Ask Me Help Desk - Not sure how boyfriend feels about me wearing make up? Feeling insecure... HELP

Ok here I am with my trouble lol. I'm 21 years old at the moment. I started wearing make up when I was 13 as I had the worst case of acne ever; I'm black and light skinned so this flipping acne left lots & lots of scars so had to literally plaster my face with make up. I wear Iman and I swear to God I use to go through a compact foundation in 2 weeks. This use to depress me & I didn't live with my mum at the time , just my dad and he had no clue what to do about it. Anyway my mum started living with us, and as a mother she did EVERYTHING until she was sure I was acne free. At the age of 19 my acne started clearing up really good. At 20, all I get is just the odd pimples every now and again and at 21 now, I hardly ever get spots. Trouble is though I still wear make-up. Obviously not as much, the compact foundation now last me 2-3 months. I'm happy, got myself down to 9& half stones and my confidence is sky high. I got with my boyfriend over about 9 months ago and I really feel insecure because I wear make-up everyday. I've met his sisters and mothers and none of them wears make-up and I wear make-up every time they've seen me. I just feel really bad and insecure that I can't even go out without make-up on. I still have some acne scars left behind on my face and also the acne has caused me uneven skin tone on my face and that's mainly why I wear make-up and also because I feel more confident with make-up on. I think its because it's the only thing that's always boost my confidence since I had acne. I always think maybe my boyfriend thinks I'm ugly without make-up because I can't obviously wear make-up to bed so he sees all my imperfection then. When I say to him 'i wish I could go out without make-up', he doesn't say anything. And my mama taught me, people tend to say nothing when they don't have anything nice to say. Maybe it bothers him? I don't know. I feel so insecure that he might think girls look better without make-up on... what are your thoughts ***? Sorry about the long message :)

So ask him directly, talk, this is not the real issue if you are living and sleeping with him and can't even talk about his opinion of make up.

He may have learned that when asked about make up, or weight, or what dress we like, saying nothing is often the smart thing to do, since often no matter what we say ( or dom't say in this case) it willl be taken wrong

You being insecure is the real issue, you keep worry about what you skin was so many years ago, and so on.

I know it makes sense to just ask doesn't it? But I'm scared of the answer I'm going to get lol. And yea you're right I still probably won't believe him if he said it was OK lol. Arghhh any suggestions on how to ask? I know its daft and thanks for taking the time to read this by the way :)

Listen if you want him to accept you as who you are then you better first learn to accept yourself and get over your insecurities with your skin. Come on lets be honest do you really think he hasn't seen you without the makeup. He isn't blind as a bat! He obviously loves you and thinks you beautiful. Why not give your man a little credit that he has chosen you because he loves you with or without make up!!

You don't have to ask him anything because it won't matter. Its your insecurities that need to be addressed, and now I understand your other post. If he said the sky was blue, you would take it personally, make it about you, and take offense at it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lp-569590.html

None of your posts is about your boyfriend, but about you, and how you see yourself. What's up with that? What has made you wonder or think that the world is so down on you??

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

Ok here i am with my trouble lol.

... and it is YOUR trouble.

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

i was 13 as i had the worst case of acne ever;

Umm, like millions of other teenagers?

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

blah blah blah makeup blah blah blah..... I didn't live with my mum at the time , just my dad and he had no clue what to do about it.

Hmmm, let's remember this.

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

I always think maybe my bf thinks i'm ugly without make-up because i can't obviously wear make-up to bed so he sees all my imperfection then. when i say to him 'i wish i could go out without make-up', he doesn't say anything.

You typed a bunch of complete nonsense to me about makeup. Do you know what your dad from above, your boyfriend, and I have in common? All of us are males and not one of has the IQ of 1 when it comes to discussing makeup. I don't have a clue what you were talking about with all that stuff. Neither does your dad. Neither does your boyfriend. What is he really supposed to say when you make statements like this? He's been with your for 9 months. The secret is out, unless he is blind, he knows what you look like.

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

And my mama taught me, people tend to say nothing when they don't have anything nice to say.

That blanket statement really fits all situations?

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Originally Posted by hamzlolly

Maybe it bothers him?

I think the one it bothers is you.

