead a long time before this, you guys just did not want to admit it,

So now it's ended my advice move on I know you invested 6 years but the past has nothing to do with this ita about your own future focus on that (without her in it) tough I know
Oh and when people give advice why are you defending or making exscuse for yours and her own actions

Main facts you both cheated
She wanted a break (break up)
It's done

I agree with all of the posts.

This was never solid. Tit for tat BS.

The smart thing is that you went NC. The stupid thing is that you didn't know why.

To move on, without false hope, to put the past behind & be a better person for someone.

Keep doing that & stop wondering why she hasn't contacted YOU. Remember you are NC, that's the deal.

This is just a college romance. Nothing more. Not enough in your mind obviously to cheat, so, go figure.

She isn't going to pay for your mistakes & vis-versa.

Move on. Your smart. Act that way.