You go to the absolute worst thought when you don't get the response you think you should. In your other post you cry racism when it's clearly not there, and now you are worried about what you boyfriend thinks about your looks. The problem is not your boyfriend at all. You can't be worried about what the world thinks. This your life to lead, not the rest of the world's to lead it for you. The reason he didn't answer you is because he has no idea what the answer is supposed to be. Males don't think like you do. We are not worried about makeup, and we do not want to have ongoing discussions about the topic because we have no interest in it. If you date a guy for 9 months and he needs you to wear make up 24 hours a day then maybe he's not the guy for you. But he's never even suggested such a thing. You are bring this drama to his life, not the other way around.

If you want to be comfortable with him or his family or anyone else, you need to get comfortable with you. The person you really need to accept is yourself. Your never going to be perfect. The situation will never be perfect. The people around you will never be perfect. You can't control anything in life other then how you deal with yourself and how you make decisions based on what is in your own positive self interest. Once you start doing that, being worried about every little thing that someone does or says will not matter as much and certainly not guide your life.

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Originally Posted by talaniman
You don't have to ask him anything because it won't matter. Its your insecurities that need to be addressed, and now I understand your other post. If he said the sky was blue, you would take it personally, make it about you, and take offense at it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...lp-569590.html

None of your posts is about your boyfriend, but about you, and how you see yourself. What's up with that? What has made you wonder or think that the world is so down on you??

Excuse me? It isn't by force to reply to a post and if you don't know EVERYTHING that's going on don't act or talk like you do. Why would you even bring up the fact I think my boyfriend is racist with me being insecure about wearing make-up? It isn't the same thing at all. My boyfriend admitted to having certain views about black people and he admitted to judging most black people but not all. THAT was what bothered me!! Not me being insecure. Although he has apologised for it and I accepted his apology and put everything down to him living in a place where there are hardly any back people so I thought with time he would know not all black people are the same and his views will change. So no YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. You're just jumping to conclusions. 'If he said the sky was blue, you would take it personally, make it about you, and take offense at it'... how rude. Are you in my relationship?

The guy admitted himself that he needed to be less ignorant and get to know more about black people so obviously he knew he was making bad comments and it wasn't just my imagination. I do admit I'm insecure about wearing make up but that's it. He works somewhere where there are lots of nice girls, he talks to the etc, I don't flip about that. So no if you don't know don't say you know

You're absolutely right and I agree, maybe it is my problem and thanks for that :)

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I do admit I'm insecure about wearing make up but that's it.

No its not it, it's the tip of the iceberg, and you should explore it, and deal with whatever you find. And if you go back and read my comments, you will find they were about the relationship you have with YOURSELF, not your boyfriend. That was based on what YOU wrote and the facts that you presented. Instead of feeling offended, take heed. At least take an objective look, before you make emotional responses.

Actually its quite normal for young people to judge their situation through their own feelings about themselves, and that is but an opportunity to examine your own feelings, and have a plan to deal with them in positive ways. Then maybe you will not try to hide your flaws( or what you THINK are flaws ) from others, and can instead share your inner beauty with them.

Starts with an open mind, and being honest with YOURSELF.

I think you are making this a way bigger deal than it actually is. So why if you are not perfect?? I have yet to meet someone that is. Also, if he loves you he probably doesn't care whether you use make up or not... Not a lot of guys think about the amount of make up their girlfriends are wearing on a regular occasion. If he didn't like you, then he wouldn't be with you, so get over it. The insecurities that you have are all in your head and the only way that those are going stop is by you making a decision to stop caring so much.

Good luck,
Javi

If you are most comfortable with make up on rather than off, then wear make up. I know plenty of beautiful women who wear foundation every day to mask uneven skin tone or acne scars. I know plenty of beautiful women who don't wear any make up at all. I don't judge any of them because of their preferences.

As has already been stated, you've been with him for 9 months. I don't think your make up-on or off-is a bother for him. It would have come up by now.

If YOU are uncomfortable with the fact that you wear make up and would like to stop, then why not give it a try? Go for a week or two without make up, and before you know it, you'll get used to your natural face and start to understand that you're beautiful without the make up.

If YOU are okay with the fact that you wear make up, carry on and don't worry what others think. What's important here is that YOU are okay with yourself. Once you figure out that you love yourself, and are okay with how you are-then it's up to others to accept you or get lost.

Thank you very much :)